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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Thanking people (wet tunnel scenario)

131 replies

squidzin · 06/10/2015 15:07

Hello.
I often enjoy an afternoon walk with my baby in pram. Sometimes we get to a rail bridge / tunnel bit, quite low and thin, about 10 metres long.

We've had a lot of rain, so today there was a huge muddy puddle with only a slim stretch of gravel path to the side to go along unless you want to walk through muddy water.

So today, I was about half way through the tunnel walking through with pram along skinny bit, and this bloke appears at the other end, who sees me, so waits before coming through.

I prefer to avoid eye contact at all costs and tbh was more worried about my pram tipping than anything so trundled along out of the tunnel.

I hear this tutch and "SAY THANKYOU"... I just looked back and gave a confused look to this bloke who was I presume just avoiding getting his feet wet. It certainly was not a "give way" situation. Just self interest.

Anyway it got me thinking, sometimes I dont always thank people who stop driving at the zebra crossing if I am already walking across because basically they legally have to if they want to avoid running someone over, but I have seen other ppl do this.

I do always thank eg shop assistants for giving change back though, and waiters etc, and am not like a generally rude person.

Anyway, would YOU have automatically thanked the man on the other side of the tunnel? Would you have shouted at someone for not thanking if it were you?

I think he was a bit out of order tbh.

OP posts:

AMonsterInParis · 06/10/2015 15:51

Ywbvu. Makes me so mad when people can't say a simple thank you. I would have felt the same in his shoes. Next time use your manners and say thank you.

Pootles2010 · 06/10/2015 15:51

Yes of course should have thanked him - not at all like a zebra. I agree with you re zebras, and get annoyed with drivers expecting a thank you!

I also expected a wet tunnel of a different variety

jevoudrais · 06/10/2015 15:52

I would have said thank you, or looked up and smiled if on the phone etc.

I say thank you to people who give way to me at a bridge on the way home. They are meant to give way, it is my right of way, but not everyone does give way as they are meant to. So I say thanks, I appreciate you doing as you're meant to. If a waiter brings me the bill I say thanks, that is part of the job, but I still say it

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 06/10/2015 15:54

good grief, no one is expecting you to engage in massive conversations with strangers at all opportunities...get over yourself with this nonsense not making eye contact, just look up, smile and nod a simple acknowledgement

I would think you were rude.

kali110 · 06/10/2015 15:54

I'd have said thankyou.
I always gesture thankyou at zebra crossing too as sometimes people don't stop.
I was always bought up that this was just a nice polite thing to do.
It only takes me a second.
People not saying thankyou when i've opened or held open a door annoys me too!!

Floggingmolly · 06/10/2015 15:54

Why did you have to concentrate so hard on your pram not tipping over? Has it ever tipped over before?

Gruntfuttock · 06/10/2015 15:55

"the zebra crossing thing is different, because as you say, they legally have to let you past. but someone waiting to let you past, who didn't have to? I think it's polite to acknowledge it with a thank you - no eye contact needed."

Re. the zebra crossing, I'm always the pedestrian in this scenario as I don't drive, but I always smile and mouth "thank you" to drivers, because even though they HAD to stop for me to cross, I realise this is an (albeit mild) inconvenience for them and it doesn't hurt to say 'thank you' as an acknowledgement. That way they might feel a bit better than if I hadn't. Like I said earlier, I'd rather be too nice than not nice enough and it costs me nothing, so why not?

NKFell · 06/10/2015 15:56

I was lured in by "wet tunnel" curiosity.

YWBU! It doesn't cost anything to say thank you. If it was me, I'd have thought you were rude.

Hellochicken · 06/10/2015 15:58

I did also wonder what wet tunnel scenario was!
But I'd have thanked him, I say hello/ good morning/ smile all the time too.
Also I say sorry when I haven't done anything wrong, but I'm 35 now and come to terms with this being how I am!

Toooldtobearsed · 06/10/2015 16:00

I am usually a shrinking violet, but have managed to embarrass all DS's and DH with situations like this.

Hold open a door for people and see several,stream through without so much as a smile? They have a loud 'Thank you, you're welcome' ringing in their ears.

Drive past me without acknowledging that although it was my right of way, I was considerate and let you continue your journey uninterrupted? Window down and 'You're welcome' will accompany you.

I HATE non manners. It costs nothing to be pleasant.

