Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

To discuss period 'leaking' with DD 12

102 replies

grumpysquash · 04/10/2015 23:17

My DD is 12 and has not started her periods, although I suspect it is not far away.

I first discussed periods with her at 8 or 9 and we are quite open about it. Her sanpro for when she needs it is in the drawer with mine.

Recently I've read a few MN posts that have mentioned their DD leaking all over the bed, or into school uniform and generally not managing to cope with the blood.

So, the question is, should I mention leaking at night, and through sanpro into school uniform? I have always had average/light periods and have never leaked at night or into daytime clothes.....but realise that it is a possibility which could be distressing.

Is it a step too far, or would it be good preparation?

Experienced mums, please give your opinion...

OP posts:

wheresthebeach · 05/10/2015 11:20

I had really heavy periods so have mentioned leaking/bed clothes etc to DD already. I don't think it's terrifying at all- not knowing, and not being prepared is terrifying.

I just said 'it happens to us all', we'll wash the blood out of undies or sheets.

Such is life.

Off to look up those Diary Doll pants - sound amazing!

JugglingFromHereToThere · 05/10/2015 11:21

We keep Sanpro (tampons and modern light pads) in a box in the bathroom cupboard that DD and I share. She's like me and quite discreet about her periods (apart from blabbing on here in my case!) Like others I think it's a pity someone is criticised for terms used to discuss periods as it's good to open up discussion on this area of women's lives?
I wouldn't call some staining of knickers or a few spots on the sheet a significant leak. No embarrassment there - just need to put the items in the wash. I do encourage DD to do this where needed.
I think just tell her the basics (as you have done) before they start and then deal with any other additional challenges that come up for her later. If you can keep communication open then all to the good - but you'll be doing better than me as DD is reluctant to discuss. I guess in a way it's OK to have different styles of dealing with it depending on personality types and maybe how challenging or otherwise periods are? Mine have always been pretty well behaved and I think DD's seem similar

tbtc20 · 05/10/2015 11:28

I think if she has a good understanding that it's the lining of her uterus ie NOT just blood like from a wound, then finding lumps and clots etc seems to make a lot of sense.

Also I think just some knowledge that the flow can vary from month to month and from day to day is enough. It's the human body, not an exact science, nothing to be alarmed about.

My german exchange partner leaked onto the bed when she was staying with us. To my now huge embarrassment I did nothing about it. I didn't talk to my own Mum about my periods, so there was no way I felt able to bring it up.

Thank goodness things have changed. I don't have daughters but I was happy when my 16yo DS bellowed from his room "Mum, can I ask you about the menstrual cycle?". Of course, that's the way it should be, but it's not always easy for us who have been brought up with it not being talked about. It was never taboo or shameful, just not discussed at all.

CerseiHeartsJaime4ever · 05/10/2015 11:29

I used to leak almost every month in bed. I'd wake up with a little circle of blood on the sheet where I'd laid on my back. I remembered my Mum's sheets always looking the same though, so wasn't worried.

Since I started buying the longer night time Always, I don't get that (I just get thrush instead )

JugglingFromHereToThere · 10/10/2015 08:26

I'm glad they talk about it slightly more easily these days too tbtc
DS was sent home from school the other day with a stomach ache and feeling sick and DD said if a girl had a tummy ache it would be put down to her period and she'd be told you have however many more years of this - get used to it! Whatever the desirability of this message - or otherwise - I was pleased to hear sister and brother mention periods in an easy way

Defenderwife · 10/10/2015 08:47

I haven't read the whole thread so apologies but please get other pad brands than lillets. Lillets make great tampons but their pads are shit. Get always or bodyform. Get a "normal with wings" a "super with wings" and a night pack. If she is petite you can buy the teen version I think.

