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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think being a paedophile isn't a crime?

999 replies

KissingFish · 30/09/2015 11:04

I see posts from people both on here and other places (Facebook) about how paedophiles should all be killed and confusing the terms paedophile and child molester / child abuser.

They're not the same thing and honestly I don't think being a paedophile is a crime. It is a sexual orientation that nobody chooses to be born with. The same way people are born straight or gay.

Just because someone is a paedophile it doesn't mean they have acted on it and so it doesn't mean they are a child molester.

Surely if we all accepted that paedophilia is a sexual orientation we could help these people before they commit a crime. Before they act on it. I bet there are a LOT more paedophiles out there than we know about. They just don't act on it because they know it's wrong to act on it.

I am of course not saying being sexually attracted to children is a good thing or that it should ever be OK to act on it. No way. Just that I don't think people choose to be a paedophile and it must be pretty scary to realise you are attracted to children. Much the same way it used to be about being gay. And I don't imagine you can just ask friends, family or many people actually for help and advice.

I think in order to deal with a problem you need to understand it first.

I am willing to be convinced otherwise though if anyone has a good argument?

Disclaimer: I am not a paedophile, I just don't believe they are all evil.

OP posts:
Raxacoricofallapatorius · 30/09/2015 14:17

Saville is a child abuser.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/09/2015 14:18

Yes rax my children are relying on my to protect them, as they cannot, they are vulnerable, I could not let him into my children's home knowing what I know about him. Paedophillia is a psychological disorder order which requires appropriate treatment. As a result those who have paedphillic tendencies shoukd be free to open up to the right professionals so they can get help.

lilycabbagerocks · 30/09/2015 14:18

Thickorthin....

Why? because I dont to join the i love paedophiles club?

EnjoyTheSimpleThingsInLife · 30/09/2015 14:18

I can't believe people would knowingly allow a paedophile near their children.

Try having your childhood destroyed by such a evil person then say you will be friends with them

LurkingHusband · 30/09/2015 14:19

lilycabbagerocks

A Summary of this thread...

would be people who don't listen, join forces with people who don't think to shout down intelligent debate. Basically an advert for moderated forums.

MySordidCakeSecret · 30/09/2015 14:19

so he's not alone with your children, but is he alone in your house? nipping off to the loo? how do you know he's not planted a camera in the bathroom, or been in your childrens bedrooms, or as i said, he could be having innaporopiate thoughts. Not how i like to enjoy the festive season personally.

Elendon · 30/09/2015 14:19

Milkmilk, it's not a sexual orientation. It's not classed as a sexual orientation, no more than having orgasms during sex with dead people, animals is a sexual orientation.

I hope you understand this.

hairbrushbedhair · 30/09/2015 14:19

Sorry to disappoint but I actually am a mum to a 3 year old little boy and have no sexual attraction to children, not a member of a paedophile ring.

Iv also experienced abuse at the hands of damaged individuals in my own childhood.

I'm capable of being a mum, and desiring the world to be made a safer place for my own child without wanting to kill incredibly sick individuals. I have hope that people can be reformed/rehabilitated.

I worked with a very damaged 'boy' once who at the age of seventeen was incredibly dangerous to young children. It was frightening that because he hadn't committed a crime over the age of culpability he wasn't being offered any specialist support. Last I heard he was in prison for rape. Countless social workers knew that was the path he was heading on but if you read his own story you would have wept. I don't feel either he or his victim stood any chance and I wish they both had. I think intervention could have stopped it. I think intervention should have at least tried to stop it. But do I think he should have been killed off at 6/7/8 years old so it never happened? No. He never stood a chance.

It's possible to be repulsed and sympathetic. I'm more frightened some people advocate killing over intervention

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 30/09/2015 14:20

Yet..always a yet.

In the same way that all men will rape someone at some point?

Elendon · 30/09/2015 14:20

MySordid, please cut it out.

It's not helpful.

Aeroflotgirl · 30/09/2015 14:20

So as long as your policing that effusively so he's not alone with them. But I could not do that. How do you know he hasent, he's hardly going to be open with you abut that.

ghostyslovesheep · 30/09/2015 14:21

That episode of brasseye was genius

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 30/09/2015 14:21

would be people who don't listen, join forces with people who don't think to shout down intelligent debate. Basically an advert for moderated forums.

Well said! And the "if you dont' agree, you're one of them" rhetoric.....

MySordidCakeSecret · 30/09/2015 14:22

it's not helpful to your sympathetic exploration of understanding peadophiles I understand..

I was just pointing out the risks that binging a peadophile into your house with your children may bring but of course that's not helpful either..

neither is pointing out that an active peadophile may well be well respected and professional... yes like rolf harris for example.

