I think there is an interesting discussion to be had. I posted because I thought I might be able to answer some questions about what happens when paedophilia is present but abuse is not and how I, as part of this society, decided to act.
I absolutely do not take the decision to remain friends with this man lightly. I did not shrug my shoulders and accept it. I didn't celebrate it or greet it in anything other than abject shock. It was months until I saw him again, my choice.
However, I had to make a decision and I had to make this decision based upon a number of factors. What does his decision to declare this and ask for help, actually tell me about him? His sole act with reference to paedophilia is to admit something which he could have left hidden. He asked for complete and total honesty and asked people to reject him immediately (I'm sure many did). I had to consider that my DH works with the investigation and prosecution of abusers. I know, absolutely that child abuse happens because people either don't know somebody is a threat or they don't accept somebody is a threat. I know DH has been utterly heartbroken by cases where a man, a father, a husband has turned out to be the most despicable of characters and has done the most terrible things. He is everything you have just cause to judge in a criminal of this nature: deceitful, dishonest, abusive, depraved, opportunistic, calculated, manipulative, abhorrent. Judge him by his actions and he is where he belongs, in prison, probably for the rest of his natural life actually. But then there's my friend. A man who our family has known for 30 years. A man who decided to be honest about something and give people free choice.
Do I trust him to be alone with my children? Never. Do I look at him the same as I did before? No. Do I accept, minimise or justify this as 'acceptable' as a sexual attraction? Never, it should always be identified, treated and safeguarded against. Every person should have the opportunity to say no to that man's presence in their life.
But what has actually changed? He's been honest. He is still the same man he ever was. I'm tempted to say I admire his honesty but that's the wrong word. I'm glad of it.
I'm probably more vigilant around him than other men, how could I not be? He knows it, he expects it. The alternative was to shun him, to turn him into something he is not. Would that have helped him fight this? Would it have helped anything? No.
I think in retrospect - and I've had years to think about this now - the only difference is that I know something that is true of him that could be true of any man in my life. My children are safer for my knowing I think. He's chosen honesty and it will mean he is reviled, shunned and abused for something he hasn't done but something he is. He gave me an opportunity I suppose, to know who he truly is. I wish the world was black and white and that paedophilia mean you were a certain type of person. However, I know that it's not true.
Does it also mean that I would invite any or all paedophiles into my house? Nope. Does it mean that if other people who were close to my children admitted they were paedophiles, I'd keep them in my life? No. I should point out that this man is not close to my children (we knew about his paedophilia before we had children), the Christmas Days to which I referred are not him coming round and cuddling up on the sofa with my children and we all pretend it's not a thing. He drops in for a glass of mulled wine or a coffee along with a host of other people. He stays for half an hour, wishes us all the best, we wish him all the best. He brings his children and grandchildren with him. He's not a weird block in a mac we install in the corner of family occasions and pat ourselves on the back because we're right on and oh so brilliantly liberal. This was a conscious decision and one that I do not take lightly in the slightest.