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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to think being a paedophile isn't a crime?

999 replies

KissingFish · 30/09/2015 11:04

I see posts from people both on here and other places (Facebook) about how paedophiles should all be killed and confusing the terms paedophile and child molester / child abuser.

They're not the same thing and honestly I don't think being a paedophile is a crime. It is a sexual orientation that nobody chooses to be born with. The same way people are born straight or gay.

Just because someone is a paedophile it doesn't mean they have acted on it and so it doesn't mean they are a child molester.

Surely if we all accepted that paedophilia is a sexual orientation we could help these people before they commit a crime. Before they act on it. I bet there are a LOT more paedophiles out there than we know about. They just don't act on it because they know it's wrong to act on it.

I am of course not saying being sexually attracted to children is a good thing or that it should ever be OK to act on it. No way. Just that I don't think people choose to be a paedophile and it must be pretty scary to realise you are attracted to children. Much the same way it used to be about being gay. And I don't imagine you can just ask friends, family or many people actually for help and advice.

I think in order to deal with a problem you need to understand it first.

I am willing to be convinced otherwise though if anyone has a good argument?

Disclaimer: I am not a paedophile, I just don't believe they are all evil.

OP posts:
Meerka · 30/09/2015 16:52

There's an old question isnt there lurkinghusband, would you rather be governed by a corrupt person or a stupid one ....

... stupid is more dangerous, imo!

lilycabbagerocks · 30/09/2015 16:52

Lurking husband,

I think I am twice your age, I am a grandmother in two months time. I can only feel sorry for you (and perhaps more for your wife) lurking is a good title and one that I feel suits you very well.

Lets leave it there, you are boring me now.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 30/09/2015 16:53

It'sallgoingtobefine can you please not speculate and explore the fine details of specific child abuse, it is sickening and distressing.

Lily brought it up, not me. And it is a very important point, if a young child is not being physically hurt by an abuser they will not feel about the abuse the same way you would. They will not come to you distressed saying that someone is abusing them, they may mention in passing that their favourite baby sitter plays a funny tickling game with them at bed time but they don't attach the same emotions to it that you do. They will see it as doing something odd and a little bit naughty to make a favourite adult who loves them very much happy.

MySordidCakeSecret · 30/09/2015 16:53

yup.. whilst being ever so smug for some inconceivable reason..

LurkingHusband · 30/09/2015 16:53

Nor is every wierd looking person as pedophile

too late for Stefan Kiszko, and the poor soul murdered recently because of the neighbourhood rumours.

Still, they probably were guilty. Of something. So well done to the criminal justice system, and vigilantes for bucking this modern fad for "facts" and acting on pure prejudice alone. If only more people today had such a strength of - albeit wrong - beliefs.

Senpai · 30/09/2015 16:53

Serial killers act on compulsions and have a mental illness too. We don't consider that a lifestyle choice.

Pedophilia isn't a sexual orientation. It's a sexual dysfunction in the same way being sexually attracted to motorcycles is. It's called paraphilia, and there already is help for that. People simply choose not to get that help.

I'm not in favor of thought policing, so whatever a person is attracted to is not my concern. However, the second they start looking at child porn or preying on children they need to be taken out back and shot like the dogs they are.

DriverSurpriseMe · 30/09/2015 16:53

child abusers who physically injure children generally aren't paedophiles.

What?

Apart from paedophiles who injure children by raping them that is.

Read James Rhodes' memoir "Instrumental". He was raped so often and so roughly he suffered spinal damage.

I'm so confused by this thread. So if I'm to believe some posters on here, not only are a great deal of paedophiles not acting on their desires, but most would steer clear from raping them in favour of less physically damaging sexual activities.

Holy shit.

leedy · 30/09/2015 16:53

I'm beginning to think that if I posted here that Hitler said "I believe in the superiority of the Aryan race", lily would accuse me of being a Nazi.

hairbrushbedhair · 30/09/2015 16:53

I am still very bemused as to what terrible atrocity I have committed.

Leedy you tried to explain to someone who'd missed the point terribly and someone who'd just joined the thread that the post had been disgustingly misinterpreted.

Shame on you! Wink how very dare you! Go sit in the naughty corner of MN this minute

lilycabbagerocks · 30/09/2015 16:54

OfaFrench, great post. Would be great to get that small detail ironed out from itsallgoing.

Elendon · 30/09/2015 16:54

they don't see it as wrong in the same way as an adult would.

