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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say this child isn't having another fecking headband

119 replies

Puttheheatingon · 12/10/2015 18:38

Dd1's party yesterday. I put a sparkly headband in each party bag. Apparently one of dd's friends snapped hers and told dd to tell me to get her another one.

They are 8. Not that I would entertain that for a smaller child. C'est la vie, no?

What sort of cheeky behaviour is this hmm? AIBU to have told dd no, I won't be buying her friend a new headband?

OP posts:

AnnaMarlowe · 12/10/2015 23:24

I've had a mother complain that her child used the ink stamp I'd included in one party bag to write on her walls. She seemed to think this was my problem. I politely disagreed.

Another year I did horrible histories books in lieu of the usual tat. A Mother called me to tell me that her special Snowflake was much too sensitive for such reading material. She seemed genuinely surprised when I suggested that she should pop it back in their bookshelf until he was older.

I'm not sure what either of these parents was expecting me to do?

Blueturquoise · 13/10/2015 08:22

Ohh we ve had the complaint about serving party food - served bread rolls with either cold meat / plain or cheese filling, plus the usual party treats - crisps sweets buns cake - one parent complained as we hadn't give chips and chicken nuggets she had to feed her son when he came home (party was 2-4pm) WTF!!
I find little girl parties harder work in terms of the party bags - last year several kids asked for party bags to bring home to siblings (we had 30 kids at the party and about 15 spare bags for kids that arrived to collect- but lots wanted to swap bags or bring one for siblings and family .......----aaaaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhhh. What gets me more is if I stood beside my dd and she outright asked to swap a party bag or for an extra party bag,
I would intervene and explain to her it was rude to ask and to say thanks and walk along!!

Rachel0Greep · 13/10/2015 08:29

I'm not sure what either of these parents was expecting me to do?

Tut, tut Anna, do you mean that you don't have formal party bag complaint procedures in place?

Rachel0Greep · 13/10/2015 08:31

Fortunately a less spoilt boy anxiously asked if he could take the spare bag home for his little brother. I said of course and handed it over

Aww, I think that was really nice of that little fellow, .

Tokelau · 13/10/2015 08:43

I did a party once and in each party bag I put a chunky kitkat, along with sweets and other bits. I had checked with parents that nobody had any allergies. One girl (who was a bit grabby and ungrateful generally) came back with her kitkat and told me that she didn't like milk chocolate, only white, and she wanted something else instead. She seemed shocked when I had nothing to swap it for. I suggested she gave it to her sister. She wasn't impressed at all!

What's happened to manners? I taught my kids to say thank you for things, even if it was something they didn't like. The party girl has now become a bit of a nightmare teenager!

jeee · 13/10/2015 09:06

In the past, MN advice was to give out whoopie cushions for boys parties (now the correct MN response would be give them to girls - boys should have pink glittery stuff). Yes, I thought it was a brilliant idea. Yes, the boys loved them. And (rather disappointingly) no, I didn't get any complaints from outraged parents.

Fizzielove · 13/10/2015 09:39

We went to a friends Dd's party and they had bought books for the children to choose from, I know it sounds boring but the kids all loved it! And so much better and more useful than the usual tat found in party bags!

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 13/10/2015 09:42

I love the books idea, I might steal that. That would go down so well with the grabby kids I mentioned earlier. They'd probably sneer and demand an iPad.

wigglybeezer · 13/10/2015 10:04

I once gave out Strawberry plants, with a lolly stuck in the pot, didn't get any complaints, in fact several children reported back to me when their plants bore fruit. I also did a science themed party for DS2 when we made home made slime/putty stuff to take home, The kids were happy but a parent reported back to me that it had taken the varnish off a coffee table!

Ds3's party gifts tend to be sweeties, I can't be bothered anymore!

Hygge · 13/10/2015 10:30

miaowroar I did a similar thing for a group of children I volunteered with, a gift bag with glittery pens, chocolate, a balloon, some sweets and bits and bobs in them.

One girl asked if she could leave her bag behind at the end as she didn't want to take it home. I thought she didn't like it.

It turned out that she loved it, but was worried that if she took it home it would be taken off her and thrown away and she would get into trouble for accepting a gift or would not be believed that it was a gift.

I was only a volunteer so not aware of circumstances for each child, but apparently there were issues at home that obviously I wasn't privy to, and it seems my gift would have caused her problems at home.

She moved away shortly afterwards but I still think about her and hope she's okay.

Is it possible that your boy might have been hiding a similar problem? Or he genuinely thought that the bag might be better going home with someone else out of kindness since he already had similar things? This might have been his awkward way of sharing his good fortune? And at least in the end, it went to a child who would appreciate it. It sounds like a lovely thing you did and was appreciated by most (if not all) of your class. I bet they still remember that day.

RoseWithoutAThorn · 13/10/2015 10:36

PipPopPip. I could have written your post myself. I'm a glutton for punishment I still do birthdays of the week at a Friday assembly. The children receive an age appropriate book bought out of my own pocket I had one mother demand her child's book was changed "as got a much bigger one". Her child was 10, the child who received the larger book was 5. I invited her to meet with me and presented her with the same book for age 5. I've never had another parent complain but my name was mud in the playground for weeks .

Chippednailvarnish · 13/10/2015 10:45

I had a Mum come to me after DS's second birthday complaining that the balloon that accompanied the piece of cake I had sent each child home with wasn't the right type and she wanted the other type...

it's a fucking balloon, you grabby cow

CrapBag · 13/10/2015 10:53

Some of these are great. And I notice it's often the mums who complain on behalf of their special snowflake.

