to be fed up with women's comments on my body shape

[hauntedbytheghost]

I'm tall and willowy and I'm sick of other women slyly insinuating I don't eat enough/well. It's really embarrassing. I was a very slight child and my mum had to put up with this shit from other mothers. Can't believe I can be nearing 30 and still have to deal with it.

Any tips on how to react? It feels humiliating so I just brush it off but inside I'm fuming. Also hate that it would be fucking unacceptable were I to mention THEIR excess weight and question them on their eating habits!

I get this too. "Oooh you're tall" - um, 5 feet 8, not really. "skinny" - I'm not, I'm a normal weight and could happily lose a couple of pounds. Clearly I don't fit into some pre-determined average. I don't comment on other people's appearance at all. I now generally say something like "I'm not really comfortable with comments on my appearance, thanks".

Oh, and I hate the "men prefer women with a bit of weight on their bones" type comment. I don't really care what multiple men prefer. Why would I? If I was in some job or industry that was dependent on it, or slept around, then yes, perhaps I would. But that would be quite unusual.

Ah yes, the 'men like real women' spiel.

Actually I'm surprisingly curvy in terms of bust, arse, hips. I'm always tempted to lift my shirt up to 'prove' I'm not as skinny as my limbs would seem.

Maybe I need to start wearing more dresses etc instead of skinny jeans.

Every time you get one of these comments you should preen inwardly. If they say, 'You've got skinny legs.' Just reply, 'Yes I'm so lucky.' Don't put yourself down or react aggressively. What a bunch of twats. At one point I lost 7 stone and the comments to me about 'wasting away' were incredible. Usually from slim people who were comfortable with me being the fat one. Sadly I'm fat again due to illness and stress.

Good answer WAM.

Wow derxa, what a bunch of bints. It works the other way too, I sew and the other day at the sewing workshop an overweight woman was having the skirt she's making fitted, and another woman said "Ooh nice, very slimming". Now I know she meant well, but honestly, just say it looks nice and leave it at that.

My dd is 17 and is tall and very slim. She is glad to have left school now, the bullying she received there regarding this was horrible and has left her with awful insecurities about her body shape . She's such a sweetheart too who would never say an unkind think back in defence least of all remarking on anyone's shape.

She eats very well, not that it was anyone's business what she eats. I've had some terribly upsetting conversations with her trying to get her to see that there is absolutely no truth in any of the remarks and that in many cases I suspect they've come from envy. It's def knocked her confidence.

Same here Screm, same height as you. It's hardly abnormal. I'm sure you get that thing where some shorter women bang on about how delicate and petite you make them feel. ;)

Oh Sorted, I hope she starts to get a bit of confidence :-S I had this too. Still remember the day a gang of absolute bitches took me aside because they were "concerned" I had "an eating disorder".

Yes, I have a 14year old DD who is also tall and slim and has had her confidence knocked by comments about her weight.

Boys constantly commenting on her breast size - she's 14 for gods sake!

I have the same figure as you (think Cameron Diaz) and have had the comments all my life!! They're jealous, pure and simple!! But take it as a compliment because they want to be just like you

"I think the way we comment on each other's appearance all the time is weird. Men don't do it to each other do they? It's some awful throw back to women's worth being defined by how they look. We are so socially conditioned that the cycle is hard to break.

I've lost a lot of weight this year and I find the amount of people who comment on it astonishing, people I barely know. I hate it because I feel it draws attention to what is a huge, huge issue to me. They say "you've lost weight" or "you look great" and all I hear is "you used to be fat".

I would never comment on someone's size, but then again some people seem to be pissed off if you don't notice they've lost weight or had a haircut or something confused."

I completely agree with quiero's comment here

I have lost weight in the last few months from being ill. A very senior woman at work, who I barely know, told me in an encouraging way "you've lost so much weight!"

I wouldn't dream of making such a personal remark, but weight and diets seem to fall into the category of "small talk" when it comes to women. And yes, it's totally social conditioning

Be proud of your body because it sounds like there's lots to be proud of!

I wish I had been prouder of my body when I was younger. I was too busy being overly critical to enjoy it. Now I have a much less "media friendly" body (I say that because it doesn't fit the stereotype that appears in the media as desirable) but I appreciate it because it is strong, it is healthy and it lets me do things I need to and make me happy. It might be a bit fat in the middle and I might not be as fit as I could be and it would be nice if my skin was better but it doesn't really matter. It's is good enough.

I don't care what other people think. I care what I think and I'm lucky.

