To discuss period 'leaking' with DD 12

[grumpysquash]

My DD is 12 and has not started her periods, although I suspect it is not far away.

I first discussed periods with her at 8 or 9 and we are quite open about it. Her sanpro for when she needs it is in the drawer with mine.

Recently I've read a few MN posts that have mentioned their DD leaking all over the bed, or into school uniform and generally not managing to cope with the blood.

So, the question is, should I mention leaking at night, and through sanpro into school uniform? I have always had average/light periods and have never leaked at night or into daytime clothes.....but realise that it is a possibility which could be distressing.

Is it a step too far, or would it be good preparation?

Experienced mums, please give your opinion...

I told my daughter (who hasn't started yet) that sometimes wee accidents happen (to everyone), not that she might flood/anything scary, but not to worry about it. I also warned her that there might be little lumpy bits and that was normal too. I was told nothing about periods and was terrified/had no idea what to do. She's been fine talking about it, not worried at all. Better to know beforehand.

I would warn her gently once her periods start, maybe just anecdotes and how to deal with it.

And what is the collective noun for tampons, mooncups, pads and liners, I would have thought sanpro is fine? Menstrual hygiene products is a bit clunky.

Honestly, I didn't say anything, just panicked a bit!

I started when I was 11 and still in Primary. I was very heavy and had a 2 week period every 2 weeks for about 6 months. As I mentioned up there, my mum didn't really address it so I was hugely embarrassed about it.

We went away for Easter I think, mum packed some towels (she wouldn't let me use tampons) and promised me she wouldn't tell my dad. Which she proceeded to do about ten minutes later in my presence . Thanks mum.

I woke up in the night, got up for a wee and I shit you not, the clot fell out of my knickers onto the floor! It was so gross. I wiped it up and flushed it but actually never told anyone before.

I had large clots until my early twenties, mainly overnight, but never one so massive!

So I guess my advice would be, a) be open and honest; b) don't make a big deal of it but let her know she might feel awful, or feel fine but still bleed a lot; c) keep a small bin in the bathroom; and d) keep her well stocked up. Don't ask, just buy and put in her room or wherever you keep them. That's another thing my mum never did - she relied on me to ask for pads which I was too embarrassed to do. She also refuses (still!) to not have a bin in the bathroom. I hated having to carry round a dirty sanitary towel till I could bin it.

Something that shouldn't have been a big deal, became huge in my mind.

keeptrudging

Hmmm, little lumpy bits, now wondering if I should mention that...

I'm beginning to think that my periods are on the less bad/heavy/etc end of the spectrum, rather than average. I don't think I've experienced a lumpy bit.

Sorry for asking TMI, but if there are lumpy bits, do you feel them come out? How does that work with a tampon?

Yes, I would mention it as a possibility and what to do if it were to happen. You are NOT being unreasonable to think it is a possibility. You are being caring and concerned.

You've gotten some very odd replies on here - I'm afraid that is the penalty for using AIBU!

My dd is not at all scared or phased by periods (yet! not started yet) and we talk fairly openly about stuff.

I can't see this is terrifying stuff at all but if your dd is very sensitive then go easy when you talk. And of course if she were to come on in a situation where it were a bit embarrassing knowing what to do and how to cope with it would be so much better than not knowing. Plus knowing it is not a big issue, most women (under 50) bleed, almost all have at some time and it is all natural and not dirty or weird etc, even if one does have a leek, is very good for young girls.

My way around it is.
Black under wear
Change at least every 3 hours.
X2 dark bedding setting each for me and dd, for during our period
Washing bed sheets and underwear on 300 cycle with plenty of comfort and a touch of washing up liquid which is good for eradicating any stains blood or other wise.

Felicia

Wow! That is quite a bad thing for an 11 yo..... but you sound like you took it in your stride.

We have bins in the bathroom and cloakroom and plenty of supplies in the drawer in the bathroom, so she will be ok for privacy I think.

I realise I'm probably over-stressing, but also think that if I can help it all be OK from the outset, then she won't ever be posting on threads about 'I started my periods and my mum didn't tell me what it would be like....'

