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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about FIL keeping DS's bday present

142 replies

fassbendersmistress · 05/10/2015 17:14

DS has just turned 3 and we went to see the GPs for a celebration at the weekend. FIL brought everyone to his garage and to much fanfare opened the door to reveal a shiny new bike, all bells and whistles, for DS. DS was beside himself with excitement. He can't ride yet but sat on it ringing bell, honking horn etc...FIL has just one very bumpy/mossy path for cycling. The rest is grass or gravel. He lives in a small village in the sticks and the very small country lanes arent suitable for taking bike on. DS spent rest of day talking about getting his bike home and riding it. He could do this on our street/local park.

Just before we left FIL told DH that the bike was staying at his house and not going home with us. I didn't find this out until just before we left so wasn't given a chance to question this. He was adamant that DS should come back to ride it there. I just think it's ridiculous to spend money on a bike that will sit gathering dust in a garage to be wheeled out once every 8 weeks or so to be pushed up and down a small path. DS will never learn to ride it there as there just isn't the space, so he will get bored quickly. Never mind that there is a confused 3yo now looking for his new bike here!

AIBU to be fuming at FIL over this. I feel it's bit controlling (he has a lot of form for that type of behaviour) and downright mean. I feel like saying to him that next time he buys DS a present that he plans to keep, could he let us know in advance so we can prepare DS for the inevitable disappointment at not getting to 'keep' it? Or should I just let it lie.

(We will obvs buy DS a bike ourselves but he's a bit young and we were planning to wait until spring when the weather was better and he could get out more on it....)

OP posts:
lostInTheWash · 05/10/2015 17:49

It's not really possible to keep a present if they present it round your house or it gets posted.

At least that is my experience.

lostInTheWash · 05/10/2015 17:50

Though MIL did one try once - it was easier to circumvent and avoid.

BalloonSlayer · 05/10/2015 17:51

It goes without saying that I'm a complete cow, but I'd be buying a much better bike for DS so that when he does go to FIL's he's not interested in the other one. At. all.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 05/10/2015 17:51

Thats a good idea, make him visit you on their birthdays ...

Aeroflotgirl · 05/10/2015 17:56

YANBU that is mean and spiteful for a young child. I would get him the same bike for home. Good plan regarding christmas, he sounds very passive aggressive.

diddl · 05/10/2015 17:58

Horrible thing to do.

Of course your FIL is entitled to buy what he wants & keep it at his house.

Really nasty to dress it up as a birthday present which one assumes would go home with the bday child.

I can't see the point of treating him the same, he's an adult it wouldn't hurt.

Or he'd say "don't be ridiculous" & take what he was given.

I'd not bother to visit tbh!

ollieplimsoles · 05/10/2015 17:59

Aw your poor ds, what a nasty horrible thing to do!.
How can you 'mean well' by buying an amazing present for a child and them effectively telling them they cant have it!

I would buy ds a way better bike at Christmas, then tell fil to go f**k himself...especially after reading your update about the ADs

Meerka · 05/10/2015 17:59

Buy a better bike like balloon says. Your poor little son must have been so disappointed. Hopefully this will take the sting away to some degree at least

HaydeeofMonteCristo · 05/10/2015 18:03

Sounds awful and yes very controlling. Wants to make sure you have to come and visit i guess.

My DM and pils do have toys for dcs at their houses of course. But not something like that.

My DM did buy DD something for Christmas to keep at hers but it was little fiddly toys not something like a bike. Plus I think it was silly even in this case as DD didn't get to play with them much and now is a bit too old.

aprilanne · 05/10/2015 18:04

tell him to shove his bike where the sun don,t shine .you give a pressie to make a child happy not so you can hang onto it .buy another one even second hand little kids don,t care

diddl · 05/10/2015 18:08

Just noticed that you're intending to get a bike soonish anyway.

Next time your husband says that FIL means well, ask him to clarify!

Lauren15 · 05/10/2015 18:10

Please do what bloodyteenagers suggested!

fulldutypaid · 05/10/2015 18:14

Nasty old goat, yes do what bloodyteenagers said. Plus tell him never to buy your child something again unless he intends to actually "give" it to him.

