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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say this child isn't having another fecking headband

119 replies

Puttheheatingon · 12/10/2015 18:38

Dd1's party yesterday. I put a sparkly headband in each party bag. Apparently one of dd's friends snapped hers and told dd to tell me to get her another one.

They are 8. Not that I would entertain that for a smaller child. C'est la vie, no?

What sort of cheeky behaviour is this hmm? AIBU to have told dd no, I won't be buying her friend a new headband?

OP posts:

Pointlessfan · 13/10/2015 15:12

I am dreading when DD is old enough to have parties but some of these stories have made me laugh!

FeelingSoBlue · 13/10/2015 15:31

Elly Previously when I gave party bags it was a gesture of thanks for the children attending the parties and was meant as a little treat for them all. I used to stuff mine with all sorts incase any of the children were shy and didn't want to play games etc It's just a social norm now isn't it?

YBR · 13/10/2015 15:39

My DDs are still very young, but I hate the whole socially compulsory party bags thing. My compromise is to have "make-your-own" - there are white paper bags to decorate and some craft activities to make stuff to go in them. No cheap plastic tat.

Also I've had to dispose of half the contents of a party bag before because DD2 still puts everything in her mouth and so the tat was too risky. I guess the Birthday child grew out of that younger than DD so the mother didn't think of that.

EllyHigginbottom · 13/10/2015 15:41

It's just a social norm now isn't it?

I don't give them out, and I don't feel awkward about it.

SewingAndCakes · 13/10/2015 15:49

We get the sweet stall at the market to make up a £1/£1:50 bag for each child, which they tie with a shiny ribbon; the kids love it and there's no plastic shite to go in the bin. It's taken me 10 years of parties to figure this out though

JugglingFromHereToThere · 13/10/2015 15:54

"if they or their parent has been particularly annoying I might include a tin whistle for the journey home" Love it - classic lavender

BYOSnowman · 13/10/2015 15:57

My ds doesn't like chocolate so we have a deal that he doesn't say anything and I swap it for sweets when we get home.

Went to visit Santa who offers the kids a present (chocolates). Ds politely offers when his little sister shouts out 'but ds doesn't like chocolate'

So ds got a pencil instead and was very annoyed with his sister because he couldn't do a choc swap for sweets!

I don't mind giving out party bags but the kids only really want the sweets. Ones that have gone down well are books, balls and hair clips

AlpacaLypse · 13/10/2015 16:01

One year I handed out planted up pots of hyacinth bulbs, each with a lollipop stuck in it. Went down very well with the mums!

ImperialBlether · 13/10/2015 16:01

I took my son and a couple of his friends into the local cheap shop and told them to buy stuff for the party bags - ten gifts £10 maximum. They bought ten sink plungers. Ten little boys were absolutely thrilled with them but their mothers looked a bit

nicolehello · 13/10/2015 16:58

We have a 'house rule' either of my girls look at the contents of the party bag before leaving the party it gets confiscated forever - they seem to bring out the worst in even the loveliest of children.
How old do they need to be before they stop????

derxa · 13/10/2015 17:03

They bought ten sink plungers

EmGee · 13/10/2015 17:08

Slightly derailing the thread here, but all this talk of bratty kids has made me think of an incident that happened the other week. Was with my two kids at a shopping centre and they were having their faces painted. The youngest was a bit scared so I had to sit beside her (on little kid's chair) while her face was being painted. Long queue of kids waiting. Bratty kid arrives and starts demanding to have her face painted. Mum says go and see how long the queue is. Kid comes up to me (I am beside the makeup artist) and says 'Get off that seat'. She was 3 or maybe 4 at most!!

Pennybun4 · 13/10/2015 17:22

This thread is reminding me of DM's 90th birthday party nearly two years ago. We were tempted to do party bags for her friends to take home.

Individual bottles of sherry/gin/whisky/brandy.
Piece of birthday cake made by DS.
One of those wooden puzzles which are fiendish to solve.
Party hat, blower and some 90th confetti.