Pranmasghost · 10/10/2015 09:05

When I was 11 my aunts and my mum gave me a 'make-up bag' with pads, belt and spare knickers to keep in my satchel. This was 1955 and very enlightened, many of my friends had no idea at all. It was always known as The Curse. I started on my 12th birthday. I was riding my bike to my grandmas house and thought the tummy ache meant I'd be ill and miss my party!

balletgirlmum · 10/10/2015 09:14

If anyone would like to buy a couple of pairs of the smallest size Diary Dolls off me (completely brand new, dd tried them on for size over the top of a leotard & ballet tights) then PM me.

They were too small so I bought the next size up & forgot to send these back.

LucozadeBreath · 10/10/2015 09:25

So great to hear that mums these days are actually talking to their DD's before their period actually arrives! I knew what periods were from friends, but my parents didn't tell me about puberty, sex, or anything that happens to the human body! So at 13, I woke up in the morning and my period had started overnight, I was mortified and ran straight into my sister's room and cried because I didn't want to tell mum!
I would tell your DD what she needs to know, and leave the "leakage" discussion until the need arises. Hopefully just telling her to make sure she changes her pad/tampon during all her break times at school, buying her dark underwear, and make sure she carries enough spare pads and a pair of spare knickers in a make up bag will be enough for leakage not to be an issue

Salemthecat · 10/10/2015 09:31

My mum said to me not long after I'd started not to be embarrassed if I leaked onto the bed or onto my pants or pyjamas and that I was to just tell her and she'd help me sort it. When it happened I felt able to tell her without it being a huge deal and she then showed me how to get blood of clothes. If I have a daughter I'll follow the same protocol.

vdbfamily · 10/10/2015 10:00

I love the period pants idea. John Lewis have them
www.johnlewis.com/diary-doll-period-pants-full-briefs/p1129086

I made sure my daughter knew what to expect and she started about a month ago.Her first period was quite light but she asked to go shopping with me to stock up on all she needed (and spent a fortune on every size and shape of everything!!) I think they chat with their friends about stuff too so pretty much know how the experience varies for everyone. My daughter has a best friend who has a day off school every month with bad cramping. Her mum is an old friend of mine who also always had dreadfully painful periods. Mine were irregular and often light but I have also experienced the leaking many a time, especially nighttimes. I am hoping my daughter has similar to me.
If you are open about these things they will talk to you when they need to.

Fresh01 · 10/10/2015 12:01

When did you all start having more detailed conversations with your daughters about sanitary products? My eldest DD will be 10 early next year and has a very rough idea about periods but I haven't yet taken the conversation to the next stage.

I started my periods the first month I went to high school so the likelihood is she will start 11/12 rather than 14 ish.

noeffingidea · 10/10/2015 12:20

My daughter has special needs so I have to buy her protection for her. I find superdrug ultra with wings (yellow packet) the best for her.
For removing blood stains I find the best thing to do is to wet it with cold water, rub with soap (ordinary bar soap) leave for a while then soak in cold water, then wash normally. I wish I'd thought of that when I had my periods.

noeffingidea · 10/10/2015 12:22

fresh I started when I was 12, which was early then. My daughter didn't start until she was 15, so it doesn't always follow.

nooka · 10/10/2015 18:27

Fresh in my experience there are usually a few precursor signs in the six months or so before. Moodiness that roughly correlates with a monthly cycle, some light cramping that sort of thing.

If you think that she might start in the next year or so or has friends that might start then stocking up the cupboard sooner rather than later seems sensible. They don't go off so they will be ready whether she starts in a year or three years.

dementedpixie · 10/10/2015 18:38

There are normally signs that periods are due in the future e.g. dd had breast buds and pubic hair and started getting spots before hers started. She started age 11 as did I

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 10/10/2015 18:42

Dd has never leaked onto the bed or her uniform. She's occassionally leaked a bit onto her knickers. Ive just reminded her to make sure she changes the pad often enough but reassured her it happens sometimes.

One thing, dd has a washable mattress topper on her bed. Didn't actually buy it for this purpose but I guess if she ever does leak onto the sheet I don't have to worry about the mattress getting stained.

