to think being a paedophile isn't a crime?

[KissingFish]

I see posts from people both on here and other places (Facebook) about how paedophiles should all be killed and confusing the terms paedophile and child molester / child abuser.

They're not the same thing and honestly I don't think being a paedophile is a crime. It is a sexual orientation that nobody chooses to be born with. The same way people are born straight or gay.

Just because someone is a paedophile it doesn't mean they have acted on it and so it doesn't mean they are a child molester.

Surely if we all accepted that paedophilia is a sexual orientation we could help these people before they commit a crime. Before they act on it. I bet there are a LOT more paedophiles out there than we know about. They just don't act on it because they know it's wrong to act on it.

I am of course not saying being sexually attracted to children is a good thing or that it should ever be OK to act on it. No way. Just that I don't think people choose to be a paedophile and it must be pretty scary to realise you are attracted to children. Much the same way it used to be about being gay. And I don't imagine you can just ask friends, family or many people actually for help and advice.

I think in order to deal with a problem you need to understand it first.

I am willing to be convinced otherwise though if anyone has a good argument?

Disclaimer: I am not a paedophile, I just don't believe they are all evil.

Aeroflot, he was not and is not abusing children.

Social Services were made aware (at his request too) because he had a minor living with him at the time that he asked for help.

Excellent post Raxa If the hysterics read that and still don't get what you mean, there is something wrong with them.

Bloke, not block.

DYAC

Thanks Gotta. It's very hard to discuss it with any sort of objectivity because of course, we all have the same gut reaction to the abhorrence of child abuse.

Raxa
You explained it very very clearly. It came across how involved and difficult it is and what a dilemma it can be, but your approach is far better than those who instantly turn into raving paranoids.

Itsmine, I completely and utterly understand that. I think it's right that you can choose the path that's right for you. I actually would have said I'd think the same way as you. Until it happened. It was a very steep learning curve.

Can you see that this man has done nothing wrong? What he's actually DONE is quite remarkable? He made it, effectively so that this thing inside him isn't something that is a threat to us (if we acknowledge that the threat of abuse nearly always comes from what we don't know about somebody)? He chose to safeguard those around him and to ask for help. I don't mean you have to like him or be friends with him. Just acknowledge that if paedophilia exists, then perhaps this is the only thing he could have done? The right choice perhaps? What is his alternative?

It would also put me off him, but a little bit of respect to him though for acknowledging and putting steps in place to protect others. I think I would still have that little bit of doubt though.

Clearly I'm a 'hysteric' but I've read it, still don't get it. I couldn't be friends with a paedophile. Yes anyone could be one, but you know this one is. That, would put me off him. Totally

You didn't read it very well. Raxa explained it changed how she saw him. She wouldn't trust him with her children. He isn't around her children, she sees him occasionally. What she has not done is treat him as sub human.
Her attitude is intelligent and not fear based.

The good news is I am back hairbrushed, so sweet of you that you missed me!! I do have a life to lead.

I am with Booyaka one hundred per cent. There is a rogue element of pro lobbyists on here making their point. I am not going to be drawn into the conversation any longer because it is making me sick to the stomach.

We all wish there was a magic solution to the sexual deviance that is paedophilia and I am sure one day science will put an end to this wretched existence for those poor men that have to live their days in the shadows, constantly looking behind them, afraid of the consequences. One day we can live in hope...

My objection to Raxa's posts was the 'respectable and professional' part.

As if it made some sort of difference - it doesn't.

I had two views from social workers:

One said that they fancy children like adults fancy people, they have a set of ideals, for e.g. a child that had blonde hair, male, certain age.

The other said that in no circumstances should I leave any child in isolation with a known paedophile, because although they may well come to an understanding of the condition, they cannot ever be trusted, no matter how respectable they seem, to act upon those desires.

I don't see any hysteria on this thread. What I do see is men/women trying to justify the sick thoughts of a paedophile!

Awww poor man can't deal with being an abuser so fucking what

No they don't need therapy or to be accepted into families.

Actually, men who admit to having this "illness" are probably worse than those who don't! They are just using another way to manipulate their way into people's lives, making you think you can trust them.