Yes OP, a quick 'thank you' would have been appropriate. Don't lose any sleep over it though, the chances of you encountering this man again are slim, if you really don't want to make eye contact, just a quick 'thanks' fits the bill

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 06/10/2015 16:00

I'd have mumbled thanks but certainly wouldn't have shouted at anyone who didn't.

HesterShaw · 06/10/2015 16:01

Clicked on this purely to find out what a "wet tunnel scenario" was.

I would have said thank you, and if I had been the chap in question I would have said something like "You're welcome" if someone just walked on past without acknowledging that I had waited for them. He DID do you a favour, because he could have waltzed on down the tunnel expecting you to get into the water to give way to him, and he didn't. Avoiding eye contact is a bit mannerless as well, I'm afraid. A smile can go a long way.

Manners to strangers just make the world a nicer place, when it can be a pretty horrid and aggressive one.

Janeymoo50 · 06/10/2015 16:02

Goodness yes, a thanks was needed or even just a nice smile and a nod.

BrandNewAndImproved · 06/10/2015 16:03

I would of thanked him. The same way I thank people that give way to me even when it's my right of way driving.

grassisgreenersometimes · 06/10/2015 16:03

YABU I would have said thank you. I do admit to tutting though when I hold open doors for people or let a car into my queue of traffic and they dont acknowledge it.

It's how I was bought up to be and have instilled the same into my DC. The words thank you go a long way.

Queenbean · 06/10/2015 16:05

I would have said thank you

Also, I'd have done that awkward very British fast walk / half run thing that shows the other person that you're going as fast as you can and really appreciate them standing there (but in reality gets you there only about a milli-second sooner)

hullabullalls · 06/10/2015 16:05

I would have thought that he was deliberately avoiding appearing threatening in a tunnel.

Gruntfuttock · 06/10/2015 16:06

Toooldtobearsed "Hold open a door for people and see several,stream through without so much as a smile? They have a loud 'Thank you, you're welcome' ringing in their ears."

Me too, although on one occasion the two women I said this to, turned round, came back and both screamed obscenities at me! Lovely women.

PickleSarnie · 06/10/2015 16:09

I would have muttered "You're welcome" under my breath. Although I appreciate that wouldn't have made me the bigger person or anything.

It really fecks me off when I'm stood there like a prat holding doors open or moving to one side and waiting to pass and a stream of people walk past without even acknowledging my existence.

MrsMook · 06/10/2015 16:12

I'd have thanked him too. He could have inconvenienced you by going in.

There's a lot of chicane traffic calming near me, and I'll thank those who pull up, even when it's my right of way, especially when it was borderline for them having time to pass. It's better to spread more thanks and good will than not.

I tend to save sarcasm for the car, but I did once drop an audible sarcastic thank you to the man who shut a fire door on me without looking to see if it was clear. I was very visibly pregnant, carrying a large swimming bag and stroppy toddler, and panting from huffing my limping body up the stairs. He must have heard it because he was considerably more careful on the second door.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 06/10/2015 16:12

I would have muttered "You're welcome" under my breath. Although I appreciate that wouldn't have made me the bigger person or anything.

This, but I would have said it loudly, in a sing song sarcastic voice so they really heard it.
I'm 6' so I'm nearly always the bigger person.

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 06/10/2015 16:13

I would of said thank you, he could of tried to squeeze past you he didn't have to wait.

As for zebra crossings I always give the wave as a thanks even DS 4 does so much so he even does it at traffic light crossings.

AskingForAPal · 06/10/2015 16:19

I quite frequently end up snapping "Don't thank me, it's fine!" in a fake happy voice.

Usually when I have stood back to let a succession of people through or held a door and they have completely ignored me or - worse - done that thing where they glare at you like you're a complete weirdo for standing at the side of the road or wasting your time holding a door. What is that about?!

YABU - is there a reason you can't get over yourself enough to utter one word or even smile? What's wrong with eye contact?

MrsMook · 06/10/2015 16:19

As I often have my hands full with pram or keeping small children alive, a nod and smile is a suitably appreciative gesture when an audible thanks or wave aren't practical.

OnlyLovers · 06/10/2015 16:19

Also, I'd have done that awkward very British fast walk / half run thing that shows the other person that you're going as fast as you can and really appreciate them standing there

Yes, me too.

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