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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to put up a fight about this?

122 replies

DaniBubbles · 10/10/2015 11:34

Long story short- after years of putting up with downright nasty behaviour from my parents, things have come to a head.
I am about to cut contact with them completely but my dad has phoned and told me he wants belongings from my house. Most items are rightly his e.g. camping stuff, home videos etc which I have no problem with however there are 2 items which I'm reluctant to return:

A TV (Sony 40" about 8 years old) which he paid for and gifted to me for my first flat which I have then gone on to move to another flat and eventually my house.

An outdoor table and chair set which they gifted to me from my childhood home. My parents live in a flat without a garden which leads me to believe they are just going to bin it out of spite.

Is it worth putting up a fight about this? Or should I just hand it all over and cut contact?

OP posts:

Donthate · 10/10/2015 15:09

Is the flat agreement in writing? Have you checked they are still paying the mortgage. Sell it from under their arses but only if you can afford to pay the mortgage if they stop. You might have to sell it as with tenants unless you can get them to move out.

AcrossthePond55 · 10/10/2015 15:10

Do you have any written agreements with regards to the flat? If there has been any 'upkeep' or repairs have they been paying or you?

See a solicitor ASAP and depending on what they say about your parents having financial 'interest' in the flat I'd either make an offer (via solicitor) for them to buy it (if they have an 'interest') or evict them. It's not likely they'll cooperate with the estate agent or for showings if you try to sell it on the open market.

Could it be possible that they've already seen a solicitor regarding their 'rights' with regards to the flat? I can't believe they'd cut off their noses to spite their faces by antagonizing their 'landlady' like this!

Skullyton · 10/10/2015 15:26

depends on how nasty you want to get. If you own it and there is no paperwork giving them legal tenancy, i'd wait till they go out and change the locks on them.

Tell them if they want it, they have to buy it, then put it up for sale.

Fannycraddock79 · 10/10/2015 16:08

I was going to add that you should buy a fuck off great big new tv and put the old one in its box to 'protect it' for them, that would really piss them off knowing you didn't need it anyway but I am petty like that.

Original poster

DaniBubbles · 10/10/2015 17:28

Everything has been collected. No idea if they have read the note but they can't have missed it, it was taped to the front of the tv. I'm feeling strangely relieved.

I'm definitely going to the mortgage people on Monday then I'll make an appt with a solicitor to find out my options.

Time for TV shopping now

OP posts:

AcrossthePond55 · 10/10/2015 19:52

At this point, if they are paying the mortgage direct, I'd send them a written request for the 'rent' to be paid directly to you. But ask the solicitor first, of course.

Topseyt · 11/10/2015 14:58

If you do set up buy to let and an official tenancy then do remember that it is possible, with the right legal advice, to sell a property with sitting tenants in it. I have done this before as a landlord.

You might get a fair bit of satisfaction out of selling your parents.

Original poster

DaniBubbles · 11/10/2015 15:09

Just received a text message demanding yet more stuff. This time a disposable BBQ, a saw from my shed which was there when I moved in, and a panel heater from my flat which I removed after I moved out. It is now currently upstairs to heat the bedroom (which they know because they have seen it).

No mention of the note or consideration of my request to cut contact.

They're obviously still playing the game but i'm half tempted to ignore the message. Would this be reasonable?

OP posts:

Tiptops · 11/10/2015 15:17

Yes, ignore. They clearly don't want to respect your request for NC, so unless you draw the line they'll carry on taunting you.

honeyrider · 11/10/2015 15:17

Ignore it and block their numbers. I cut my mother out of my life nearly 12.5 years ago when my Dad died and my only regret is not doing it sooner. My life is so much happier without her in it.

Forestdreams · 11/10/2015 15:19

Dani this is just awful. I would be tempted to ignore, at least until you have spoken to someone about the flat and have a plan on how you will deal with that. Realistically you won't be able to extricate yourself from the flat situation without having any contact with them at all.