Only one I have was a boy at DS's 6th birthday, he was generally a badly behaved horror (who punched the DJ, hung off the speakers and at the following party bit a dad really badly on the leg and he bruised) and had been winding me up all party. When I was giving out the party bags, I had hordes of children following me (I really felt like the pied bloody piper) and he finally got his bag only to go through it, pull out some sweets and declare that he didn't like them and wanted to swap his bag. I did snap at him and tell him no he'd have to just give them to someone else ungrateful little swine. Thankfully they moved away.

My DCs love the tat in the bags. I never understand why but most children seem to. I try to stick to stickers, badges, stationary etc and loads of sweets. They all seem to go down well.

Oh I have a sports day one tatty. Parent came over to me to tell me her DP had gone to complain that the activities were too long for the children (was various obsticle races that they had to do in teams for 8 minutes each obsticle, between the teams). The children loved it. I just laughed at her and said "what, that's ridiculous." She just stood there with her mouth open and DH stood there cringing. What made me laugh is halfway through, the children all had a break from this strenuous sports day. They spent their break doing one of the bigger obsticle races. Apart from the complainers child, she had to sit out with her parents. I asked DS later if he thought it was too long and too much, he gave me look and declared that it wasn't long enough and he wanted to do more.

momb · 13/10/2015 11:04

Stand your ground OP. You deserve a little sparkle as much as the next person (and more than the cheeky kid)!

I have honestly never experienced anything like you all describe at a party. Maybe I'm just too scary for the children to ask?

I did once offer my Brownies an ice cream on an outing and ended up saying firmly 'I am offering to buy you a treat as a gift. Ice cream cone or nothing!' as all 30 of them started discussing at length what they wanted from the list while a queue of disgruntled 'civilians' grew ever longer behind us. They all looked a bit shamefaced.

laffymeal · 13/10/2015 11:09

Working in a primary school really opens your eyes to some horribly bratty behaviour over things like this.

The school I currently work in is in a very deprived area yet many of the kids are still remarkably snotty and ungrateful for lucky dip prizes/end of term treats.

I usually try and go down the "fancy stationery" route but find that bubbles and confectionery are about the only universal crowd pleasers. You still get little shits with scrumpled faces going "Eww, I don't like this kind of chocolate". I don't offer them a choice, I just take it off them and say "well, nothing for you then", amazing how quickly they take it back!

RoseWithoutAThorn · 13/10/2015 11:57

When I came to my present school the previous HT had an unwritten rule that children could take the day off if it was their birthday. She also used to gift the birthday child vouchers. I lost count of outraged parents when I stopped birthday days off and refused to continue the voucher gifts. I could write a book on the entitled behaviour I've seen. On choosing house captains for our sports houses I've had a parent call as her child didn't like the colour of the badge they had to wear. It was the colour of the house she was in .

noeffingidea · 13/10/2015 12:15

I never put presents in party bags either. I put a few penny sweets/fun size treats, a big bit of cake, and a balloon when they were little. Some mothers I knew didn't do party bags at all , just hand out a piece of cake and maybe a lolly or small bar of chocolate.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 13/10/2015 13:06

www.bakerross.co.uk/ This website is great for party bag tat

HelenaJustina · 13/10/2015 13:21

I do books and cake, maybe a pack of chocolate buttons if I'm feeling generous. I usually take down the balloons strung up around the house or hall to give away so I'm not left having to burst them all

The Works or The Book People are my go-to party bag fillers...

Grabby child story - I went to pick my DD up from a party at a soft play place and another brat classmate of my DD's ran up to me and demanded money to put into one of those pinball machines. She then had the tenacity to whine when I came out with a firm 'No'!

Hersetta427 · 13/10/2015 13:52

I have given up putting thought, time and effort into party bags. Made over 40 sweetie cones for both DC's parties this summer for less than half the price the party bags would have cost. Kids delighted.

FeelingSoBlue · 13/10/2015 13:54

My DS(2) had his second birthday this year. It was just after Christmas and money was tight but we still had a little tea party in my house. It was for his toddler aged friends who were quite happy to run around my house playing with DS's toys, slide etc Anyway, I didn't do party bags as I had done for his 1st birthday and Christening as I had been left with 30 of the bloody things twice. I told everyone invited that it was just an informal birthday tea, not a party like the last times. Not a problem for the toddler children or their parents. My sister turned up with her 3 children, two hours late, they destroyed my house and demanded to know where the party bags were, why there wasn't any music, why I hadn't organised games with prizes and stating that the tea party was crap, apparently their mum (my 'D'S) threw much better parties :/
Won't be having any kind of tea party next year. Will save the money and go on a weekend trip somewhere.

I swear you all have the patience of saints.

zipzap · 13/10/2015 14:05

Hersetta what's a sweetie cone please?

Or rather, I can envisage several different sorts of sweetie cone - please could you let me know how you make yours that go down well with children please!

VinylScratch · 13/10/2015 14:52

I'm doing sweetie cones this time round. You use the clear icing bag cones for them, got 50 for about £2.50 on amazon with twist ties included. I must get a trip to home bargains organised soon to get cheap sweets to fill them.

BoccadiLupa · 13/10/2015 14:57

Oh now I feel bad because out of the door a party this weekend my DD dropped her party bag (a nice cookie mix pack) and the thing split and put flour everywhere all over their drive and I went in and asked if my DD could have another one (she was crying. a lot) and now I realise that I am being a rubbish PFB Mum and she's not even my PFB!

EllyHigginbottom · 13/10/2015 14:59

Can I just ask, why do you give out gift bags at parties?

Can't we just stop the nonsense? The moment my kids get home from parties, the bags go in the trash. We fish out any edible cake, naturally.

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