Oh no worried grumpysquash I read a thread on here a few years back about celebrating first periods, thought it was funny, told dd about it and she announced that she would actually really like red velvet cake when she had her first period. So that's what we did. I'm afraid the cake itself was a bit disappointing, but fun to make together. She also had her ears pierced that weekend and I think we might have gone ot the cinema too.

Better than my first period, on a sailing holiday with no preparation at all! My big sister did help me out with stuff a bit later, but only after teasing me when I saw her tampon string in the bath ('don't you have one!' she said...)

I have always had heavy horrendously painful periods and I'm so glad my mum told me it was normal. I get some clotting as it is tissue you are shedding and they make the pain worse as you get contractions from your womb trying to expel them.

I have had leaks a few times and had to cope with it a few times. The 3rd time I stayed with dp I was affronted as I leaked in his bed. He was so nice and matter of fact about it I knew he was a keeper.

Dark knickers that are a good fit with nighttime pads are best for dealing with the heavy days. I used to wear small black shorts like shorter cycle shorts under my skirt over my underwear which felt more secure.

Spare pants is a great idea I wish i'd done that at school as one day I had a leak and it dried and made my underwear 'hard', the scalloped edge sliced my leg open like a serrated knife. I still have a scar on the soft fold at top of my leg.

Oh and happy sacks help as well

Felicia - I think we have the same mother! Mine made me use the outside loo so that I didn't get the bathroom "all messy". Not allowed tampons larger than mini "because then you would lose your virginity and be second hand goods". I NEVER had adequate sanpro as a teen - mini tampons or regular towels (never allowed both). It was a revelation when my friend gave me a super sized tampon and I could actually go from morning break to afternoon break without leaking. I used to get told off for leaking, and had to wash my own pants and sheets by hand to get the stains out - couldn't just bung them in the washing machine ("We're not made of money you know.")

My DD had just turned 9 when she started. It was OK initially but then the flooding started and has frankly got worse the older she's got. I would monitor when it happens. She needs to feel comfortable with telling you if the flow is heavier than expected. I was very open with my DD but she still didn't discuss and really it was only through washing sheets and undies that I realised things were a lot worse. She's now 17 and we have multiple products in the house because of it...bless her...it's really awful and I hope it calms down eventually. I have every size of tampon, night towels, day towels, panty liners, everything, always available so that she is covered, literally. I throw knickers away regularly, I just don't mention it or make a fuss and buy new stuff for her as and when. In my experience, both daughter and I, lumpy bits tend to be at the beginning when flow heaviest and no it won't make a difference to a tampon, it copes as long as it's the right size. My DD didn't use tampons until she was 15 and it's nothing to do with virginity (I had ALL of that said to me, it's nonsense). It's a bloody bugger, it really is. You sound like a lovely Mum, just be prepared and definitely talk to her about it. In my day, you had towels with loops on the end that needed safety pins...WTF?! Thank God we've moved on now...!

Oh and sacks...yes get some of those...easier and less embarrassing for school...and a small pack of wet wipes to carry around (travel size baby wipes, no fragrance)...I bloody hate all of this, we all know they have to go through it but we have years of experience and it's just shit when they're starting out...especially when they're still playing with dolls as was the case with my DD

Warn her that sanitary towels aren't flushable You'd think everyone would know that, but for some reason I thought they were and used to merrily flush them away after use. Until just before Christmas the drains blocked up (outside the house so the neighbours got involved too) and a large wodge of the plastic backing was found to be the culprit.
In fairness to my parents, they never said a word to me...

YANBU, Grumpy Squash.

Good to see so many kind, sensible mothers on this thread who have learned from their own mothers' bad example and now do the opposite. Here's what my mother should have done for me instead of being silly and hysterical, and what I will be doing for my DD:

1. A calm warning that periods might be unpredictable for a while, so one should be prepared.

1. Spare undies and skirt/dress in the school bag/locker.

1. A tampon combined with a sanitary pad on those days when you just never know.

1. Mattress protector or towel.

1. Hot water bottle and aspirin for the pain.

1. "Never mind, darling. It is a bloody nuisance, but once you learn to manage it, it's fine."

