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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About computer games before school

42 replies

BondGate · 09/10/2015 06:58

DS1 (4 yrs) started school this September and has been having a hard time settling in. Yesterday, his teacher gave me a glowing report about him at pick-up, which we were very pleased about.

This morning, while I was in the shower, DS1 asked DH if he could play the monster game (an online computer game that's supposed to help children learn to read). DH said yes, and I've got out of the shower to find DS1 engrossed in this.

I'm not happy. Since school started, I've introduced a policy of no TV or games on the tablet in the mornings before school, because if we let DC do these, it just slows everything down and makes it a lot harder to get to school on time. DH is aware of this and had said he was fine with this.

But apparently the monster game is an exception because (a) DS1 was really good at school yesterday so should have things he asks for Hmm and (b) I didn't specifically say DC weren't to play on the desktop computer before school.

DH isn't taking DS1 to school this morning BTW, so it's not really going to impact DH if this messes up our morning routine.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Prettyinblue · 09/10/2015 07:16

Came have no screens before school, it's always a pain in the arse if we do. not only does it slow the whole getting ready thing down it makes them far more moody and argumentative.

It's also the time they all play nicely together after breakfast.

Prettyinblue · 09/10/2015 07:17

Came=we.

I obviously am the exception to the rule!

turningvioletviolet · 09/10/2015 07:26

You posted this at 7am. Unless you have an hour commute to school I really can't see why playing on the computer to while away half an hour at this time of the morning would be any problem. I don't care really. So long as they're washed, dressed and breakfasted they can do what the heck else they want before school.

ladybug201 · 09/10/2015 07:31

I agree with you op.

Behaving at school should be a normal expectation aged 4, not something remarkable.

Fooshufflewickbannanapants · 09/10/2015 07:33

We allow screen time but only after they are ready.

atticusclaw2 · 09/10/2015 07:39

We have restricted screen time in the week unless its homework (mathletics, conquermaths or linguaphone). I'm very strict about no computer games during the week and that covers iPads, phones etc. The TV doesn't ever go on in the mornings either.

If it's been set by school as a task to complete during the week I wouldn't have an issue with this though as long as he was otherwise completely ready for school. He's getting it out of the way which with homework is a good thing, no?

Original poster
BondGate · 09/10/2015 07:47

It's not homework. School haven't set any homework that needs to be done on a computer.

OP posts:
TheGreenNinja · 09/10/2015 07:49

I don't allow screens before school either. I tried letting them play once they were dressed, fed and ready but in reality only one of my three are ever ready with enough time to play and if he started playing, the others would get so distracted they'd be sneaking over to watch and it would put us all back.
Having said that, on the very rare occasion my DH has got up with them to get them ready, he puts the tv on - drives me mad! It's just unthinking, in the 5 years we've been in school-mode, he's probably been up with them 5 or 6 times.

Spidertracker · 09/10/2015 07:58

No screens before school her either.
20 minutes in the evening choice of computer,iPad or TV.
1 hr Saturday and Sunday, choice of computer, iPad, TV or Xbox.
Extra computer time if necessary for homework eg research or MyMaths.
DC are 9 and 6.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/10/2015 08:04

I don't like strict screen time. It just makes the iPad/computer/console even more appealing to kids. As long as ds is totally ready he can go on his iPad or watch a cartoon. I fail to see how it could make you run late if you make him get ready. In fact, he might get ready quicker knowing he is going to get five mins of screen time.

AlistairSim · 09/10/2015 08:12

No screens here before school either. I use the possibility of screen time after school (after homework etc) as a bribe.

atticusclaw2 · 09/10/2015 08:13

I disagree with the notion that it makes screen time more appealing and the implication that being keen to have screen time and not having it is worse somehow than having excessive screen time.

Yes a child with restricted screen time might be keen to have that screen time when it comes around but that in itself isn't a bad thing. Mine could be completely desperate to have screen time but they're not going to get it and they know that. As such there is absolutely no expectation on their part that they will be allowed to grab my phone and play on it the second they sit down on a bus/train/back of the car etc. They get their books out instead or play top trumps or card games. Or we talk. If I do ever allow it because we're stuck in horrendous traffic for three hours or similar scenario then they are grateful for the treat and they are very good at handing it back when I say time is up since they don't want to jeopardise having the screen time in the future.

I frequently give lifts to other children who have their iPhones out of their pockets the minute they step out of school. It's awful.

nooka · 09/10/2015 08:15

We've never really had any rules limiting the amount of TV/computer time, with the exception of before school as we found it just made getting out of the door on time and with tempers intact too difficult.

nooka · 09/10/2015 08:16

Oh and my children have never been reluctant to talk, or to play, or to read. They just enjoy watching TV, surfing the internet and playing games too.

atticusclaw2 · 09/10/2015 08:22

So do mine. I was simply saying they its not correct to imply that restricting screen time makes it more appealing and is a negative thing with a worse impact on children.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/10/2015 08:25

The only children I know with restricted screen time are the ones who are a nightmare when getting them to turn it off. The ones who wake at 5am because it's the weekend and they are allowed to use it. Refusal to do anything else because it is 'screentime'.

atticusclaw2 · 09/10/2015 08:30

It sounds like they're just badly behaved children though

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/10/2015 09:39

They're not. Usually lovely kids. Obviously that isn't the experience that everyone has, it is mine though.

Original poster
BondGate · 09/10/2015 09:52

I can see how allowing some screen time once ready for school could work for some children as an incentive to get ready.

But DH let DS1 on the computer pretty much as soon as DS1 got up. DS1 hadn't had breakfast, he wasn't washed or dressed, he hadn't even gone to the bathroom for a wee.

DS1 doesn't have much of an appetite in the morning, so it's difficult getting him to eat any breakfast even without computer games distracting him.

He generally is allowed screen time before teatime, so it's not like he wouldn't get a chance to play this game later today.

OP posts:
Clutterbugsmum · 09/10/2015 10:12

I agree with you, and I'd be telling DH that next time he lets you DS on the computer before school he will be the one dealing with DS to get him to toilet, eat breakfast, wash and get ready for school and take him to school on time. You will not be around to help.

I would also be telling DS tonight that as he had screen time this morning then he has used his screen time for today, so he will not be getting any later.

Your DH only said yes so he would not be the bad guy.

PhoebeMcPeePee · 09/10/2015 10:28

I don't ever allow screen time before school & after school not until they've had someone to eat & homework is done - this is for my kids & all the school-age kids I childmind.
Sometimes this means they get home, have a snack & do homework quickly so they can watch tv or play on the iPad/Wii for an hour before tea, other days they don't have any screen time because they're either engaged elsewhere or, don't want to do homework straightaway and then find something else to do and forgot about wanting to stare at the screen.

TheSnowFairy · 09/10/2015 10:32

No screens of any sort in the morning here either - tv/pc/phones.

I need calm mornings Grin

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/10/2015 10:32

Op in that situation your dh was completely wrong. He needs to stick to the routine.

EatDessertFirst · 09/10/2015 10:41

My DC (5&7) have tv when they are completely ready for school (dressed, breakfast, teeth done, reading completed), and it is turned off promptly five minutes before we head out the door. They have between 0-30 minutes depending on how early they get up and how quickly they get ready.

Your DH is BU. He should stick to what makes it easiest for you and your DS of you are the one doing the donkey work in the morning.

SaucyJack · 09/10/2015 10:43

No screens here either. Not that we'd have time anyway.

None of us are morning people.

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