Booyaka · 30/09/2015 14:22

I have to say I tend to side with Lily. If you look up pro-paedophilia material you will see that the argument the OP made is very, very much inline with what pro materials say. It's part of a planned step-by-step, little by little process which is designed to 'soften up' people to think first as paedophiles as victims of their own urges which they want to develop into recognition of paedophilia as a recognised and normalised sexual orientation. I wouldn't be at all surprised if Lily was right. It's just far too close to the narrative that's already out there from people like PIE to feel like it's just a coincidence.

milkmilklemonade12 · 30/09/2015 14:23

The problem is how long does it remain just a sexual urge? How long before you need to satisfy it? Because a sexual urge is a sexual urge. It's a compulsion, and you can't always think straight.

I think for a lot of people who's attraction is to children; because they can't get adequate help or therapy without being criminalised, it quickly becomes unbearable.

I think if you committed abusers to a facility for life, with no possibility of release (Louis Theroux did a stint in the US at such a facility, it was very interesting and available on NetFlix), and countered that by offering proper help, with funded support groups and therapy including home visits so people couldn't be followed to centres and then targeted... I think more people would have a chance at life. Both the paedophiles, the abusers, and the victims.

deadwitchproject · 30/09/2015 14:23

Urgh this thread...

OP, YABU particularly for your statement here: I have said that whether you like it or not it is a sexual preference and in order to help people who are paedophiles exist without harming anyone we need to accept this.

and all the previous posters who were quick to agree with you ABU too.

Won't be surprised if this thread gets nixed.

CorbynsTopButton · 30/09/2015 14:24

If you look up pro-paedophilia material

Yeah, I'd rather not do that, thanks....

Raxacoricofallapatorius · 30/09/2015 14:24

He's never been in my children's bedroom. He's never been left alone with my children.

Childhoods are destroyed by the 'evil' child abusers.

My friend is not a child abuser.

I do not and never would put my children in danger.

I went to a wedding recently where my friend was also a guest. The difference at this wedding was that I knew one of the men there was a paedophile. My behaviour at that wedding was no different to my behaviour at a wedding where I know nothing about any of the other guests. My children are my concern regardless.

lilycabbagerocks · 30/09/2015 14:24

hairbrushed...

Nobody on here has suggested that anyone should be killed. I don't think you have read the thread.

We have had some very unhelpful posts on here, and some very strange individuals that require help definitely. It is Mumsnet it is a very unlikely place to be looking for sympathy for their plight of controlling abuse.

An intelligent discussion can not be held if the posters that you are discussing the subject with choose to minimise child abuse, the suffering and pain of children and blame society for the damage to the child and not the perpetrators. The discussion will naturally falter.

Now tell me how many mothers you know that would be comfortable with this?

MySordidCakeSecret · 30/09/2015 14:24

I agree Booyaka, very worrying.

Itsmine · 30/09/2015 14:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

milkmilklemonade12 · 30/09/2015 14:26

elendon they are born with it. They can't help it any more than I can help being attracted to men... And that is exactly why it is so dangerous, and why you can't just lock up an abuser for a few years and 'hope' that with a little bit of rehabilitation that it'll all go away. Because it won't, and reoffending is high. They need to be placed in a facility with no possibility of release.

Also agree that child porn is a horrendous crime; not only have children been abused horribly to make this; it's softening minds to the possibility of abusing in the future.

Hamiltoes · 30/09/2015 14:26

In the interests of continuing the discussion and ceasing the bunfight, i wonder just how common it is in society today? I don't think we will ever have accurate numbers until we get away from the "all paedophiles are child abusers" attitude.

This could go some way towards deciphering wether it is born, or something which is learned? I'm sure phsycologists agree that sexual tendancy is "learned or gained" at what, age 3-6? Would be interesting to find out if there were any occurnaces or experiences at this age that tended to differ from the "norm". A bit like the "daddy issues" theory.

Also interesting to compare that to history, for example roman times where it was seen (especially with young boys) as nothing to raise an eyebrow at. Or even here in this country, where marrying a 12/13 year old would not have been thought of as anything unnatural. We can't seriously suggest now that every man would consider engaging in sexual activity with a teenager in the present day, so I wonder if it is social? Or perhaps its just not as black and white as we'd like to think it is.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 30/09/2015 14:26

It's just far too close to the narrative that's already out there from people like PIE to feel like it's just a coincidence.

The important difference is that everyone on this thread believes that a child cannot give consent. And given that any sexual activity without consent is wrong it doesn't really matter whether paedophilia is a sexual orientation, or a deviancy or whatever. Acting on it will always be wrong because a child cannot consent.