AIBU about FIL keeping DS's bday present

[fassbendersmistress]

DS has just turned 3 and we went to see the GPs for a celebration at the weekend. FIL brought everyone to his garage and to much fanfare opened the door to reveal a shiny new bike, all bells and whistles, for DS. DS was beside himself with excitement. He can't ride yet but sat on it ringing bell, honking horn etc...FIL has just one very bumpy/mossy path for cycling. The rest is grass or gravel. He lives in a small village in the sticks and the very small country lanes arent suitable for taking bike on. DS spent rest of day talking about getting his bike home and riding it. He could do this on our street/local park.

Just before we left FIL told DH that the bike was staying at his house and not going home with us. I didn't find this out until just before we left so wasn't given a chance to question this. He was adamant that DS should come back to ride it there. I just think it's ridiculous to spend money on a bike that will sit gathering dust in a garage to be wheeled out once every 8 weeks or so to be pushed up and down a small path. DS will never learn to ride it there as there just isn't the space, so he will get bored quickly. Never mind that there is a confused 3yo now looking for his new bike here!

AIBU to be fuming at FIL over this. I feel it's bit controlling (he has a lot of form for that type of behaviour) and downright mean. I feel like saying to him that next time he buys DS a present that he plans to keep, could he let us know in advance so we can prepare DS for the inevitable disappointment at not getting to 'keep' it? Or should I just let it lie.

(We will obvs buy DS a bike ourselves but he's a bit young and we were planning to wait until spring when the weather was better and he could get out more on it....)

Your FIL is s count but I'm not too impressed with your DH either, how dare he allow this man yo treat his son and wife so appallingly. I've had a lot of MCs and if DH had reacted in the way yours did on receipt of that cutting I would have been beyond upset.

I would be very tempted to go NC.

We had this as a first bike, it's cheap and good for that age. I would buy one if you have the spare cash.
Your poor child!
www.thetoyshop.com/baby-pre-school/walkers-ride-ons/Chicco-Red-Bullet-My-First-Balance-Bicycle/p/452623?gclid=CIatnpaNrMgCFcGe2wod65oC_w

My mother used to give my kids presents to keep at her house. Cunty beyond belief.

OP, your DH needs to take his rose-tinted specs off. Your FIL does NOT mean well, and your DH needs to stand up and protect his child from this nasty behaviour.

Your FIL is just an arsehole.

op do have a dh problem as well as a fil problem. What did your dh say when his df was cruel to his ds?

What a dick.

I would buy your son a bike for home and forget about the bike at FILs.

But I do love the Thank you letter!!

Buy your own bike for your DS and take it with you next time you go to FIL's. Only let your DS ride your bike and let FIL's bike sit unused in the shed.

FIL can poke his bike up his arse

Yeah, that's pretty cuntish behavior.

My parents and FIL buy toys for DD to play with at their house, but they make it clear that these are toys for when she comes to visit and they don't have them as gifts, they're just set up for her to play with while she's there. That's the only time it's acceptable to have house toys. Presents are theirs to keep.

Also, your DH needs to stand up for his son. If doesn't, you'll need to put your foot down and protect DS by not letting him near FIL.

We had this too, MIL bought the kids a super farm set, lovely big wooden one, lots of animals, trees, fences etc....weren't allowed to take it home. She lives over 5 hours away. It's been used about twice and the kids have outgrown it. Totally manipulative on her part to make us visit more. A long story but basically no, she decided to move as far from her grandchildren as possible, a farm set was never going to change our thoughts on that!

Unless you think your FIL deliberately means to "taunt" your DS, I think you're being a bit harsh. Is he thinking that it might encourage you to come round more often / it will be a nice bonding experience teaching his DGS to ride?
I can see why a 3 YO would be disappointed that he can't take it home but can't you reassure him that it will be waiting for him at DGF's whenever he goes round? It's a lovely gift and you seem very ungrateful.

Little have you read the OP's other posts about her FIL? The man is a cunt.

little it's a nasty thing to do to a young child, to give him his birthday gift which he can't enjoy and take home. He us too young to understand the dynamics of it. It us used to control and manipulate. Yes mabey he does want to use it to make op and dh visit often, but it's mean to do That to a little child. Op buy your ds a nice bike p, weather is still good, he can use it.

I would be very tempted to take out a full page ad in his local newspaper advertising a bike for sale. Description along the lines of- unused as bought for 3yr old grandson who lives x miles away for a gift. As I refused to actually allow dgc to take it home and use it it has served its purpose of making me the best present unveiled and shows my friends what an awesome person I am for making a 3yr old cry.
Then add phone number.

But I'm a bitch.

littleonesaid it is a lovely present and I'm not ungrateful. I just don't think it was given in the spirit that a birthday present should. ive decided for Xmas I'll get him a really good book he wants, only I will take it right back off him when he's finished having a look/has read the intro....and will tell him it will be living on my bookshelf and he can read a few pages every time he comes to visit.

It's a lovely gift and you seem very ungrateful

It may be a lovely bike but its not a GIFT if you don't actually GIVE it. What is there to be grateful for? He didn't actually give the child a present, he just showed him a bike, which he kept.

If I "gave" you a lovely box of chocolates for your birthday, but told you I was going to lock them away and you could have one every two months, would you be grateful for your "present"?

Poor little sausage

Give him a big MN-collective hug!

What a sad little fucking man your Fil is.

I agree that you should buy DS another bike. Don't even mention the one in the garage, just buy it and give it To him, or could you take him To choose one?

I would also love To use littledrummergirl's idea

Hmmmmm - so are FIL and MIL divorced? Is there animosity? (Please let there be animosity!)

Ask MIL if she could chip in a couple of pounds towards a bike. Buy bike. Take photo of ds on bike with MIL looking proudly in the background.

Put on Facebook tagging MIL "ds with his lovely new bike - thanks grandma!"

And perhaps a family photo round up that you send out.

Ooohh - and thank you cards.

Don't suppose you do an Xmas round robin.......

Whenever you visit FIL take aforementioned bike with you (even if it fills the boot and means you have to wear the same pants for 3 days. Explain that ds is used to his bike now so you prefer for him to ride it plus it is better.

(God help my do if he ever cheats on me...... )

buy him aftershave at Christmas time, take it off him and tell him he can have a splash of it next time he visits you.

Also, I think it's he's being a bit tight. My parents buy things for their house (usually car boot/charity or cheap stuff), but he always gets to take presents home.

Mumoftwoyoungkids you are an evil genius!!!!!!
I shall make sure never to upset you.
It's all about him being seen to have "given" the bike rather than wanting his grandson to have the bike, very sad.
I'd probably get a bike for the boy myself and limit visits to FIL, and absolutely try to avoid any further situations where "gifts" can be given and then withheld, as it's potentially upsetting for a child till they get older and get wise to it.

Not every 8 weeks, say. Once a quarter? And if you do buy DC a bike, take it with you when you do visit, so that lovely GF's 'present' doesn't get scratched!
MIL lives elsewhere? That says it all. As for Xmas, I'd mean well and invite MIL to stay over, so no spare room for him unfortunately - but you did mean well! And stick to your guns against weakwilly DH!

Do you have keys to FIL's house? I'd just go and take the bike. If the bike was a gift to your son it is now your son't property so he can take it home with him if he wants.

weakwilly