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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To try to get pregnant even though I'm bridesmaid?

79 replies

ThePartyArtist · 06/10/2015 17:16

I've been invited by my best friend to be bridesmaid, along with several other girls. We've been friends since school and I am really over the moon to be asked. The wedding is August 2016. DP and I have been thinking of starting trying for a baby around December / January which could mean being very very near the due date at the time of the wedding. I know there are no guarantees we'll get pregnant when we try so don't want to put it off for the sake of a wedding. But is it better to wait until after her wedding to try? Or start trying later so I'd be further from my due date at the time of the wedding?

OP posts:

AyeAmarok · 06/10/2015 17:52

I can't understand why anyone would consider waiting to TTC in order to go to someone else's wedding!

Seriously, that is so bizarre

I could understand if it was your own wedding, but someone else's!?

Defenderwife · 06/10/2015 17:52

Never wait to ttc. But, I would turn down being bridesmaid. Even if you were only a few months pregnant you might be super sick tires etc so not a very good bridesmaid.

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 06/10/2015 17:56

God just get on with ttc. Address anything else if you get pregnant.

MascaraAndConverse · 06/10/2015 17:57

Don't wait. Don't run it by her as that is basically asking for her permission. Don't be apologetic if you fall pregnant.

Your life doesn't revolve around someone else's wedding/life.

whois · 06/10/2015 17:57

You would NOT be unreasonable to get pg just cos you are a bridesmaid!

squoosh · 06/10/2015 17:57

It would be unreasonable to try and get pregnant when you were an actual bridesmaid. As in at the altar.

Not unreasonable to try and get pregnant because you're planning to be a bridesmaid in a year's time! It's called 'life'.

PurpleDaisies · 06/10/2015 17:57

If the op turns it down because she hopes to be pregnant and then doesn't get pregnant she'll feel rubbish at the wedding and she'll have upset her friend for nothing. Much better to deal with being a pregnant bridesmaid when she is a pregnant bridesmaid. What do bridesmaids really do anyway? If her friend wants her as a briefs aid presumably it is because they are good friends rather than be wise she'll be a great servant on the day.

PurpleDaisies · 06/10/2015 17:58

Apologies for the comedy typo-I meant bridesmaid not briefs aid!

squoosh · 06/10/2015 17:58

Pregnancy will not get in the way of your ability to wear a nice frock.

SecretWineBox · 06/10/2015 17:59

What??

Ok, so if you're pregnant on the day, the dress gets altered. So what?

What on earth is wrong with having a pregnant bridesmaid? Surely that would be a good omen for the wedding - new life and fruitfulness etc.

Weddings really do send people mad.

Booyaka · 06/10/2015 18:02

Don't wait. There's no guarantee it will happen straight away and even if it does you can work around it. If you need to resize the dress it would be nice if you offered to pay though.

mateysmum · 06/10/2015 18:03

This wedding is one day in somebody else's life. Your child is forever. Do not plan your life around the wedding no matter how good a friend she is. Also, I would not tell her you are TTC. If she says she doesn't want you to and then you do get pregnant that could cause issues. If you do conceive then if she is a true friend, she should be nothing other than delighted and willing to accomodate your bump.

MissBattleaxe · 06/10/2015 18:03

Just get on with TTC. It could take years. A bride has no power over conception dates and due dates. Just because a man proposed doesn't make his fiancee Queen of everything.

I had planned a 19 month age gap between my two and it ended up taking well over three years. You just never know.

TTC is your business and between you and your DP only. Nobody else needs to know until you have news that you feel like sharing. It can put pressure on both of you otherwise.

Good luck!

gerbo · 06/10/2015 18:09

I've been a very heavily pregnant bridesmaid twice, for my sister (at 38 weeks) and my best friend. It wasn't a problem either time, apart from being tired out and needing to sleep by 11pm! How would this be a major problem?? I had larger sizes in the chosen dresses and then had slight alterations made. Looked fine both times. Seems to me daft to delay starting your family for a wedding....that's far more important! Good luck!

Starkswillriseagain · 06/10/2015 18:12

TTC sooner then later, it could take a while. If you do get pregnant, you could always ask if she still wants you to be a bridesmaid. You may not even want to be one if you get pregnant really quickly.

LemonPied · 06/10/2015 18:16

fridgedoor no joke, she's normally a lovely person but I think the wedding just went to her head and her head up her arse a bit momentarily.

Binxboosandme · 06/10/2015 18:27

I knew a bridezilla who insisted that none of her bridesmaids get pregnant because she didn't want their 'big bumps taking all the attention from me in the photos'. She's also due to be a bridesmaid in august 2016 and is planning on ttc soon so will possibly be a pregnant bridesmaid herself. Oh the hypocrisy.
Personally I couldn't care less as long as everyone I loved was happy and there to celebrate with me.
Most normal, levelheaded people would be over the moon for you, a little heads up would be polite however if it will impact on duties/dress etc. But definitely don't put your plans on hold.

3littlebadgers · 06/10/2015 18:37

I have been a bridesmaid, maid of honour and I have had babies. They were all special moments but my babies beat everything else hands down. Please don't put off ttc. Pregnant women are beautiful and you will not spoil the day for her if she truly is a good friend. It might take a while to fall pregnant, and sadly many of us suffer losses. The road to holding your precious baby may be a long one (I'm hoping it will be swift and happy for you) and if you wait you may regret it. I can promise you you will never regret having a child.

c4kedout · 06/10/2015 18:42

I wouldn't even think of delaying TTC or asking. nothing to do with her. And even if you were heavily pregnant on the wedding... so what! I really do not get this wedding/bridesmaid fuzz

Nanny0gg · 06/10/2015 18:48

Why don't you just turn it down?

Then if you're just a guest, whatever stage you might be in your pregnancy won't impact her arrangements.

GreenPetal94 · 06/10/2015 18:54

Don't wait. Once you are over 12 weeks pregnant then tell your friend. Unless you are feeling really rotten you could be both a bridesmaid and pregnant.

herecomesthsun · 06/10/2015 19:15

I think I wouldn't exactly ask permission but if the convenient moment arose I might let slip with ooh what a lovely piccy, it makes me feel so broody, can't wait to have a little one, aren't babies lovely or something to that effect...then I guess it wouldn't be a surprise if you had a bump a few months later.

susielovessocks · 06/10/2015 19:58

Worst case scenario, someone else wears the bridesmaid dress, you wear a maternity dress. The bride would have at least 6 months to come up with a change of plan if necessary.

TSSDNCOP · 06/10/2015 20:11

Depends on when she's planning to dress shop and how much the dresses cost.

Having worked in a shop that is Destination 1 for bridesmaid dresses that routinely cost £175 upward, I have lost count of the number of times I've been asked to refund a dress bought a year earlier and now in sale because of a pregnant BM.

I'm with the others saying don't put your life on hold. But equally a bit of openness on plans will avoid this face instead of this face if your plans come good.

LaceyLee · 06/10/2015 20:17

Sorry but I think it's ridiculous that people are saying you need to notify the bride or somehow ask for permission! I don't see how it would be a problem if you were heavily pregnant. If one of my bridesmaids had been I wouldn't have cared, pregnancy doesn't make you less of a friend nor does it make you look bad in photos in my opinion.
If you want to ttc just do it. And don't tell anyone, unless you want to but please not because of being a bridesmaid. I had two miscarriages before conceiving my dd even though we can conceive easily we still took time to actually have our beautiful dd.

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