Original poster

grumpysquash · 11/10/2015 01:59

Around 8 or 9 (year 4). That was quite a basic chat, but included the words 'blood' and 'every month'. When she was in year 5, and before they did sex ed at school (which included periods) we went through it in more detail.

I bought a Lillets teens starter pack (not sure if it's actually called that) which has a few pads, some with wings, some tampons (with and without applicator), a panty liner. We sat on her bed and opened the pack, then opened everything to see what it was like (yes, possibly a bit wasteful, but educational). After we'd figured out what sort of towel was for what, and what wings were for, we looked at tampons. I got her to hold one in her clenched hand and we dripped water onto it from the top, so she could feel how they expand, and see how - once they are wet - they are easily 'removable' (we did the other one in my hand, so she could pull on the string - she also 'inserted' it into my clenched hand, so she could figure how the applicator worked).

Not sure if this is too much, but my own mum was so rubbish - I was determined that if I ever had a daughter, she would have knowledge and support.

OP posts:

Doublebubblebubble · 11/10/2015 02:07

As someone who has periods like the shining I do often worry how I'm going to discuss this with my DD (she is 5 - I started my period 1 week before my 13th birthday that birthday was fun!! so I know I have a long wait before I need to do anything) I always leaked. Luckily never at school but often at home. It wasn't me forgetting it was just the amount of blood was/is unmanageable. I would hate for my DD to have to deal with any embarrassment. Glad I've found this thread. Also, I like sanpro - I've never heard of pads/tampons being referred to like that... Think I might start to call it that though..

Purplepoodle · 11/10/2015 15:06

Bucket with lid or small container with lid is very handy for soiled undies (and no embarrassment factor). Let's u soak them in cold water before washing - usually add a bit of salt to the water.

At school I used to have a small zip bag with sanpro, small packet wipes, spare pair knickers and another small zip bag for soiled undies. But I used to have very heavy periods. Always good to remind not to flush towels

nooka · 11/10/2015 17:48

My mum made me wear bloomer type knickers when I had my period (the ones we used to have to wear for PE) and we had the bucket with salt water in the bathroom. I absolutely hated it, it was disgusting and smelly and made me feel really ashamed about leaking, which I did almost every time (big pants are crap at keeping old fashioned rubbishy pads in position).

I told my dd that leaks were no big deal, that the washing machine would get most stains out and if not pants are cheap and can be thrown away.

mathanxiety · 11/10/2015 19:59

I buy packets of cheap knickers and keep them in the bathroom cupboard for anyone who needs them. I treat them as disposable. The DDs can keep them in their backpacks or lockers, and throw away any they think they wouldn't want to wear again.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 11/10/2015 20:01

It's good to see progress over the generations isn't it nooka
I remember those PE bloomers !
Better products available these days too

madein1995 · 11/10/2015 20:11

I wouldn't make it into a big deal,but do suggest she wears dark (not white) knickers when on. I'm a heavy bleeder and I wear 2 knickers and 2 pads to bed at night, perhaps that's something to consider? Also make sure she knows to soak stained undies in salt and cold water to get the stain out.

asilverraindrop · 11/10/2015 21:53

i was also let down by school sex ed. We drew these diagrams of cross sections of a uterus with big strips coming down through the vagina during a period, coloured in with red crayon. Therefore, I was expecting to pass lumps rather like fillet steak when the time came. My first period was actually just a little bit of brown discharge which I actually mistook for a poo stain and therefore ignored. My mother had to tell me what it was when she found my pants in the laundry basket, so all the preparation both she and the school had attempted actually turned out not to help much when the time came. I'm now the other side of periods, and my DDs have both been having them for ages. I think they coped with it pretty well - they'd both seen me dealing with them for ever, because our old bathroom didn't have a lock, so maybe that helped. Period pants designed for the purpose, rather than just the old nasty ones one no longer wears otherwise, sounds like a great idea!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread