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AIBU?

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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to think being a paedophile isn't a crime?

999 replies

KissingFish · 30/09/2015 11:04

I see posts from people both on here and other places (Facebook) about how paedophiles should all be killed and confusing the terms paedophile and child molester / child abuser.

They're not the same thing and honestly I don't think being a paedophile is a crime. It is a sexual orientation that nobody chooses to be born with. The same way people are born straight or gay.

Just because someone is a paedophile it doesn't mean they have acted on it and so it doesn't mean they are a child molester.

Surely if we all accepted that paedophilia is a sexual orientation we could help these people before they commit a crime. Before they act on it. I bet there are a LOT more paedophiles out there than we know about. They just don't act on it because they know it's wrong to act on it.

I am of course not saying being sexually attracted to children is a good thing or that it should ever be OK to act on it. No way. Just that I don't think people choose to be a paedophile and it must be pretty scary to realise you are attracted to children. Much the same way it used to be about being gay. And I don't imagine you can just ask friends, family or many people actually for help and advice.

I think in order to deal with a problem you need to understand it first.

I am willing to be convinced otherwise though if anyone has a good argument?

Disclaimer: I am not a paedophile, I just don't believe they are all evil.

OP posts:
Elendon · 30/09/2015 19:04

What was that excellent point hairbrush?

giraffesCantDoThat · 30/09/2015 19:06

Did anyone watch the missing? Was a storyline in this.

lilycabbagerocks · 30/09/2015 19:06

Elen..

'And the booby prize goes to Gottage

I think some of you have taken leave of your senses!'

Elen we are all completely crazy! We just dont get it! Why can't paedophiles be more understood? More loved? fell more compassion for their plight? Why not come to MN where they all completely stupid/hysterical/manic/ I am sure I am missing some of the other labels thrown at us today to gather support for our plight. We have heard suggestions of AA meetings for paedos, talking groups, full immersion and acceptance in society. The list goes on...All this on a mothering website which prides itself on supporting mothers.

Meanwhile real survivors on here have been at the mercy of the posters who used her experience to push their agenda. Disgusting isn't the word.

Why don't we fall in line, give tea and sympathy to all the paedos out there, roll out the red carpet, invite them for dinner to discuss their worries. A bit of babysitting here or there, no harm, I am sure he has 'control' of his impulses. Agree it is not their 'fault', lower the age of consent to 4 and then sit back and watch what happens.....

In gods name it is certainly not us that have taken leave of our senses Gottage I can tell you!

Gottagetmoving · 30/09/2015 19:08

Gottage Up to now you have been quite the apologist so why the change of heart? Perhaps the real posters are now on line and this is more in line with what most mothers and fathers feel, sickened to the stomach by it all

I have no clue what you are on about. I have not had any change of heart nor am I an 'apologist'
I am disgusted that people who have discussed theories on paedophilia have been accused of condoning it and trying to normalize it. No one has said it is normal.

Elendon · 30/09/2015 19:12

Lily, I've been abused as an 11 year old (that person is now dead) and have a close relative younger than me who is an abuser. I grew up with that person. I will sit down and chat and have dinner, even make it for them.

So, I believe in forgiveness, though this relative was horribly abused himself, and he is working through this.

I would never for a minute not leave him with a child. However, he was once a beautiful bonny lad, full of life and this is how it turned out.

It's complicated, but hanging and flogging isn't the answer. Yes, I'm well aware of the deviancy.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 30/09/2015 19:14

Jesus lily will you stop keep throwing accusations at everyone. So stupid.

Elendon · 30/09/2015 19:18

Folks, all of you. Goodnight.

It's been an enlightened discussion, though I feel a little bit either black or white, with few going in-between.

