to think being a paedophile isn't a crime?

[KissingFish]

I see posts from people both on here and other places (Facebook) about how paedophiles should all be killed and confusing the terms paedophile and child molester / child abuser.

They're not the same thing and honestly I don't think being a paedophile is a crime. It is a sexual orientation that nobody chooses to be born with. The same way people are born straight or gay.

Just because someone is a paedophile it doesn't mean they have acted on it and so it doesn't mean they are a child molester.

Surely if we all accepted that paedophilia is a sexual orientation we could help these people before they commit a crime. Before they act on it. I bet there are a LOT more paedophiles out there than we know about. They just don't act on it because they know it's wrong to act on it.

I am of course not saying being sexually attracted to children is a good thing or that it should ever be OK to act on it. No way. Just that I don't think people choose to be a paedophile and it must be pretty scary to realise you are attracted to children. Much the same way it used to be about being gay. And I don't imagine you can just ask friends, family or many people actually for help and advice.

I think in order to deal with a problem you need to understand it first.

I am willing to be convinced otherwise though if anyone has a good argument?

Disclaimer: I am not a paedophile, I just don't believe they are all evil.

An intelligent discussion can not be held if the posters that you are discussing the subject with choose to minimise child abuse, the suffering and pain of children and blame society for the damage to the child and not the perpetrators.

You haven't got a fucking clue have you?? Child Abusers are not the same as Paedophiles - that's the whole point of the thread, but you're so busy shouting your bile that you haven't actually taken anything in.....

It gets better Raxo! 2 peadophiles at a wedding what joy that must have been. I'd love to know what these social circles are that you're mixing in, so I may avoid them at all costs, are they circles of well respected professional peoples?

It is quite strange that you say you KNOW of two men who are peadophiles now that are out mixing in society. How on earth do you know this information? have they told you? is it common knowledge? or are they convicted.

No, because not all men are rapists.

Exactly. I'm glad you understand. Not all paedophiles are child abusers.

that will be so lovely in a few years to look back on the family photos with your children and grandkids:

"Here's christmas dinner with barry the peado"

"Mummy who's that man at the wedding?"

"Oh that's just another peadophile we knew, lovely man"

n the interests of continuing the discussion and ceasing the bunfight, i wonder just how common it is in society today? I don't think we will ever have accurate numbers until we get away from the "all paedophiles are child abusers" attitude.

I can't remember source but I think between about 0.5-1% of males? (Defined as attraction to pre-pubescents, attraction to older children far higher %age)

We have had some very unhelpful posts on here, and some very strange individuals that require help definitely.

Oh yes. So very, very true. I'm not sure some of them recognise themselves though.

MySordidCakeSecret

How old are you? Go back & have a read of your posts....

Raxa, so if he has never abused anyone how do you know he is a paedophile? Has he sought treatment for it and admitted his deviancy?

My relative was welcome into my home, but social services wanted assurances because children were there, that there were responsible adults. Did you get this?

You can't hold an intelligent discussion without agreeing on the terms being used.

So that's this thread out then.

So I guess this is the vision of some posters here, a society where we know and are friends with local peadophiles and offer them friendship and support?

I've never heard of anything like it, I hope to God you won't come to regret it in the future.

I'm sure phsycologists agree that sexual tendancy is "learned or gained" at what, age 3-6?

hamiltoes can you explain what you mean here? I'd always been of the opinion that sexuality is born, not made. Do phsycologists think otherwise? It's just my thoughts, but I'm willing to hear a different argument.

I think that it's an interesting point you made about it all being not black and white. I'm not sure we'll ever really know how many people think it's ok, and to what extent as well. But then, that's another argument. A child is a child, regardless of their age, so in that respect a person looking at a 14 year old is as bad as someone looking at a 4 year old. Interesting points you've made.

Hamiltoes Or maybe because early marriages led to lots and lots of death in childbirth. Because men wanted the virgin, and the money and connection that comes with it. Because it was never about the bride, or the boy, but everything about the groom or buyer, or eraste...
Because you were lucky to live until 40 too...

MySordidCakeSecret - do you think there is nothing to be gained for society and the world's knowledge by rationally and calmly discussing this issue? You have made your point abundantly clear, but you'll also note that more level-heads are prevailing. If this is an emotive topic for you (and there's nothing wrong with that), then it may be for the best that you find another thread instead of dragging down the good quality discussion in here.

