To discuss period 'leaking' with DD 12

[grumpysquash]

My DD is 12 and has not started her periods, although I suspect it is not far away.

I first discussed periods with her at 8 or 9 and we are quite open about it. Her sanpro for when she needs it is in the drawer with mine.

Recently I've read a few MN posts that have mentioned their DD leaking all over the bed, or into school uniform and generally not managing to cope with the blood.

So, the question is, should I mention leaking at night, and through sanpro into school uniform? I have always had average/light periods and have never leaked at night or into daytime clothes.....but realise that it is a possibility which could be distressing.

Is it a step too far, or would it be good preparation?

Experienced mums, please give your opinion...

I clearly messed up with my explanations to my DD. Her first period lasted 10 days. She had been expecting it and was not too phased by it but I realised when it finished that she thought you just had one period and that was that, done for life Poor love. I still feel bad about it, all my careful preparation over a few years, talking to her, giving her books about it, knowing she'd had the "sex talks" at school, making sure she had a little bag with everything she'd need in it with her all the time.. But somehow missed the bit telling her it would be a fairly regularly occurrence for the next 40 odd years..

Warn her that the blood might be brown. My abiding memory of starting my periods is that although my mum had prepared me well, I was expecting bright red blood. I told my mum that there was brown stuff in my pants and she assumed I think that it was only a little bit and that it was discharge, so she told me it probably meant my period would start in the next few days. I went a whole day and night with no pad on because I didn't think it was my period even though it clearly was! Those knickers were definitely thrown away ...

Diary doll pants were the way forward for my dd, can't recommend them enough!

Also as someone says up thread periods are hereditary if your periods are heavy it's unlikely that the cute lilet teen pack will be any use lesson I learned with dd

I am just open and quite blunt with dd about periods and most things as that's the best way to get through to her every child is different though!

I really would advise against this. She will no doubt worry about it tremendously before she starts.

My mum bought me a book about starting your period when I was about 6. It had stories from girls about how they'd started. One girl recounted how she started in the swimming pool. Well, that totally ruined swimming for me from that day forward until the day I actually did start aged 14. 8 YEARS OF TERROR! Constantly looking down "just in case".

If you mention leaking, it could produce the same effect. If and when that happens, she will learn to deal with it.

It's probably as well to wait until she starts.

I used to have occasional leaks overnight until I used tampons.

Maybe pads with wings would have helped?

Sometimes when I first got up in the morning the blood had sort of pooled & would all run out.

I would have to hold the pad against me & run to the loo!

Make sure she knows that she can talk to you about anything & show you anything!

I remember calls of "Mum, come & have a look at this-is it normal?"

I don't understand people who have no stains to deal with! I have really light periods but still have underwear and sheets to deal with. Actually it being light is part of the problem I think as too light to need a tampon and I don't really get on with towels. Nothing to my knowledge has ever bled through to outer clothes though. Yet!

Oh, other than withdrawal bleed after they took the coil out. All over the pale beige sofa.

My mum showed me how to get stains out with salt and cold water as I did my own washing anyway and wouldn't have wanted her to do that even at 11. But she definitely said it wasn't an issue and if anything was that trashed we'd bin it!

Those Diary Doll pants look great, plus maybe some dark PJs if she has younger siblings who might see her on the way to the bathroom in the morning.

Oh and let her use tanpons if she wants to. My mum said I was too young for about a year which made night times much worse as I'd find gravity plus a fairly short pad meant the blood bypassed the pad altogether. But I think I saw that they've improved the design anyway.

I think it's wonderful how prepared so many of your DDs are and how you've gone about helping them understand.
Please do explain it OP.
My dad had to explain periods to me, he bought me my first sanitary towels when I started unexpectedly aged 9. My mum was always one of those practical people who just gets on with stuff and doesn't give much of a hoot- didn't talk to her about it in any way until I was 14, on holiday and wanted to swim. She then shoved a box of tampons at me and told me to crack on
I used to leak on the sheets and used to think I was dead clever bundling them into the washing machine so nobody would notice.. Reminds me of when you have a child ashamed of wetting the bed.
Luckily I was aware of leaking during the daytime as one of my friends was sat on her beautiful cream coat during a lesson at school and.. Well you can guess the rest poor girl. She was picked on for weeks by the lads until one of the male teachers told them to grow up and count themselves lucky they didn't have to put up with it- us girls all loved him a little after that!!

I think it's lovely how mums are now with this stuff.. Why did they used to be so rubbish about it? They went through it themselves! Wonder if there was more embarrassment about these things. I would wait to mention the details OP, it'll just make her apprehensive in advance. You sound like a lovely mum

I will be checking out the period pants - I had no idea such thing existed!