Lynnm63 · 05/10/2015 18:15

Bloody teenagers that's a brilliant idea.
Im afraid though Id have rung FIL and told him to stick his bike bell first where the sun doesn't shine. I don't know how you managed not to turn the car around to insert it there yourself.
What does your DH say about this. Next year if Fil brings out a present Id ask is this a proper present or have you bought yourself a bike, tea set, Spider-Man outfit etc you arsewipe? You are obviously a nicer person than me though.

Original poster
fassbendersmistress · 05/10/2015 18:29

I think I might have a bit of fun with the thank you letter.

Dear GF,
Thank you for showing me that shiny cool bike you have in your shed. If it were mine, I would take it home, use it lots, learn to ride with daddy in the park and then I would come back and show off to you....but not to worry, Mummy has given me one that is bigger, shinier and has more bells. And the best bit, I get to KEEP it.

OP posts:
Griphook · 05/10/2015 18:37

You need to buy ds a bike tomorrow, even a very cheap one. Take loads of picture then email them to fil. Saying ds loved the present so much we decided to buy him one rather than have him wait 8 weeks between using the one that is stored at yours.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/10/2015 18:39

Great idea fassbenders Grin, silly goat deserved that!

KurriKurri · 05/10/2015 18:42

Your FIL hasn't bought your DS a bike, he has bought himself the experience of unveiling a bike to your DS. Perhaps he plans on doing the unveiling ceremony every time you go round.

I would personally start a FB page for the famous and celebrated bike - updating it's daily activities "Tuesday 6th - sat in garage wishing a little boy would take me for a ride" "Wed 7th sat in garage wishing someone would ring my bell" "Thurs. 8th - tried to tunnel out of the garage but a nasty man has put a lock on me and covered me with a tarpaulin" etc etc Grin

And obviously get your lovely wee boy a better bike and tell FIL to stop being such a controlling old fuck.

willconcern · 05/10/2015 18:51

What would happen if you actually stood up to him, went round & just took the bike? This is what I would do. But you need DH's buy in & assistance. Your FIL is a horrible selfish dick & I wouldn't be able to hold myself back. I feel very Angry on your behalf.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 05/10/2015 18:52

Oh that's awful! It would be different if he already had a bike of his Own and he'd bought one to keep at his house for when you visit . That I could understand. But this is so cruel.

I do understand the novelty value of having different toys available onky at grandparents' house, as I remember playing with old toys at my grandma's house. And my lovely mum had loads of charity shop and second hand toys at her house which all the grandchildren loved playing with. But she still gAve them actual presents to take home!

sweetboysmum · 05/10/2015 19:00

No, FIL behaviour not acceptable. A gift is for the recipient, not for the giving. It's cruel to do this to a child. My in-laws tried this with us. I'm usually laid back but not in this situation - I put them straight and said thanks, he'll love that at home where he can play with it.

Original poster
fassbendersmistress · 05/10/2015 19:51

Next visit [shudders] I will pack it up and put it in the car for home and tell him it's just ridiculous that it's sitting there doing nothing for weeks on end and that the more DS uses it at his house the harder it is for him to leave it behind. If he objects I will make it clear that such presents won't be accepted in future.

OP posts:
PlopTheBarn0wl · 05/10/2015 20:17

Just buy a bike for your DS so the one at FIL's holds no interest. Don't bother with any snide comments, just ensure your DS enjoys his bike more than FIL's.

But if you are feeling petty and you're all on Facebook, you could maybe post some "oh look at DS enjoying his new bike" pictures Wink

Lurkedforever1 · 05/10/2015 20:43

Yanbu. Your fil is a cunt. Is there anything he'd really like so you can do the same to him?

Foffyouwanker · 05/10/2015 20:45

Honestly I would look for another bike, and don't take him back to visit fil. When questioned or asked to visit, reply with, you have to be kidding, you want me to ALLOW fil to treat ds like this? Or sorry, ds is too busy playing on his bike to go visiting!