I'm glad I took part. I do have strong views, but would never be nasty in replies, and apologies if you think I have.

x and peace

Gottagetmoving · 30/09/2015 19:21

Lily
Your last post really proves you have missed the whole point of the earlier discussion.
Looking into something as serious as paedophilia is not the same as offering bloody tea and sympathy!
Trying to understand the motives, the mindset and the reasons for it is not rolling out a red carpet or giving support for the actions. It is trying to understand something so it can be possibly be treated.
You cannot fight something you don't understand with fear and hatred. You need to understand it as far as possible.
You are not interested in reasons or causes. There are thousands of paedophiles in this country apparently. Many of them are married men with families.

I don't know why I bother explaining, because everything I just said will be interpreted as pro paedophile and anti child by the ignorant.
Stop making things up and read what people are actually saying,...not what your pre conceived ideas tell you.

MNHQ
IonaMumsnet · 30/09/2015 19:22

Hi folks. We've had an awful lot of reports about this thread, which we really need to go through carefully. We're going to temporarily suspend the thread while we have a good look at them.

Obs2015 · 30/09/2015 19:22

This has been a very interesting thread.

MNHQ
IonaMumsnet · 30/09/2015 21:29

Thread now reopened. Thanks for your patience.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 30/09/2015 21:29

Why was it reported?!

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 30/09/2015 21:41

Take a look at the number of deletions Paul!

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 30/09/2015 22:02

There's no circumstance in which its ok for an adult and child to have a sexual relationship.

However I do believe there are probably many people who are sexually attracted to children (as well as or instead of adults) who will never act on it. In the same way that many of us may feel a murderous rage and not act on it. We have deeply ingrained rules against both things, paedophilia probably more so than murder since there are contexts where arguably murder is ok (war, capital punishment, euthanasia etc).

If someone is sexually attracted to children then they should never be allowed to be in a position where they could act on that attraction. It's in nobody's interest for there to be that level of risk.

Children absolutely must be protected above and beyond those who may or may not harm them.

Maryz · 30/09/2015 22:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HermioneWeasley · 30/09/2015 22:07

The fact is nobody knows how many saintly paedophiles are holding themselves in a state of self control for their entire lives. These assertions that th majority of paedophiles never abuse are a nonsense - there is simply no way of knowing.

I really don't see the point of the OP except to normalise paedophilia and create sympathy. I'm horrified that it has been allowed to stand.

Maryz · 30/09/2015 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BaronessEllaSaturday · 30/09/2015 22:15

I don't care about paedophiles but I do care about children and if being more open and understanding can enable paedophiles to get help and support to prevent them abusing children then I am all for it, not for their sake but for the children it will protect sakes

Thelushinthepub · 30/09/2015 22:15

Exactly hermione, none of us know how many paedophiles don't act on their urges, in fact we don't know whether any such paedophiles exist.

Maryz there is no evidence treatment works for paedohilia

hairbrushbedhair · 30/09/2015 22:17

These assertions that th majority of paedophiles never abuse are a nonsense - there is simply no way of knowing.

Actually if it was accepted as a mental illness we could possibly find out. We know that MOST schizophrenics don't commit violent crimes for example

It would require those pedophiles to admit if they'd abused a child though (perhaps anonymously to encourage it being reported) so we could gain the statistics since lots of abuse goes unreported and it's much easier to spot a victim of violence than a victim of sexual abuse

Maryz · 30/09/2015 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 30/09/2015 22:24

Seeing it as a sexual orientation is normalising it. Likening it to homosexuality is normalising it.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 30/09/2015 22:26

As every other poster has pointed out UnderTheGreenwoodTree

Absolutely agree with everything you've said Maryz

Thelushinthepub · 30/09/2015 22:29

I suspect clinically it wouldn't make a difference whether they've offended or not- you're talking about whether treatment would be effective in stopping them being attracted to children. That outcome is the same whether they've abused or not

WorraLiberty · 30/09/2015 22:29

Blimey this thread took a strange turn didn't it?

FWIW Maryz, I think you've spoken a lot of sense all the way through.

You must have a flat head from banging it repeatedly against the wall Grin