Well often people who become fashion models talk about this happening at school. I'm talking about people who are slim and healthy. We all have different metabolic rates and some store fat more readily than others.

It's actually bullying because when challenged these types of people are apt to say, 'I'm only joking'.

YANBU I still get this and I am nearly 50

Ignore and change the subject

I don't think people mean to be offensive when they comment on people's weight. I find attitudes towards weight are completely odd.

I got really upset earlier on this year when people kept on telling me how great I looked - I have always been (reasonably) slim but earlier on this year I lost a nearly a stone in weight through illness and I was definitely too thin and looked ill.

I wonder what is wrong with us women that we are jealous of those who are naturally slim and aspire to being so thin we look ill. It is just not normal to comment on body shape / weight of others.

I dont wish to discuss my weight or size with anyone other than my gp.

My size is none of your business.

My body is private, i dont wish to discuss the matter.

Any of the above, or combination. You dont need to justify your size by mentioning how much you eat. Their insecurities about size are not your responsibility.

I really like Derxa's reply: "yes, I'm so lucky."
Seeing as people who make these comments are just jealous, that should shut them up. I am tall and slim too and hate how I can't eat an apple or a salad without getting some comment about how I'm on a diet etc. I've received comments about my figure all my life, so now I find it so annoying I just stick to a shrug in reply because I am not going to discuss my weight or diet with someone I don't know well.

I've always been curvy (in the euphemism for chubby sense) but have had times where I slimmed down and I got a perverse kick out of women telling me I looked too thin/bony/had lost too much weight... because I know full well it's based in jealousy and insecurity at their own weight.

Yes if you hear comments day in and out, sooner or later you do take it in subconsciously.

Haunted my dd has had similar happen at school and worse. PE was hellish for her and she'd hide away to get changed.

I've been appalled at some of what she's told me.

It all came tumbling out when I decided to treat her to some pretty underwear a few months ago and she could barely even try anything on. My lovely dd actually thought she looked horrible and cried It's as though part of her believes it. We we've both been in tears over it. But mainly I'm raging. Im trying to get a bit of counselling for her now to set her straight.

It's as though she's been deliberately demolished for daring to be tall and slim.

Some women can't accept that some of us can eat cake,crisps, whatever we want and be slim, whilst they would need to eat a restrictive diet - so they choose to believe anyone slim must be starving themselves.

Yadnbu. I so agree with everything. I'm very tall, slightly built and skinny. As is 11yr old dd.
Agree with everything said. Plus as I eat lots, it's apparently ok to express suprise I eat that much, and bang on about where I put it. Or imply I'm bulimic. If however I ever say no to food, it's apparently ok to tell me I need to eat.
There are times when I'm really tempted to reverse it. Because comments on thinness aren't always intended as compliments.
It's the rudeness of making personal comments that annoys me, and the fact for years I took them to heart.
I look on the positive side, I've got a brilliant figure and more importantly the self confidence to know I look good. So all the women with so little self esteem they need to put me down can get to fuck.

Adult ever says anything to dd that's intended to be a dig before she's adult herself and I'll rip them a new one.

I'm very short and fat and my best friend is very tall and slim. When we appear in public together, Christ on a bike. I do get comments like " wow you look/dress/eat/have skinny legs/exist generally well for a fat bird". I'm not sure if sometimes it's a backhanded compliment or if it's just "cattiness" (awful word)

"Men like x" statements absolutely boil my piss though, I know it's meant to be empowering but I don't think teaching your DDs their worth is determined by their desirability is right

I hear you op! I'm very slim, always have been and think I always will be. I've grown up with people trying to feed me, offer me food all the time, making a big fuss over how little I eat (which was the same as everyone else). I've been a tiny size 6 all along and only recently have gone up to an almost 8. The difference is very slight but it's the first thing people comment on!!
'Are you eating properly now' , ' so good to see you looking healthy' 'you must feel better now'. It's so frustrating.

It's mainly positive comments I get from other slim women.

The barbed comments are generally from women who probably would look better if they lost some weight. I shrug it off. Fact is, I'm naturally skinny and always have been. yes, I go to the gym a fair bit, but that's no hardship as I love it, and I eat three full meals a day, plus snacks. Just very very rarely do I eat junk. That seems to piss larger people off and as its a bit of a free for all on skinny people, they feel forts lie enough to make comments. I pity them a bit, I get to walk off being tall and slim, whereas, quite honestly, they don't!

Oh and the "men like x" comments makes me chuckle.