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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to think being a paedophile isn't a crime?

999 replies

KissingFish · 30/09/2015 11:04

I see posts from people both on here and other places (Facebook) about how paedophiles should all be killed and confusing the terms paedophile and child molester / child abuser.

They're not the same thing and honestly I don't think being a paedophile is a crime. It is a sexual orientation that nobody chooses to be born with. The same way people are born straight or gay.

Just because someone is a paedophile it doesn't mean they have acted on it and so it doesn't mean they are a child molester.

Surely if we all accepted that paedophilia is a sexual orientation we could help these people before they commit a crime. Before they act on it. I bet there are a LOT more paedophiles out there than we know about. They just don't act on it because they know it's wrong to act on it.

I am of course not saying being sexually attracted to children is a good thing or that it should ever be OK to act on it. No way. Just that I don't think people choose to be a paedophile and it must be pretty scary to realise you are attracted to children. Much the same way it used to be about being gay. And I don't imagine you can just ask friends, family or many people actually for help and advice.

I think in order to deal with a problem you need to understand it first.

I am willing to be convinced otherwise though if anyone has a good argument?

Disclaimer: I am not a paedophile, I just don't believe they are all evil.

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 30/09/2015 14:08

Lily you are as frightening as anyone who could be possibly masquerading as a peodphile on here. Truly. Please try to get a grip, your rantings are becoming unbelievable and more and more deranged.

ghostyslovesheep · 30/09/2015 14:09

Lily if I was hysterical I could conclude you are trying to get people to prove they are mothers - how by posting pics of their kids?

See it isn't nice when people infer idiotic things from your posts

EnjoyTheSimpleThingsInLife · 30/09/2015 14:09

I haven't rtft but from the op and last few pages I am completely sickened. To me a paedophile and abuser are exactly the same.

How anyone could defend such disgusting scum is beyond me. I don't give a shit if they have actually harmed a child or not - just the thought of it is pure evil.

None of them (paedos, abusers whatever name you want to call it) have any right to be in our society.

Also, I totally disagree that you are born as a paedophile or it is a mental health illness. FFS some of you have no idea the absolute trauma that being abused does to you.

But it's ok, lets all invite peadophiles into our children's lives. Hmm

Raxacoricofallapatorius · 30/09/2015 14:10

To be frank, how do you know what is going on in my friend's head. I know he is a paedophile which puts me at a distinct advantage, does it not? You could very easily bump into him tomorrow. He's quite active in our local community. You would come away from your interaction with him thinking he's an interesting and kind individual. You'd be absolutely right too.

OfaFrenchmind2 · 30/09/2015 14:10

says society's view of abusers can make victims' suffering worse.
What would be the ideal 'Society view of the abusers' then?
Shall we sweep it under the rug, after all if we do not make the perpetrators appear like abusers of the worst kind, the victims will be fine, as shit happens sometimes, no harm done?
Or shall we validate the abused's feelings that something fundamentally wrong happened to them, and that the whole fault is on the abuser and never on the victims?
MMmhhh....

And I would like to mention that itsallgoingtobefine casually mentioned oral sex as one of the acts a paedophile may inflict on its victim, but still they are not abusers....
A paedophile is not defined as someone who sexually abuses a child, a paedophile is someone who is sexually attracted to a child. A paedophile would be very unlikely to have a sex with a child as it would hurt them, and as it would destroy their innocence. In the ideal world for a paedophile they would indulge in mutual masturbation and possibly oral sex, never penetrative sex. They want a mutually enjoyable and (to their eyes) consenting relationship. Of course, as with all sexual preferences there will be a small minority who do want to hurt/terrify/have power, but that in general is not a paedophile.

ghostyslovesheep · 30/09/2015 14:10

Yes you really haven't read the thread

Hamiltoes · 30/09/2015 14:10

Lily if I wanted to stoop to your level i'd merely reference the phrase "One doth protest to much" but alas, I find going around accusing MN users of being child absuers is crass Hmm

Do not come on to MN and seriously expect tolerance and understanding for child abuse. It is laughable so much as it is downright stupid.

I don't think anyone has, I think posters have been extremely clear in the difference between pedophiles and child abusers- which coincidentally was the point of the thread.

But you carry on foaming at the mouth.

lilycabbagerocks · 30/09/2015 14:11

Libraries, we agreed this some time ago in the thread, of course they need professional help, of course it is most certainly a disorder (a very damaging one to children) of course they need to given options like chemical castration and other medication to 'manage' their impulses so that no one gets hurt. but then sadly itwillbefine started coming out with the comment that he has, perhaps read them, and not surprisingly the discussion took a different pathway.

kali110 · 30/09/2015 14:11

How do you know anyone on here has been abused?
As i said the guy i watched had been abused ans set up a support group for blokeswith these feelings to stop them acting on it.
I think it is a mental illness.

Elendon · 30/09/2015 14:11

Gotta, exactly.

I've have done similar, but was always aware, never to leave him alone with the children.

Yes to the 'well respected, professional'. You couldn't make this up, or rather it is to be expected.

Anyone ever had a 'well respected, professional' animal abuser or necrophiliac to dinner?

'well respected, professional'. Hmm

lilycabbagerocks · 30/09/2015 14:13

Hamiltoes I don't wish to lower myself to respond to your post.

milkmilklemonade12 · 30/09/2015 14:13

I agree with the OP. I think it's a sexual orientation.

If for example, it were suddenly made illegal to like men; I wouldn't be able to stop myself. If you were to send me to prison for my new crime, when I came out; I wouldn't stop liking men either. I can't help it. It's born, not made.

And that's exactly why the problem needs to be tackled a different way. I actually don't think you can 'reform' a paedophile at all.

I think they need to be held in secure facilities for life. They will always be a danger to children, and to themselves because of that.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 30/09/2015 14:13

This will get me lynched, but is quite relevant to this thread

It is an episode of BrassEye alluded to earlier.

Elendon · 30/09/2015 14:13

Raxa, he may well be interesting but kind he is not. Sorry, and I say this as I have a relative on the sex offenders register (and I love him dearly).

Itsmine · 30/09/2015 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MySordidCakeSecret · 30/09/2015 14:14

what?! Raxacoricofallapatorius I'm sure he is very active, AND charming, becuase that's how a lot of them operate! that's how they get access to children, by befriending their parents and creating opportunities.

I would certainly not invite him for dinner, would you feel the same way about him if he wasn't professional and well respected? and do you watch him every minute he is in your house with your children?

Raxacoricofallapatorius · 30/09/2015 14:15

My friend isn't an abuser. He has abused nobody. He is well respected in the community. He is a professional. They're facts, not opinion.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 30/09/2015 14:15

You really couldn't lower yourself any more than you already have lily.

leedy · 30/09/2015 14:15

"one or 2 ott comments"

Well, the one where I was accused of being a male paedophile masquerading as a mother to get people to listen to that bastion of paedo propaganda, This American Life, was certainly a new one on me.

lilycabbagerocks · 30/09/2015 14:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OfaFrenchmind2 · 30/09/2015 14:16

Raxacoricofallapatorius so was Saville, before, you know....

Elendon · 30/09/2015 14:16

Itsall, you do know that programme was in response to the rumours re Saville?

Raxacoricofallapatorius · 30/09/2015 14:16

He would never, ever let himself be left alone with my children. I would never, ever leave him alone with my children.

I'll say it again.

He is not a child abuser.

Itsmine · 30/09/2015 14:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MySordidCakeSecret · 30/09/2015 14:17

oh sorry that's me told.. he's professional and respected.. wow what a man sorry I didn't realise.

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