My dd has two brothers, so dark PJs also a good idea :)

Thanks for all the comments

My DD started in Y6. She was prepared because it was pretty obvious it was going to happen. We regarded it as a rite of passage and celebrated. She had her ears pierced and we had a special tea with cake, shared with her dad and brother who know such things are as normal for women as voice breaking for men.

I took her out and bought her a pretty wash bag, some wipes, a selection of sanitary towels to buy and a pretty diary to note dates. Explained it was a good idea to have that in her rucksack with spare pants and tights to deal with emergencies.

Also chatted about changing towels regularly. First time the sheets were troubled, she just said, "mum I got blood on my sheets does it matter". No of course not darling, I'll have in sorted in two minutes.

Periods are normal, managing them is normal - all women do it.

She normally tells me when her period comes, she's 16 now and has her favourite protection and I top it up.

My mum was much the same.

It's interesting that I've assumed for most of my adult life that my periods are typical of most. I had no idea that some women get lots of clots.

Can teenagers take ibuprofen? I find that paracetamol doesn't touch my period pain, but ibuprofen completely fixes it and lightens my flow.

My DD takes ibuprofen. Her period pain has got worse as she has got older. Quite heavy too. She is going to see the doc in two weeks. I'll take her andcwaitvin the waiting room

I wouldn't make a big deal about it right now, when she starts have another chat about it.

I get heavy & painful periods, always have. When I was in school I kept a small makeup bag in the bottom of my school bag. Inside it had extra (black) knickers, towels, liners , feminax etc inside.

I find Always Ultra Night with wings are best for a heavy flow. I use them during the day for the first couple of days.

If I was on my period during a sleepover i would take extra thick towels for at night, similar to maternity pads, and put a t-shirt down on the bed before sleeping. Never actually had any accidents at friends houses but I felt the need to be prepared!

Dd has a few pairs of period pants (Diary Doll)
She has had a few flooding incidents, but the pants have kept it all in, so no embarrassment.
I have some too, and use tena night pads at night which hold more than normal pads, so I don't have to sleep on a towel any more.

My mum was terrible with things like this, in fact, she didn't even talk to me about these things, she left it to the school and my older sister. Even now it's like the forbidden conversation and we're grown women!

I wish my mum had been as great as you & I hadn't had to worry about being told off for getting blood on pants or bed sheets . Just knowing you're there to talk to when it does happen will be enough, you can then approach the subject of leaking etc when you know she's definitely at that stage.

Google period pants on Amazon. Loads come up. What a relevation!

DiaryDoll pants are actually amazing, I still have problems with flooding over night (or just being generally paranoid I'm going to in the day :S). They have actually saved my sanity & I so wish I'd had them when I was younger.

Perhaps make her a period starter kit with her pads/tampons, a pair of DiaryDoll and some painkillers? IIRC you get a little bag with DiaryDolls if you buy from their own site (www.diarydoll.com) - could put it in that?

I'm not sure I'd mention it to her in case it terrifies her, but if you think she'd feel better being able to be totally prepared then go for it, any open discussion is better than pretending periods don't exist and you're already on a good track! If you do decide to mention it to her, she would know she was prepared with DiaryDoll's or could wear them just in case she started somewhere far from a loo?

My dd found the lillets towels were a bit small (she is 11) so now I get her normal sized or long ones with with wings and she has had fewer leaks with them.

Pico pretty sure they can - it's only aspirin which is not recommended and even then only up to 12. You can get period pain tablets as well, the name escapes me, but I think they have codeine in them? They didn't work for me (nothing did really) but it might for your DD.

I think periods are only as much of a fuss as you make them. Deal with them matter of factly, but openly, and make sure that any teasing from brothers is nipped in the bud. As RipeningApples says, it's the same as voices breaking or nocturnal emissions good god I'm not looking forward to that with three boys! but teasing does happen.

Ibuprofen is fine for children, aspirin should not be given to under-16s unless specifically instructed by a doctor.

X post with Felicia

Nurofen plus is the best thing for period pain IME.

I got told about 'leaks' in school when I was 11.

Only served to confuse me.

I knew about periods, and by nature of blood being liquid I knew it could get everywhere.

But when 'leaks' were formally talked about, I assumed a 'leak' was a specific thing I may experience, where a big sploosh of blood would spring up from nowhere, like a geyser.

Fucking terrified me, to be honest.

Just reassure her that her mess is ok and not a problem when the time comes.

Also good tip - make sure the bathroom bins have lids.

Nothing wrong with just saying something like 'make sure you use a pad/tampon that's the right size' or something, and about having a spare pair of knickers in her bag. Doesn't have to be a big deal.

My DSD once came down in the morning, aged about 14, and apologised for there being a stain on the bedsheet. I just said no worries, and she burst into tears :( turned out her mum had yelled at her for creating extra washing, every single time it happened (every month for over a year).