have read your post but no time to read all the replies sorry.
sexual orientation is a morally neutral thing, it really doesn't help victims trying to repair their relationship to sex to put paedophilia in the same bracket as homo/bi/heterosexuality. Better to think of it as a mental condition like sociopathy i think.
there was an interesting 30min documentary on radio 4 a few months ago that made many of the points you do, and also looked into the support groups that non-active paedophiles have set up online, so that they can support each other in abstaining from offending. Unfortunately they also included quite a bit on the rarer form of abuse; a stranger kidnapping, abusing and then killing a child. This is why so many parents curtail their children's freedom to such a negative extent, and yet it's sooooo much more likely that it's someone that isn't a stranger that's abusing them.
you're absolutely right, unless we approach the problem with an enquiring mind, we won't solve it and at worst we'll drive it even deeper underground. The majority of people will rant and rave or bottle out of facing the issue, a tiny minority realise that if you truly understand the problem, you have to be willing to pick up on signs from any child (even a "wayward" child, as so many of the victims in the grooming rings that have come to light recently were) that any adult/child is abusing them. This includes your husband, your son, your grandma, anyone. As I understand it, in the vast majority of cases, there was someone (or many people) who'd never have believed that the molester was an molester. Obviously I know lots of people who'd I'd be surprised to learn were molesters, but this doesn't mean that I'd ignore the signs from a child that told/hinted that they were, but that's cos i've done that difficult work in mind of facing the reality of the situation.
Obviously a lot of work needs to be done with children who maliciously accuse, they need to be shown the impact that their lies have on the children who are being abused - how it makes it harder for them to get people to believe them (and of course there will be some crossover between these 2 groups).
It's a good point you made about the language, a paedophile is not necessarily a molester. I wouldn't use the term child abuser, as some child abusers just abuse mentally or with physical violence.
The way we deal with this has got to move forward, with the needs of children being paramount. Any non-active paedophile who genuinely cares about not acting on their urges would surely be willing to accept a high level of state control.
We also need to look at the active and passive enablers, those that know and look away, and those that know and take part (eg procuring children), whilst not doing any molestation themselves. How many times have I read "my mum knew it was happening but did nothing".