No paedophile has any right to be accepted anywhere.

I don't see paedophilia as a "sexual orientation" I see it as a pathological condition.

Clearly I'm a 'hysteric' but I've read it, still don't get it. I couldn't be friends with a paedophile.

Is it possible you know someone who is a paedophile but hasn't ever discussed it with another human being ? That being the case, how would anyone know they are a paedophile ?

Awww poor man can't deal with being an abuser so fucking what

In other news, a woman was jailed for having sex with a 15 year old boy.

www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/schoolboy-groomed-teaching-assistant-we-6536549

Not all "paedophiles" are men. Not all victims are girls.

Glad to hear youre leaving lily.
Not all of us are on a crusade.
Some are simply enjoying having an interesting discussion and can have compassion for people who have and don't wish to ACTon their feelings.
Again, this isnt just men, it's just fewer women.
I

Yanbu. Totally agree .

There are a lot of assumptions on this thread that paedophiles who claim not to act on their feelings are telling the truth. i find that quite astonishing and seems to ignore how deceptive and manipulative sex abusers can be. To say the young man in the documentary about offering support to paedophiles via chat rooms isn't abusing and deserves help and sympathy is enormously naive. It could just as easily be a cover for a paedophile ring.

Also unsure as to what sort of help people expect paedophiles could get if they were able to confess their feelings to understanding people. Medicine may advance in future but at the moment far too little is known about this and there is no evidence that treatment is effective.

Paedophilia is defined as a mental illness by the WHO (under certain parameters) not a sexual orientation

raxo your friend has almost certainly abused a child or at very least viewed child porn for services to be involved and for it to be pushed out in the open.

Elendon, you misunderstand me. I said he was respectable and professional not because that made it alright. I said as part of a list of things he IS. Separate to the knowledge of his paedophilia. To illustrate that the man he was and the man he is are one and the same. It wasn't justification or explanation. It was an illustration of the difference between who somebody is and what they do.

I see why it's a problematic way of describing him because respected and professional have been tools for abuse in the past. I absolutely do not imply that about him. That is NOT what I meant. It was part of a list of traits, of facts, of descriptions of a man I know. I was explaining the things which made him a friend. I know through experience that those things aren't cancelled out. Abuse would absolutely obliterate them of course.

Does that make any sense?

There are a lot of assumptions on this thread that paedophiles who claim not to act on their feelings are telling the truth. i find that quite astonishing and seems to ignore how deceptive and manipulative sex abusers can be. To say the young man in the documentary about offering support to paedophiles via chat rooms isn't abusing and deserves help and sympathy is enormously naive. It could just as easily be a cover for a paedophile ring.

Very true, I'm not a hysteric btw just a differing opinion hope that's permitted.

The truth is you don't know for sure raxa that your friend hasn't viewed child abuse images, or indeed abused a child. His family might not even know, i'd be astonished that someone would be pushed to go to the lengths he has if they hadn't otherwise why the need?

I don't think it's an intelligent choice raxa has made no, and i don't think he's admirable. If I found out a long term friend was a peadophile I would cut them out of my life, and for me that would be the intelligent option as to safeguard my children.

Kali and Lurking Husband, it's predominately men who are paedophiles, let's not skirt around this issue and address it properly. Women who are paedophiles rarely harm children in the way men do - though it does happen (when it does it's somehow incredibly shocking and abhorrent and deviancy to a point of not understanding).

These men are the ones who make money distributing photos on the black web - and, in the making of these photos children are harmed, physically and mentally - it seems now that the deviancy is worse, the more harm the better, including death. Watching these photos and downloading them is participating in that dreadful abuse.

I used to have a staffie. I loved her, she was a lovely dog and I'm sure she wouldn't have hurt my little girl.
But no way could I ever leave them alone in a room together.
And nor would I leave a self confessed paedophile with my kids. Actually I wouldn't have him/her in my home at all, the idea is just too stressful to me. It's just too much of a gamble to me.

MySordid. He has not abused anybody. He asked for help. He made the statement because he had decided that he couldn't lie to people or be around children without people's knowledge of this. He had a minor living with him at the time and HE told social services. Social services are not 'involved' as you have interpreted the situation.