I would be worried that they will simply stop paying the mortgage.

Seriously, a disposable bbq?!

sodabreadjam · 11/10/2015 15:20

Do they actually own or did they actually buy any of these things?

Their requests seem petty and ridiculous - especially as they are ignoring the elephant in the room - the fact that you are effectively their landlord.

Before you reply to anything else, speak to the mortgage company tomorrow - and a solicitor if possible - to clarify your position with regard to the flat they are living in.

Fyaral · 11/10/2015 15:21

You could shit them right up by texting back an 'eviction' notice.

eddielizzard · 11/10/2015 15:22

yes definitely ignore!

you could set up an email address specifically for them. text them and tell them that this is how they are to communicate with you. then block all their numbers. get a friend or your oh to read the emails and only tell you the stuff you really need to know.

the sooner you get that flat sorted out (preferably sold or them out) the better.

good luck.

Jux · 11/10/2015 15:23

Are they likely to go further than texts? Like send a lawyers letter or something?

YouTheCat · 11/10/2015 15:23

If a solicitor advises you that you can, evict them.

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 11/10/2015 15:29

The stuff they're asking for is stupid and valueless. It's a power play. (Obviously.)

Two choices: (1) ignore and block them. (2) no, without further explanation. (If you start explaining why everything is a no, then it'll probably go on forever, but even just a "no" would probably be enough.)

Ideal course of action from my easy-peasy 5,000 foot perspective: go with (1), get the legal stuff sorted, and if need be, kick them out of the bloody flat. Silence is a surprisingly powerful weapon and shield. Use it.

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 11/10/2015 15:30

eddielizzard's advice is top notch.

Original poster

DaniBubbles · 11/10/2015 16:02

sodabreadjam
Well my dad paid for the disposable BBQ but come on, really? He doesn't even have a garden to be able to use one.
The saw was at my house when I moved in- the previous owners had left it.
The heater I paid for and he has already installed panel heaters into my flat when he moved in so not as if he needs it.

Jux yes they are likely to take it further. Either lawyer letters or my dad would have no hesitation popping the lock on the shed and just taking the saw.

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 11/10/2015 16:06

If he pops the lock and takes anything, call the police. Make sure they know you won't be toyed with or bow down to their tactics.

I'd seriously get them out of your flat before they have a chance to cause any damage or default on the mortgage payments.

goawayalready · 11/10/2015 16:13

send him a text reminding him you have asked him to no longer contact you when he does call the police as you have proof he is harassing you

change the locks on the flat? do you have anything in writing about the flat? can you afford the mortgage yourself?

sodabreadjam · 11/10/2015 16:14

A disposable BBQ costs less than a fiver and they can't even use it - madness.

The other things weren't even theirs in the first place. They are really scraping the barrel with pathetic requests just to annoy you and get a response. Your dad sounds a bit unhinged to be honest.

Don't bother replying - get professional advice tomorrow.

reni2 · 11/10/2015 16:18

Do not answer, get legal advice and get rid of the flat. Put the saw in your house, call the police if anybody forces the lock to your shed.

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 11/10/2015 16:20

I'd be tempted to move the saw inside and balance a bucket of sawdust birdshit/vomit/faeces up over the door so that he gets covered in it if/when he breaks in.

Legal advice. Restraining orders. All the evidence. Get it and get rid of them both. And/or let him ramp up huge legal fees trying to sue you for the value of a disposable barbecue. (What a tool.)

Original poster

DaniBubbles · 11/10/2015 16:24

goaway Yes I can afford to pay the mortgage on my own. Funnily enough, changing the locks on the flat was the first thing they did when they moved in. Refused to give me a spare set and demanded I return the fob for the security entry so that I, in their words, "couldn't come into the building whenever I want".

In hindsight, very controlling behaviour.

I am definitely making an appt regarding the flat tomorrow.

OP posts:

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