Fluffyears heavy painful periods are not normal. I really hope you're not suffering unnecessarily

I have endo as does my sister and 3 aunts. I've talked with dd about letting me know if her bleeding is very heavy, very painful, has odd symptoms. But yes black underwear etc is good and good sanpro. Small to medium clots are normal but larger ones need monitoring.

I think we're too complacent in thinking that whatever our experience is we just have to put up with it.

Be open and honest. My mum waited 2 years before asking "whats that white stuff on ur pants" Seriously! I mean I knew but if she didnt why did she wait 2 years of noticing before asking. and then to ask me of all people? Obviously it was dishcharge and nothing bad but if it had been.... I'd probably have been in a grave before she took action.

Do mention clots as it can look scary and if you dont know they happen ..... best not to put her through that panic.

A few weeks ago I came across a youtube channel about periods and I swear it is amazing. The girl herself has been running it since her early teens and it covers everything. I would let my DD watch when older. Its the equivalent of Just Seventeen magazine. Remember that one? Had you sorted for life

almost forgot link sorry. www.youtube.com/channel/UC5jJ_1US1DjRYJF_WU4sQ5w

Good list groovergirl, except substitute ibuprofen for aspirin, aspirin can increase bleeding and isn't a terribly effective painkiller for period pain, ibuprofen is the best over the counter option I've found.

Buy her a book called The Care and Keeping of You, published by American Girl Press.

It covers all of this, handy tips on emergency sanpro (yes, I said it) and all sorts of other practical information.

(And tampons are not flushable either. Get a bathroom bin with a liner and a lid if you don't already have one. This is one thing I wish my mother would have done.)

Honestly, just tell her that periods do all sorts of weird things to your body. If she has any questions, make sure she can talk to you.

I think it might be a good thing now to make sure you set the tone that periods are fine, normal, and nothing to be embarrassed about. Don't get bashful when putting products in the shopping cart or when paying at check out. Be open about talking about your own experiences and "That one weird time... and it all ended up ok in the end".

My periods have always been on the lighter side. 3 days and done. First day is hell with no energy and an upset stomach, the rest are fine.

I think my mom got me some chocolates for my first, gave me some of her light pads, and that was about it. Never had a problem. A few leaks here or there, but that's why you wear dark clothes during that time.

I think if you have heavy flow the is a strong chance of leakage. What i dont understand is why are there no proper period pants in the uk? in Japan they have pants that are made from leak proof material with an extra bit of gusset. they are designed to be worn in hot climates, wonder pants!!! hope you can see the link

www.amazon.co.jp/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?__mk_ja_JP=%E3%82%AB%E3%82%BF%E3%82%AB%E3%83%8A&url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=%E3%83%91%E3%83%B3%E3%83%84%E7%94%9F%E7%90%86&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3A%E3%83%91%E3%83%B3%E3%83%84%E7%94%9F%E7%90%86

Please do discuss it with her.

I started my period at 13 and a few months in I leaked onto a chair at school (only a bit, but still). I was mortified and didn't know what to do so I didn't tell anyone and just left it.

I was never bothered if I leaked at home but that stuck with me, I couldn't stop thinking about it was convinced I'd get into some kind of trouble.

Diary Dolls (v odd name I know) period pants - which are available online from John Lewis - are highly recommended and I will be buying them for dd1 when she starts her periods. How I wish there had been such a thing when I was younger!
m.johnlewis.com/mt/www.johnlewis.com/diary-doll-period-pants-full-briefs/p1129086#page_loaded

Period pants! What a wonderful idea! Thanks ladies!

Those pants are a great idea, might get some for my teenager.

I wouldn't make a big deal about the possibility of leaking but at 12 she does need to be prepared in advance for the practical aspects of dealing with a first period. I wouldn't go overboard on warning about clots etc though as its unlikely that she will have heavy bleeding, clotting etc the first time. If you are open about it you may find that the whole issue is less embarrassing for her than when it was for girls when we were younger, I get the impression that it's not such a taboo subject now - DD seems to think of periods as annoying rather than embarrassing.