Itsall Of course children see it as wrong, as the adult does, and I'm not selectively quoting, but I'm not quoting all of what you posted.

Plus you have seriously contradicted yourself now on several occasions.

As for Iknow

Lunatic rantings
Thick

Nice discussion.

Waltermittythesequel · 30/09/2015 16:54

lily I've just come back to the thread and am pretty pissed off that you've tried to derail it with your nonsense.

I can practically hear your screeching from here.

You are walking a very fine line in what you're alluding to about some posters here and you're bang out of order.

If you can discuss something rationally and at least somewhat intellectually, you shouldn't be on this thread.

MySordidCakeSecret · 30/09/2015 16:55

I disagree from my personal experiences. They know it isn't normal and not right, hence the PANTS guide from nspcc, "If someone is doing something to your body or touching you in a way that doesn't feel good"

Many times they know it's not right. and the words I would use to describe my own situation were predominately confusing, stressful and scary.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 30/09/2015 16:56

Hey ItsAllGoing, you are back!

Could you please confirm...

As in my original post it would cause no physical damage but is likely to cause psychological. Any sexual activity with any living thing that cannot consent is always wrong IMO.

lilycabbagerocks · 30/09/2015 16:56

Driver, precisely our point.

But hey we are just hysterics. It is a sad and sick twisted tale of a thread.

leedy · 30/09/2015 16:56

"What?

Apart from paedophiles who injure children by raping them that is."

I think the point being made was the IN GENERAL child abusers who rape children aren't what would be considered true paedophiles - not all paedophiles are child abusers and not all child abusers are paedophiles. Nobody is claiming that child rape and other more injurious forms of abuse don't exist, sadly they very much do as per the memoir you cited.

MySordidCakeSecret · 30/09/2015 16:57

well if that's true leedy then why do peadophiles campaign to lower the age of consent to as young as 4?

MySordidCakeSecret · 30/09/2015 16:58

It'sall you have some very worrying views.

MagicalMrsMistoffelees · 30/09/2015 17:00

Much as I try to remain objective, logical and neutral and as much as I understand the difference between a paedophile who has never acted on their attraction and a child abuser who has, I still could not be friends with one.

I know it's not catching. I know they may be as able to 'control' themselves around children in the way I, as a heterosexual, 'control' myself around men. I know it is brave to tell people. But it makes my skin crawl. That would be an instinctive reaction that I can't help either.

hairbrushbedhair · 30/09/2015 17:00

well if that's true leedy then why do peadophiles campaign to lower the age of consent to as young as 4?

Jeez. I had more to write but it's comical now.

LurkingHusband · 30/09/2015 17:01

lilycabbagerocks

Hi there again. Get lost on the way out ?

Lurking husband,

I think I am twice your age,

I thought you'd know ?

I am a grandmother in two months time.

If we were discussing the price of fish, that would be relevant .... (starts to do some mental arithmetic ... I wonder how old you think I am ?)

I can only feel sorry for you (and perhaps more for your wife) lurking is a good title and one that I feel suits you very well.

Confused meow !

Lets leave it there, you are boring me now.

You can leave it wherever you want, or whenever you want (I rather thought you had). Still better boring than

The one rule I have learned about MN, is AIBU is pretty rough and tumble, and not for the faint hearted.

Senpai · 30/09/2015 17:02

I think the point being made was the IN GENERAL child abusers who rape children aren't what would be considered true paedophiles - not all paedophiles are child abusers and not all child abusers are paedophiles.

I don't understand why there needs to be a distinction. At this point you're just splitting hairs.

There's no "not a true Scotsman" with this. You sexually abuse a child, you're a pedophile. Simple.

Hamiltoes · 30/09/2015 17:02

Wow... What a way to get a thread that could have been an interesting discussion deleted Hmm

I hate the fact that if you don't state the obvious in every fucking post i.e that WE ALL THINK CHILD ABUSE IS DISGUSTING you are automatically written off thinking the oposite.

It makes for a very boring discussion if how sick it is has to be repeated by everyone constantly. News flash- we all feel the same way, its just some of us can delve into the subject a little deeper and scratch the surface on a genuine debate.

MySordidCakeSecret · 30/09/2015 17:02

sorry leedy i can't work out what's funny about a serious campaign by sick twisted individuals who think such a consent age would be acceptable Hmm

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 30/09/2015 17:02

Nice discussion.

It stopped being a discussion when the ranting started.

Lily - thought you were going, given that the subject was apparently too "sickening" for you? Why the change of heart??