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Original poster

To try to get pregnant even though I'm bridesmaid?

79 replies

ThePartyArtist · 06/10/2015 17:16

I've been invited by my best friend to be bridesmaid, along with several other girls. We've been friends since school and I am really over the moon to be asked. The wedding is August 2016. DP and I have been thinking of starting trying for a baby around December / January which could mean being very very near the due date at the time of the wedding. I know there are no guarantees we'll get pregnant when we try so don't want to put it off for the sake of a wedding. But is it better to wait until after her wedding to try? Or start trying later so I'd be further from my due date at the time of the wedding?

OP posts:
Moopsboopsmum · 06/10/2015 17:20

Never wait to TTC.

WorraLiberty · 06/10/2015 17:20

Tbh I'd ask her what she thinks, as she's the one who'll possibly have to sort out the last minute re-sizing.

I would run it by her once you've made up your mind.

Alisvolatpropiis · 06/10/2015 17:22

I wouldn't wait TTC to be honest.

Or ask her permission.

Pixieduster79 · 06/10/2015 17:23

I would maybe let her know of your plans , but I certainly wouldn't put off TTC .

Your life does not revolve around someone else's wedding .

As long as you are upfront but not asking permission to TTC so she knows there might be re sizing issues then go for it !

Twickerhun · 06/10/2015 17:23

We've been ttc for 16 months. Don't wait. If she's a really good friend she will be happy for you more than she's worried about her own concerns.,

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 06/10/2015 17:25

I suppose waiting til feb wont be the end of the world. Youll be 6/7 months, not too close to giving birth, and still be bridesmaid. Any closer and youll risk missing it, or being too big, or having baby in tow.

EponasWildDaughter · 06/10/2015 17:26

Are you going to be MOH?

I would tell the bride that you are starting to TTC now, and that IF your due date ends up falling within a week or two before or after the wedding then you might have to pull out. That way she can keep your allocated roles non essential until a bit nearer the time (by which time you will know).

acquiescence · 06/10/2015 17:27

God no don't ask her what she thinks! Tell her if you think it would be helpful. What odd advice! It's just a wedding, and if you need your dress re sizing/ have a new born/ can't make it then everyone will be fine. If you have fertility issues and end up having investigations and treatment you will really regret wasting those months. Good luck!

acquiescence · 06/10/2015 17:28

Ps my advice was from the point of someone who struggled ttc and was very happy to be pregnant at my own wedding, after deliberating for ages about whether we should wait until after the wedding to ttc and being so glad we didn't!

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 06/10/2015 17:29

Don't wait, or ask.

CookieMonsterIsOnADiet · 06/10/2015 17:30

Just tell her, don't let her go to the expense of a dress or a possible no show. She can then decide to include you or not knowing the risks.

BasinHaircut · 06/10/2015 17:33

tricky but if it was me then I'd tell her. Was almost in a similar situation last year but we decided against TTC and then friend postponed the wedding anyway!

You can't put your life on hold because someone else is getting married. Would you ask her to postpone her wedding until after you have had a baby? Of course not!

Fridgedooropen · 06/10/2015 17:34

Don't put key elements of your own life on hold for anyone else, regardless of how good a friend they are etc. A good friendship isn't dependent on being a bridesmaid, or if you like a slim bridesmaid. It's a long way off yet so no need for declarations now. Once it gets to the point of ordering/making dresses it might be useful to tell her if she's spending a lot of money on something you may not be able to use. But you've not reached that point yet.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 06/10/2015 17:35

Being a bridesmaid isn't a legally binding contract:)

Just say since you are TTC then you will not be a bridesmaid but happily be there for her to try on dresses and the hen do ect.

Pinkrblue · 06/10/2015 17:36

Never ever wait for something as insignificant as someone wedding. Took us 18 months. I nearly stopped trying the month we actually got pregnant as it was exactly 9 months to my sisters wedding. We didn't stop and thankfully I was able to attend with my two week old

slightlyconfused85 · 06/10/2015 17:36

Don't wait. I've got a heavily pregnant bridesmaid and a bridesmaid whose baby will be 8 weeks old at my wedding. I in fact will have a 5 month old of my own - don't hold off your own life she won't mind, or if she does you can just enjoy being a guest

LemonPied · 06/10/2015 17:38

I'm a friends MOH next spring and she was somewhat put out that I told her DP and I are TTC. She asked me to delay, I said no.
We had a decent chat about it and I'm still MOH. She essentially didn't want a pregnant bridesmaid in her photos, she's siince changed her mind.

WorraLiberty · 06/10/2015 17:40

God no don't ask her what she thinks! Tell her if you think it would be helpful. What odd advice!

I meant instead of asking the internet.

I agree, I would tell her rather than ask her if it was me.

PurpleDaisies · 06/10/2015 17:41

You have no idea whether you'll get pregnant easily or not. Don't ask permission. Don't wait. Deal with being a pregnant bridesmaid if it happens.

DoJo · 06/10/2015 17:42

Don't wait, and don't tell her either unless you would have done so anyway.

TheGreaterGood · 06/10/2015 17:43

DO NOT WAIT! We've been TTC for over 2 years with 3 miscarriages to show for it so far. Every time I get pregnant there's an event that 'will be affected'.

Life's messy - crack on with what's most important to you and everything else will sort itself out. Good luck.

Fridgedooropen · 06/10/2015 17:45

LemonPie seriously? I can't believe anyone would think they'd get to dictate that kind of thing to anyone else. And how on earth would a bridesmaid being pregnant spoil photos? You'd have to ban all pregnant/overweight guests with that logic. Glad she's rethought it.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 06/10/2015 17:48

The last time I was a bridesmaid the bride specifically said "No getting pregnant now!" and it did irritate me. We weren't TTC at the time, but both myself and the other bridesmaids were in ltr and accidents can happen. Honestly though, after I saw the dress I was supposed to wear I was tempted to get preg to get out of it!
It probably is worth mentioning it. You don't have to get into exact dates, but I don't think you should have to put off starting a family.
Actually, one of the other bridesmaids at the wedding I mentioned went from shoulder length to cropped hair the week before the wedding. Bride was not best pleased!

HackerFucker22 · 06/10/2015 17:49

You never know what is going to happen so ttc as planned and then mention resizing after your 12 week scan (or whenever you decide to tell people). No one needs to know you are ttc?

Pseudo341 · 06/10/2015 17:49

Don't plan your family around someone else's wedding. I was a pregnant bridesmaid. When my friend first asked me I told her I was TTC and I then told her as soon as I was pregnant and she quietly told the friend who was making the dresses so she'd leave mine till the last minute. I didn't tell anyone else about TTC or pregnancy until past 3 months but in the circumstances it was important to make an exception. If she's a close enough friend to be a bridesmaid for then she's a close enough friend to let her know your secret.

I'm astonished anyone would ask someone not to be pregnant to be a bridesmaid, how ridiculous. If your friends matter to you then having them be a part of your big day should be more important than not wanting someone to be obviously pregnant in your wedding photos.

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