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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to put up a fight about this?

122 replies

DaniBubbles · 10/10/2015 11:34

Long story short- after years of putting up with downright nasty behaviour from my parents, things have come to a head.
I am about to cut contact with them completely but my dad has phoned and told me he wants belongings from my house. Most items are rightly his e.g. camping stuff, home videos etc which I have no problem with however there are 2 items which I'm reluctant to return:

A TV (Sony 40" about 8 years old) which he paid for and gifted to me for my first flat which I have then gone on to move to another flat and eventually my house.

An outdoor table and chair set which they gifted to me from my childhood home. My parents live in a flat without a garden which leads me to believe they are just going to bin it out of spite.

Is it worth putting up a fight about this? Or should I just hand it all over and cut contact?

OP posts:
Original poster
DaniBubbles · 10/10/2015 13:59

Thank you all for your replies.

I have put everything including the tv and outdoor furniture on the driveway with a note telling them that I want no further contact.

I'm going to send a text telling them they have 2 hours to collect everything. Would this be a reasonable timeframe?

I am going to go out shopping in the meantime and DP is going to stay home and make sure they don't play silly games.

Only other thing now that connects us is the flat they are living in is in my name.

Thanks again for all replies. They were greatly appreciated. My mind was mush and I really needed some outside perspective.

OP posts:
PeteAndManu · 10/10/2015 14:05

What is the Arrangement with the flat, that will be the next thing your dad will focus. Can you disentangle yourself completely? If it's on your name can they not pay rent / mortgage / damage it so that it causes you hassle and loss?

cozietoesie · 10/10/2015 14:06

I agree with getting all the things back to them - I would never want reminders of them around.

It's a pity you didn't have time to spray them eg fluorescent lime with added sparkles first, though. Wink

cozietoesie · 10/10/2015 14:07

PS - I meant the TV and the garden set.

Optimist1 · 10/10/2015 14:09

Definitely the right thing to do to return the temporary gifts! I'm concerned about their flat being in your name, though. If the're the petty type they sound like they could cause you problems there, no? You should extricate yourself from that ASAP, in my opinion!

pinkstinks · 10/10/2015 14:10

Also make sure no one else takes them in the meantime or they might think you were lying if a chancer takes the TV etc...

cozietoesie · 10/10/2015 14:12

Yes - what are the current arrangements on the flat?

Arfarfanarf · 10/10/2015 14:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ratbagcatbag · 10/10/2015 14:20

I'd get your name removed from the flat, even if that means they need to find somewhere else to live.
I'm nc with my dad and have been for 15 years. Best feeling ever, but not easy and be kind to yourself, I've been having councelling for a few years to help get over some of the issues that I have from my parents.

eddielizzard · 10/10/2015 14:21

yes but brace yourself.

and look into how to get your name off that flat. that will be the next thing.

Original poster
DaniBubbles · 10/10/2015 14:23

pinkstinks the driveway is gated and locked so no chance of anyone stealing it. I will unlock the gate after I've text me parents to let them know it is there waiting for them.

With regards to the flat, there was an agreement made that instead of paying "rent", they would pay the mortgage. I'm going to go to the building society on Monday and talk through my options, could possibly change the mortgage to a buy-to-let then get a proper tenancy agreement drawn up with my parents. So that way if they stop paying or decide to wreck the flat, I can legally ask them to move out.

OP posts:
wickedlazy · 10/10/2015 14:25

I'd just hand them over. You will feel liberated, and they will hopefully feel a smidge of guilt. Awful behaviour to demand the return of gifts!

Have you given them anything of value over the years? Ask for it back and pawn towards new TV.

NewLife4Me · 10/10/2015 14:25

Can you bring the garden furniture inside so they can't take it.
Put all their stuff in the garden, lock up and go to a cafe or shops and call them to collect by a certain time.
If they don't collect send to charity shop.

Verypissedoffwife · 10/10/2015 14:30

They've asked you to return am old tv and garden set whilst you own their HOME??? They sound nuts!

Tallyloolah · 10/10/2015 14:31

Take your name off the flat. If they get kicked out its their problem not yours, sweetheart. You're well rid. Have they collected the stuff?

Tallyloolah · 10/10/2015 14:33

Oops x-posted RE: Flat. Your idea is better.

AdoraBell · 10/10/2015 14:35

For me, if it's bad enough that you Go no contact then you don't need these things To remind you of them.

I went NC, I do realise How difficult it is to make these decisións.

Of course I should say just hand them over as suggested by mrssmith79, but my inner bitch would say something like - I really hope you enjoy using the fucking huge TV in your small flat, oh and the garden furniture too, that'll look faboulous in your lounge Beyeee

sodabreadjam · 10/10/2015 14:35

Right - so you own the flat they live in and have a mortgage on it. But they are paying the mortgage. Hopefully they are paying the money to you, not the mortgage company.

Do you really want to become their official landlord as it will mean continued contact? Maybe better to work towards selling the flat.

AdoraBell · 10/10/2015 14:42

Oh, I missed the part about the flat, sorry. Do they have proof that they have paíd the mortgage as opposed To rent?

Arfarfanarf · 10/10/2015 14:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

juneau · 10/10/2015 14:49

I agree - hand it all over without a fight. This will take the wind out of their sails as it sounds like they expect to fight with you over it.

As for the flat - yes, do what you can to legally protect yourself. If necessary, sell it in order to sever the final piece of contact. You can always buy another investment property.

gamerchick · 10/10/2015 14:55

Bit of an own goal of you own the flat they're living in Hmm silly buggers.

Yeah you need that all official asap.

expatinscotland · 10/10/2015 14:55

I'd sell the flat, too.

Forestdreams · 10/10/2015 15:00

You could find yourself with a problem if they stop paying the mortgage on a debt that's in your name.

I hope it all goes smoothly but yes, get some professional advice on that asap.

Jux · 10/10/2015 15:03

I think I would sell the flat too. Tell them you're taking legal advice (once you have, of course). Good luck

They'll most likely carry on playing silly buggers so there's less need to factor that in - they'll do it whatever you do.