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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not have agreed to travel for this meeting?

101 replies

VelvetSpoon · 09/10/2015 19:13

I have a meeting in a couple of weeks time with 2 colleagues. We all work in different offices, me and colleague 1 are within an hour of London, colleague 2 is 2 hours away.

Generally we arrange meetings in London.

Both colleagues have pre school age children. However they also have spouses, and parents/grandparents around. My DC are older (secondary school age) but I'm a lone parent with an unreliable Ex, and no living family.

It was suggested moving the meeting outside London today, to which I said no as it would mean me leaving home at 6am and not getting back til possibly 9pm. I have to leave before 8 every day for work as it is and am not normally home til between 6-7.

AIBU to have said no? I very rarely play the lone parent card and have done long days or indeed overnights before but am trying to limit this now as I really don't feel it benefits my DC...

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 09/10/2015 19:19

It depends. I take it you're happy for about 1/3 of the meetings to be nearer the person based 2 hours away? And it's just the start time that's the problem for this one?

Because it would be unreasonable to expect one person out of 3 to always be the one to have the long journey....but reasonable to aim for viable timings.

ghostyslovesheep · 09/10/2015 19:20

yeah I think you are - it's one meeting

Booyaka · 09/10/2015 19:23

Ask if they can do it later in the day. But I agree with nocool. Colleague 2 shouldn't bear the burden of the extra travel each time, it's not fair on them. Either you travel closer to them for 1/3 of the meetings or you meet somewhere outside London which means you are traveling a more equitable distance.

trollkonor · 09/10/2015 19:25

Yes, I also think you are. It's one meeting, you always had the easiest journey, secondary school kids can get out of the house, get home and look after themselves.

MaidOfStars · 09/10/2015 19:26

How old are your children and how much can they be trusted to get up, feed themselves and get themselves to school? Then get home and order a pizza for tea?

Original poster
VelvetSpoon · 09/10/2015 19:26

Meetings are always in London. Colleague 1 is only able to attend meetings there. The suggestion for this meeting was that I travelled to Colleague 2's office and Colleague 1 simply wouldn't attend.

Colleague 2's journey to London is shorter than my journey would be to their office.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 09/10/2015 19:27

It depends on whether the colleague two hours away is always disadvantaged.

If s/he is I think it's time you gave a little and had to take on some inconvenience. I don't think your family circumstances are relevant. In any case you don't know what commitments the families of your colleagues have.

Original poster
VelvetSpoon · 09/10/2015 19:32

Unfortunately no, my DC can't be trusted 100%, to get up for school, certainly not if I'm leaving that early.

There's no possibility of having a meeting anywhere equidistant, as our company doesn't have any offices between London and colleague 2s office. Our offices are further from that office than London, hence why London is where most meetings are held.

There's not really any prospect of starting later - if I leave at 6, I wouldn't get to colleague 2s office til nearly 10, and we have a 6 hour meeting scheduled. If it started later I'd just be back even later!

OP posts:
Original poster
VelvetSpoon · 09/10/2015 19:34

I don't know precisely what commitments they have. However I do know both colleagues have spouses and other family who regularly assist with childcare, I don't have that.

OP posts:
MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 09/10/2015 19:37

I think you're unreasonable, sorry. If you're going to work you've got to suck it up sometimes. Not fair on colleague 2.

ilovesooty · 09/10/2015 19:37

I don't really think your childcare arrangements are something they should have to accommodate. Everyone should be treated equally as far as possible when looking at scheduling the meetings.

MaidOfStars · 09/10/2015 19:39

Can you say where the offices are? Don't think it will out you in any way.

FadedRed · 09/10/2015 19:42

Why not video or tele conference from your offices- then no one needs to travel?

Branleuse · 09/10/2015 19:44

if you cant make it, you cant make it

Duckdeamon · 09/10/2015 19:47

Why do you need face to face internal meetings with colleagues you know well? Just speak on the phone or do videoconferencing.

Bogeyface · 09/10/2015 19:47

faded that was my thought!

Any materials such a agenda, notes etc can be emailed in advance, and if you are doing it online then you may find that the meeting doesnt take 6 hours as it is less easy to be distracted by general chatting and lunch etc.

SwedishEdith · 09/10/2015 19:47

I don't really think your childcare arrangements are something they should have to accommodate

So, what would someone do who had no childcare in this situation?

OP - have your kids got any friends that they could stay over with the night before? Could you ask their parents?

jelliebelly · 09/10/2015 19:48

Why do you have to meet face to face? We've been using video conference/FaceTime/conference calls for ages now to save on both time wasted travelling and the expense.

What on earth are 2 people going to talk about for 6 hours!!!

jelliebelly · 09/10/2015 19:49

YANBU btw

Tiggeryoubastard · 09/10/2015 19:51

Their personal lives are irrelevant. The world doesnt revolve around lone parents. You're all paid to do the job.

silverduck · 09/10/2015 19:54

Could you split the meeting into two sessions or teleconference?

maddening · 09/10/2015 19:57

Who is making this suggestion and why? Why is it ok for col 1 to miss the meeting? Why not col 2 miss the meeting if the reason for the move of the meeting is due to col 2 circumstances ?

Original poster
VelvetSpoon · 09/10/2015 19:59

The world doesn't revolve around lone parents I know, but my employers are expected to make reasonable adjustments.

Colleague 1 is not a LP, but does not travel beyond London.

I have travelled regularly, sometimes overnight. However I am trying to cut back on this. There are other meetings I have to attend where I meet with large groups at other offices which I can't not attend.

We do have regular phone meetings as well, these are monthly/ bi monthly meetings which are expected to be face to face. Most meetings in our company are meant to be face to face where possible. Oh, and we don't have video conference facilities.

My eldest DS could stay with a friend, my younger DS couldn't.

OP posts:
PollysHoliday · 09/10/2015 20:02

It seems a little unfair on the third colleague to always have to travel where you two prefer to meet.
Also, unless you intimately know the home and child care arrangements of your colleagues you do sound unreasonable to expect spouses to just pick up the slack.
I work opposite shifts to my DH, neither of us can be very flexible for work (we both work in a field that can demand extreme flexibility so we are probably averagely flexible in reality) because it will impact on the other's ability to work.
I can't see what massive impact this one day will have on you. If you normally leave for work by 8 your teens must be used to getting themselves to school. Just wake them before you leave at 6. And if you regularly don't get home until 7 your teens could surely survive only an extra two hours once in a while. What do they normally do between the end of school and 7? They could surely make a sandwich or beans on toast for tea.

ChunkyPickle · 09/10/2015 20:06

Chiming in on the tele-conferences - I am part of a successful startup with no two people in the same city, spread across 2 countries (with one person constantly on the road elsewhere) - we do everything over Skype/appear.in and it's fine.