SarfEast1cated · 13/10/2015 18:48

I think the party is the actual blummin thing, not the bags! We usually pay for nice food, entertainment, spend ages planning nice stuff for them all to do, the party bag is just the icing on the cake isn't it? I did for DD's 8th Birthday party bag, a pen, and pad, a twirly straw a lollipop and a bag of crisps - thank you Tiger. I would usually have spares if anything went wrong with the tat high quality goods on the day, but after the actual party I would take no responsibility for breakages.

Pointlessfan · 13/10/2015 19:00

I love the story about the sink plungers - that's hilarious!!

Forestdreams · 13/10/2015 19:31

Love the sink plungers!

Elly I quite like doing party bags and my DC love the tat. We have a box for party bag/stocking tat and it gets loads of use. If I'm honest it is a norm these days, and my DC do get them at 99% of parties they go to. To accept them all year but not offer any when we host seems a bit mean IMO. And it does my DC no harm to get involved in choosing the tat for their friends, weighing up differently priced options etc.

KERALA1 · 13/10/2015 20:12

Friend of a friend had a call from a mum after party "you seem to have forgotten to give Archie his party bag" response "nope his behaviour was so appalling I felt he didn't deserve one" phone down. God I admire that mothers balls!

customercare · 13/10/2015 20:21

My dcs never bothered even looking inside the party bags they were given so I confess I used to save up the favours and recycle them into the party bags given out at the end of my own dcs' parties.

EllyHigginbottom · 13/10/2015 20:22

If you like doing party bags, by all means, do them. I got the impression that some don't. I wouldn't even consider party bags, mostly because I bin them the moment my kids walk in the door from a party.

But I agree they've become standard.

KERALA1 · 13/10/2015 20:24

Books are genius. Buy a whole pack from amazon for one delivery charge voila brand new book per kid for £10 all in. Have done horrible history, holly Webb and Jacqueline Wilson packs.

My favourite was one grabby little madam asking for a party bag whilst clutching the huge £12 build a bear toy she had from dds party...

Senpai · 13/10/2015 20:36

DD's too young for birthday parties. But my mother just got a few things related to the party and gave the kids that. So, my brother had a car themed party, all the kids got one hot wheel car and that was their favor. There's no point in spending money to give out crap that is just another thing to clutter up the room and will never be touched, imho.

I went to a party for an animal lover and we each got one blind paper bag with a "Puppy in my pocket" in it and each respectively played with our puppies together. I went to another party where we got pogs or teenie beanies.

Now that I think about it the 90's were great for quality but cheap collectibles you could give kids to add to their current collections.

Anyway, I'll probably do the same thing. They have all the candy and cake from the actual party to load up on while they're there (we eat cake with the birthday girl during the party here instead of putting it in bags).

IUsuallyAm · 13/10/2015 21:20

I've always enjoyed preparing party bags which are related to the theme of the party (and free of tat if poss)... For example, DD1 had a flower party which meant a little terracotta pot, a bag of compost and a packet of sunflower seeds. DD2 was quite keen on colour themed parties for a while which was fun!

I've done them for friends' children too, in lieu of a birthday present, when the friend was stressing about what they were going to do... Attendees seemed quite pleased to have something different... I wonder if there's a new business idea for me here!

Most children seem delighted with whatever they're given - it really is the mothers who show their true colours at the end of the party!

Pennybun4 · 13/10/2015 21:29

I am a September baby and one year had a conker party for my birthday. Prizes for the biggest, smallest, shiniest, etc. Each of my friends got to take home the carrier bag of conkers they had collected. Mum tells me the other Mums' faces were pictures when they came to collect their DC.

Think they got a slice of cake too.

Dancergirl · 13/10/2015 21:52

All this fuss over party bags!

The point is, you're doing them for the kids and kids LIKE a bit of plastic tat. So what if it doesn't last long, who remembers that moment of joy looking in the bag to see what's in there...?

Childhood is short enough as it is, plenty of time for 'wholesome' seeds, socks, toothbrushes and other 'tat-free' stuff.

Foslady · 13/10/2015 21:52

at one party I gave the bags at the beginning. They had a craft activity in that they sat and did all party and with the exception of one brat dear had a fab time. Tea was cakes and sweets so they just raided that if they wanted to take anything else home (3pm on a Sunday so wasn't serving sandwiches!)

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