Oh an my relative has never been convicted.

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou

I'm 23.
Good point actually that SS would probably be concerned you are so eager to introduce your children to peadophiles. But pp seem to be missing this opportunity in raxa, you have cited the reluctance for peadophiles to come out and seek help due to societal attitudes..

Well Raxa seems to be living somewhere where everyone is very lax about this.

Nobody here has said child abuse is ok. Everyone has agreed it is abhorrent, inexcusable and totally unacceptable.

What we are trying to do is acknowledge the difference between paedophiles (who have a sexual attraction to children and who may or may not have acted on that attraction) and a child abuser (who has definitely acted on that attraction).

Some posters further acknowledge the possiblity paedophiles cannot help their attraction to children. Perhaps through genetics, life experiences, whatever - it is possible they are attracted to children through no fault of their own.

Some say this is a sexual orientation (like being heterosexual or homosexual) others are saying it is a sexual preference. Others are saying it can be defined as a psychological fault or psychiatric disorder.

Thinking these things through absolutely does not equate to having any sympathy for child abusers! Child abusers are vile, taking advantage of the most vulnerable for their own selfish ends. We all went them kept away from children.

But by having this discussion, perhaps we can work towards preventing it happening in the first place? Towards protecting children?

I still like my idea of identifying the rogue gene and deactivating it.

I'd always been of the opinion that sexuality is born, not made

Scientists haven't figured this one out yet either There is (so far) no particular gene or group of genes that has been identified as defining sexuality. But the expression if genes can be incredibly subtle, as can external influences on brain structure etc, so its not proven one way or the other.

I know one paedophile if you read what I actually wrote. I'll try and explain what I said again.

Imagine you get invited to a wedding, your children are invited along too. You go along to the wedding, you have a lovely day, the children have a lovely day, you go home. You don't know a single thought that goes through the minds of any of the people there. You can't know if any of the people in that room are paedophiles, abusers, rapists or sadists or if they have the potential to be or desire to be. You simply do not. The steps you take to protect your children exist, presumably, as a constant. You always endeavour to protect and teach them so that they are not vulnerable to abuse.

My point was that I did that recently. I went to a wedding just like the one described. My children went with me. The fact that my friend was there didn't make one iota of difference to how I behaved or the ways in which I ensured the safety of my children.

I suppose I'm trying to illustrate that my knowledge of somebody's unwanted predilections/desires doesn't put my children at risk. The risk where child abuse is concerned lies precisely in what we don't know, what we don't talk about and in denial and fear.

sorry beef, this is an emotive and triggering topic for me. I have experience of my own abuse being minimalised by my own family because the perpetrator was from a respected and well known family.

I was told there's no need to do a police report, how about we all sit down with the perpetrator and talk about it.

Oh right i see so she knows the risks, well how lovely that must make christmas.. prepare the sprouts, serve the turkey, oh wait must check barry isn't fondling the children

MySordidCakeSecret

Have you ever had any males invited into your house? Friends? Relatives?Have you ever considered one of them may be a paedophile?

When the poster said she had a paedophile over for dinner,..she knew what he was. She was aware and therefore prepared and able to protect her children.
When you have any Males in your house, do you leave your children unprotected?
Paedophiles don't come with an identity badge.
That posters children were probably at no more risk than yours are.

Any of us could be living with a paedophile, and no, you wouldn't know.

But Raxa, please answer the question of how you know these two people to be peadophiles. How did you find out?

Milkmilk I'd always been of the opinion that sexuality is born, not made. Do phsycologists think otherwise? It's just my thoughts, but I'm willing to hear a different argument.

So the minute you entered puberty, you knew you were het, bi, gay? We were told (in a Catholic girls school run by nuns!), that with the onset of puberty it took time to decide on one's sexual orientation. Crushes were common and it was all part of growing up. Not a switch, nor innate.

Only my family no male friends. But I think the majority of parents would not invite someone to dinner after finding out that that person was a peadophile. It's not a typical situation surely.

Saying paedophilia is a sexual orientation is comparable to saying rape is a sexual orientation.

Comparing paedophilia to homosexuality is deeply offensive to homosexual people.

I agree that there needs to be treatment in place for paedophiles and that it should be more accessible. That being said, the key word here is treatment. You treat an illness not a sexual orientation.