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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WWYD about complicated situation

127 replies

MustBeLoopy390 · 11/10/2015 20:52

Long story so not to drip feed.
SIL 3 is a serial piss taker regarding her children and her expectance of everyone dropping everything for her. For the past month I have been planning a family day out to a significant place for DH's birthday, it can only be on this one day due to business closing for winter etc. He has no idea we are going, but all his sisters and his parents do. MIL will be driving me, DH, and DS's in her car, FIL unfortunately has to work (that's fine as he is main earner) SIL 1 lives at the other end of the country and her DH cannot get the time off, so they are sending a card and seeing us next time they can (we all understand, this is no issue.) SIL 2 has just started work in a new pub and with it being the local team's match day cannot get the full day off (again we fully understand). My DD's bio dad has also got plans booked with DD so we are celebrating beforehand with her as a family. Now here's the issue. SIL 3's Husband's nana has unfortunately passed away, and the funeral is on the same day as the day out. Baring in mind SIL 3 and H have very very little contact with his family and normally cannot stand to be at events SIL has now decided they simply must go to the funeral, but she will not take her children. She has found a babysitter for her youngest, but she will not look after the eldest as in her words he is a sod to look after. We have no space in the car, and in all honesty I'm a little annoyed that SIL 3 playing happy families with people she describes as 'hills have eyes wannabes' is at the moment coming before my DH's day. In this situation would you:
A) give up on the day out and just forget the whole thing
B) offer to pay for a childminder for Dnephew
C) tell SIL 3 to sort it fast
I know I'm being a bit bitchy but this is the woman who has constantly took MIL's time and attention away from her siblings, and frequently takes the piss out of the lot of them. Thanks in advance

OP posts:
ptumbi · 13/10/2015 18:03

Ywbu to not help if you were available Hmm fuck that.

No one is obliged to look after anyone else's child, related or not. Favours should be earned, and reciprocated if possible, and be received with huge gratitude. If this is not te case, nephew or not, loved or not, the childcare is the total responsibilty of the parents.

rollonthesummer · 13/10/2015 18:14

How often do you look after her son?
Does she look after your kids?
How does she propose you fit her son in the car to go out for DH's birthday?

If you've said no and mil says no-just ignore the texts. Not really your problem.

MustBeLoopy390 · 13/10/2015 20:46

Normally have Dnephew once a week on a Saturday night, but will be cutting this way back. Nope she won't have our kids as there is apparently no need in it because I don't go drinking on an evening/weekend. I've been taken for a mug for far too long now I think it's time to put myself first for bloody once Smile

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 13/10/2015 21:10

Normally have Dnephew once a week on a Saturday night

What!? Why on earth do you agree?

MustBeLoopy390 · 13/10/2015 21:14

Simply, he is happy here with us, he knows us, and IMO (not bashing) I'd rather him be with us than some random person.

OP posts:
ThisWasCrownjewel · 13/10/2015 21:19

Either I'm being spectacularly fun tonight and I concede that it's highly likely or none of this makes sense Confused

So some family members were going, most weren't - now some more aren't going, but nephew who was originally going with SIL, is still wanting to go?

I don't see what the problem is...

rollonthesummer · 13/10/2015 21:21

Very commendable, but it's a slippery slope if you feel he's better with you than some random person. Would you rather he was you on your DH's day out or with some random person?

She's taking the piss totally, but you let her.

ThisWasCrownjewel · 13/10/2015 21:21

Fun?!?!

Either I'm being spectacularly DIM tonight...

told you I was

MustBeLoopy390 · 13/10/2015 21:22

No, Dnephew doesn't know we are going. SIL is being a pita wanting me to look after Dnephew when she knows I'm busy and have no way of taking him with us. She is refusing to sort out childcare and now I am refusing to let her make it my problem.

OP posts:
MustBeLoopy390 · 13/10/2015 21:23

Rollon, difference being during the day she normally leaves him with people he is used to, whereas she will leave him with anyone who will take him overnight if it means she can go get pissed.

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 13/10/2015 21:30

But you are totally enabling her behaviour; she has no incentive to change.

If you cancel (which you were considering earlier) then SIL will find out and know you have no reason not to have her children that day!

If I were you, I'd stick to the plan and tell her you have no transport for any extra people. She can't argue with that.

I would also develop a social life at the weekends of my own that precludes having her kids EVERY single week!

toastyarmadillo · 13/10/2015 21:39

Love putting drama llama back in the paddock

MustBeLoopy390 · 13/10/2015 22:02

I fully get that I've been enabling, MIL has set me straight now. It's mainly because I prefer to stay home rather than go out, I don't mind the very occasional evening out but nothing beats being snuggled up in duvet/blanket with film/book/game for me. But I will not have Dnephew every weekend from now on. I'm going to stop 'over-caring' as MIL puts it.

OP posts:
NumbBlaseCold · 13/10/2015 22:05

Keep saying no to her.

She will learn after a time.

The more rude she is to you, the less favours you do.

WhereYouLeftIt · 13/10/2015 22:32

Your MIL is a star!

Nanny0gg · 14/10/2015 00:20

Who has DNiece every weekend?

Where is her DH in all this?

Arfarfanarf · 14/10/2015 06:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MustBeLoopy390 · 14/10/2015 07:36

Dneice is left with her dad, he will only 'babysit' her because of her age (under a year) as he can play his games whilst holding her. He's just the same as SIL unfortunately, incredibly entitled and very selfish. I think the plan is to leave before they will be setting off iyswim so we won't be there if that is tried.

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 14/10/2015 08:07

Did you answer this question yesterday-

How does she expect you to get yourselves plus your nephew in the car? Is it a 7-seater?

MustBeLoopy390 · 14/10/2015 10:38

She doesn't expect him to fit as its a 5 seater, she expects us to cancel or pay out to hire a bigger car which isn't going to happen.

OP posts:
NumbBlaseCold · 14/10/2015 19:09

They sound perfect for each other.

Your poor DN.

Stay firm.

Say No.

twelfstripe · 14/10/2015 19:20

Wow, what a mess.

I was on the 'hire a bigger car camp' until I saw that SIL has been sending abusive messages.

Based on that alone you should stop helping her out with childcare.

clam · 14/10/2015 20:22

And when you were on the "hire a bigger car" camp, who did you think should have been paying for that?

AyeAmarok · 14/10/2015 21:09

she expects us to cancel or pay out to hire a bigger car

Yeah, she's a dick!

AyeAmarok · 14/10/2015 21:09

she expects us to cancel or pay out to hire a bigger car

Yeah, she's a dick!