Thanking people (wet tunnel scenario)

[squidzin]

Hello.
I often enjoy an afternoon walk with my baby in pram. Sometimes we get to a rail bridge / tunnel bit, quite low and thin, about 10 metres long.

We've had a lot of rain, so today there was a huge muddy puddle with only a slim stretch of gravel path to the side to go along unless you want to walk through muddy water.

So today, I was about half way through the tunnel walking through with pram along skinny bit, and this bloke appears at the other end, who sees me, so waits before coming through.

I prefer to avoid eye contact at all costs and tbh was more worried about my pram tipping than anything so trundled along out of the tunnel.

I hear this tutch and "SAY THANKYOU"... I just looked back and gave a confused look to this bloke who was I presume just avoiding getting his feet wet. It certainly was not a "give way" situation. Just self interest.

Anyway it got me thinking, sometimes I dont always thank people who stop driving at the zebra crossing if I am already walking across because basically they legally have to if they want to avoid running someone over, but I have seen other ppl do this.

I do always thank eg shop assistants for giving change back though, and waiters etc, and am not like a generally rude person.

Anyway, would YOU have automatically thanked the man on the other side of the tunnel? Would you have shouted at someone for not thanking if it were you?

I think he was a bit out of order tbh.

Pretty much unanimous YBWU.

And yep I agree.

Where I work, it's chicaned all down the road, e,very 30m roughly, I'm yet to figure out who has right of way, but I always say thank you, and everyone always says thank you bakc.

OP - what's with the 'avoiding eye contact' thing? What do you think is going to happen if you meet someone's eye? You often hear people on here saying they 'avoid confrontation' in situations where there really isn't any confrontation at all, just confidence or assertiveness. But sometimes shyness can be interpreted as rudeness, and I think this is one of those situations.

FWIW, yes, I would have thanked him, but his passive-aggressive muttering was rude as well. I sometimes wave to acknowledge drivers who stop for zebra crossings, but not always, depending if I've got my hands full and if they've accelerated towards the crossing, causing me to do the rabbit-in-the-headlights freeze.

Okay OP follow these steps:

1. Get a new pram that functions properly so you are not focussing all your concentration of ensuring it doesnt tip over

2. Learn some basic manners (YABU)

3. Get some life coaching or similar to give you enough confindence to look people in the eye.

4. Write a how-to guide on making interesting sounding thread titles for less than interesting threads.

Of course I would have said "thank you". No, maybe it's not a give way situation, and maybe it was just self-interest, but he did wait for you and that was partly to avoid getting his own feet wet, but also just basic politeness.

So what is a car is legally obliged to stop when you are already on a zebra crossing. They still stop and are mildly inconvenienced by you.

These are just little things which help towards the smooth-running of people's days. You nod your thanks and the driver feels good. You give a smile and a thank you and the person feels a smidgin happier.

They are sometimes called 'strokes'. They cost you nothing at all, nothing, and make a difference to the person you're 'stroking'.

I think you are probably nicer than you seem to be from this post. You sound selfish and self-absorbed and lacking in empathy, which I'm sure you're not really.

I thank people who stop at zebra crossings .

I also thank cash point machines

I'd have said thank you and I don't understand why you didn't really. Costs nothing.

Always say thank you at zebra crossings and when drivers let me through in the car too and am training my children to do the same. Life is just more pleasant when people are nice to each other.

I'd keep my head down and say "cheers".

Not that you've come back to the thread at all....but yes of course I would have thanked him.

lol. Thank you everyone for your insights!
Yeah, I shall endeavour to be more aware of people around, in day to day situations.

Well done on coming back Squidzin.

You were definitely rude. If I hold a door for someone and they don't say thank you I always call after them and say "thank you". It costs nothing to be polite.

Ywbu but for what it is worth, judgy pant hoiking passive agressive 'you're welcome' people are also being very rude. I generally always say thank you, wave at complete strangers when on zebra crossings etc. I would never tell someone else off because they hadn't.

If someone hasn't said thank you then consider 1. Could you just not have heard them- I don't have the loudest voice in the world and very occasionally people don't hear me. 2. Consider whether there might just possibly be something else going on in their life which makes niceties fade out of perspective - e.g. maybe someone has died/very ill and the person is pre occuppied with their own thoughts. 3. They might be like the OP and find social interaction of this sort uncomfortable and you have just jumped on them and made them feel even worse about themselves. So next time you feel like passing comment do it in your mind, don't be passive aggressive, it doesn't help anyone.

op more.aware?? You were aware but chose not to thank!

What do mean by being more aware? Surely you were aware of what he had done?

YABU, but you already know that.

However, what's with this "avoiding eye contact at all costs"? What's that all about then?

I always smile and say thank you to people if they hold a door open or let me past. If I'm stood holding on to the door with one hand and my bright, purple crutches with the other and people don't thank me, they get a 'you're welcome'!

You were ignorant, should've said thanks, it's not difficult to be pleasant.

Avoiding eye contact is something I do due to anxiety. I always thank people though.

I do often say thank you in these types of scenarios, but not always eg if I wouldn't expect to be thanked myself, in reverse.

To just always say thanks, regardless is probably a better way to be.

Just another one adding in that YWBU.

I would have definitely said thanks in that scenario. To actually say nothing would have taken more mind power than to say 'thank you'.

I also say thanks/gesture thanks at a zebra crossing. Legal or otherwise, I still think it's polite to do so and I do wonder why people don't do it, when I'm the driver. It takes a half second.

Rather than being more aware, it may be worth being more polite.

My previously muttered 'you are welcome' to an absent 'thank-you' is getting louder and louder as I near 60. Honestly, manners cost nothing. I could get very grumpy about ungraciousness.

Surely saying thank you is a simple, normal thing to do? Why would you even give headspace to working out whether the other person has a right to expect a thank you, or to decide whether their motives were thank-worthy enough to justify saying it?

It's not like there is a limited supply of 'thank yous' in the world. Someone does something that improves your life - just say thank you. Everyone's happy. It doesn't have to be some big, internal negotiation.

I seem to spend my life pulling into passing places for people who sail past with their eyes averted, or holding doors for people who clearly think I have nothing better to do with my time. I generally respond with a pointed 'you're welcome.' They usually look puzzled, as though it never actually occurred to them that being polite is a two-way thing.

It takes a fraction of a second and makes life that little bit more pleasant. Why would you ever actively choose not to say it?

Also, in this specific scenario, a lot of cyclists might have just cycled through slowly, taking a punt on it not being deep enough to get their feet wet. This might lead to the pedestrian being splashed.

So he might not have been waiting for the dry bit at all - he might have been being extra-considerate.