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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu about my family and arrangements agreed for looking after dd while I give birth?

94 replies

Littleyellowboo · 04/10/2015 19:37

Just looking for straight answers please.
My mum offered to look after my toddler dd while I give birth so dh can be there with me- I had complications last time was in prior to and after birth for a few days but I'm hopeful it will be more straightforward this time.
Anyway was glad of offer as DM offered to stay at my house so dd can be in own bed etc. Agreed months ago- esp glad of offer as no support from inlaws and my friends all have young dc so would be struggling to help.
Just been told my dsis is now travelling to the other side of world for a fortnight leaving 2.5 wks before my due date- and so my DM will be looking after her dd (10 yrs old). My dn will be able to stay at parents house as Df there to stay at night but in the day DM will have to look after her.
I'm just annoyed that this was all booked and arranged without anyone thinking to tell me. DM can't see what the issue is but I feel put out actually.
Aibu?

OP posts:
BathshebaDarkstone · 04/10/2015 19:39

YANBU. She's let you down. Have you got a back up plan?

ginmakesitallok · 04/10/2015 19:40

I don't see the issue? Your dm will still be able to look after your dd won't she?

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 04/10/2015 19:42

So she's looking after the cousins together. Is that a problem?

Wigglebummunch31 · 04/10/2015 19:43

I don't get the problem? Your DN will probably help your DM look after your toddler during the day.

BoyScout · 04/10/2015 19:43

Why does DM not see the issue? Is she planning on looking after both?

OldBloodCallsToOldBlood · 04/10/2015 19:44

Hmmm. It's not clear from your post whether this means your DM can't look after your DD now. Can she still look after her with DN there?

Ineedtimeoff · 04/10/2015 19:44

So your mum will be looking after your DN as well as your DD? Your DD will still be able to sleep in her own bed but during the day she will go with your DM to her house? I think it's fine and I'm sure your DD will have a great time with her cousin and grandparents.

redexpat · 04/10/2015 19:46

So she's agreed to have your neice as well as your DD?

Or is she having your neice instead of your DD?

If it's the first, I'd think oh how nice, the cousins can play togehter. If it's the second then I'd be v v pissed off.

ToTheGups · 04/10/2015 19:48

It sounds fine to me if she is planning on having both children. Totally selfish if she is having your niece instead of your daughter.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 04/10/2015 19:50

As well, can't see a problem. Potentially a nice distraction for your dad.

CookieMonsterIsOnADiet · 04/10/2015 19:52

Your poor mum, you're very selfish to expect her to put her life on hold to help you out but expect other family members to fend for themselves. Why can't she help both out?

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 04/10/2015 19:53

If she's having both children yabu

If she's having your niece instead yanbu

If she can still have your dd but only at her house yab(a bit)u because she's looking after your child and compromises are part of life

Spartans · 04/10/2015 19:55

Why can't she do both?

BackforGood · 04/10/2015 19:56

Like everyone else, I can't see the issue. Even if your new baby comes early - which it might not - then I can't see how having a 10 yr old with her would stop your dm looking after your toddler dd Confused

iwantgin · 04/10/2015 19:56

She can look after both her grandchildren for a couple of days.

so unless she has totally changed the plans and cannot look after your DD as arranged then YABU.

You could be overdue anyway - in which case your Dsis will be home in time for your DM to have to only care for your DD.

steff13 · 04/10/2015 19:59

If she's refusing to watch your daughter, you are not being unreasonable.

If she plans to watch both girls, then you are being unreasonable to be annoyed.

RandomMess · 04/10/2015 19:59

Won't your DN be school for part of the day? I don't see the problem it will probably be fun for your DS to have his cousin there. Yes post birth you don't want your DN in your house but presumably your mum wasn't going to hang around then anyway?

TheCunnyFunt · 04/10/2015 20:00

Your post isn't clear whether your mum will be looking after your DN instead of your DD. If this is the case, yanbu. If your mum will be looking after them both together, yabu.

BathtimeFunkster · 04/10/2015 20:00

I think, given that you are going to be giving birth around then, and that your mother had agreed to be your childcare, that she and your sister should have mentioned this to you.

I can't imagine doing this to my sister. Or my mum agreeing to it, TBH.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 04/10/2015 20:00

In failing to see the issue... Confused

SisterMoonshine · 04/10/2015 20:01

The DN might be a big help with distraction and playing with the toddler.

Original poster
Littleyellowboo · 04/10/2015 20:02

It is as well as not instead of.
So DM will look after dd here at night then go home in day and take dn to school/back dinner etc.
logistical it works I'm just annoyed that this was all arranged and I was told as an afterthought and dd will have to fit around everyone else's plans.

OP posts:
Binkybix · 04/10/2015 20:04

So your DN is leaving 2.5 weeks before your due date, or arriving 2.5 weeks before?

steff13 · 04/10/2015 20:05

Oh, then, yes, you're being terribly unreasonable. If I were your mother, I'd be keeping her overnight at my house, not going back and forth. We all sometimes have to fit around other people's plans, that's life.

Bunbaker · 04/10/2015 20:05

Sorry, but I don't see what the problem is.

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