Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

My Brothers one night stand & baby..

129 replies

MumOfOne14 · 28/09/2015 18:55

So my DS was born being the youngest of 3 cousins, I had a rough labour & an even rougher time BFing. Had my family to support me & it was great... Then my Bros one night stand shows up with baby in arms. It's hard to make this short but here goes... I was selfishly looking forward to my time being fussed as a first time mum, my DS being fussed for being the baby & first boy of the family & then the other one came along. My brother still lives at home & wants nothing to do with mother & baby. I know it's not little baby's fault & I feel for her I really do, but now the mum has been adopted into the family. She lives down the road & I live an hour away & since her arrival I've had maybe two visits off my parents in about 4months. It's all been one sided where I've had to drive down there. They take her & the baby for days out everywhere & have them over the house at least 4 times a week. I know I may be being a total bitch, but I'm feeling so left out & I know if I say too much to my parents they will be mad, "cos the poor mum hasn't got much & is on her own". I'm feeling so isolated from my family & every time I do go to visit she is always always there! I can't remember the last time I had a quiet moment with my mum. AIBU and a jealous bitch?? Please correct me if I am!!

OP posts:

Original poster

MumOfOne14 · 28/09/2015 20:26

Yeah I do need to talk to her. Me & my mum were best friends before all this happened & like you ostentatiousnreastfeeder I only hear from her now when needed!! And it seems to me & my sister that she gets jealous now if she feels she's missing out?!?!

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 28/09/2015 20:36

Who gets jealous?

When you speak to your mum, try to stick to the bare facts, otherwise you will get upset. If you're going to do it over the phone, make a list in advance of things you want to say.

Original poster

MumOfOne14 · 28/09/2015 20:42

The other mother gets jealous. Both me & my sister have noticed it. It's like she doesn't want to be left out either, but she's only been around for a few months?!? It is a little worrying, she has no boundaries.

OP posts:

FluffyMcnuffy · 28/09/2015 20:45

I was selfishly looking forward to my time being fussed as a first time mum, my DS being fussed for being the baby & first boy of the family & then the other one came along

How old are you? 12?

"The other one" , what a delightful way to refer to your niece!

Original poster

MumOfOne14 · 28/09/2015 20:54

If you read up fluffymcnuffy I apologised for saying that about my niece. And no I'm not 12, just from a close knit family that's all. Like I said mum, best friend, missing her, don't see her anymore... Pretty sure you don't have to be a child to want attention off your mum!!!!

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 28/09/2015 20:54

Oh come on, Fluffy. Yes, it's her niece but she didn't even know the mother until recently. You can't expect her to treat her right now as she would someone who'd been around for ages.

Starkswillriseagain · 28/09/2015 20:55

I don't think YABU. It sounds like you and your sibling are being shafted because your parents are overcompensating. Understandable, but they shouldn't be acting this way because if they continue they will be favouring one GC over the other and eventually the GC will realise it.

Your Parents need to get a clue and get tough with your arsehole of your brother. Stop making it so easy for him to live in their home and yet ignore his own DC.

You need to tell them how you are feeling, both you and your dsis do.

goawayalready · 28/09/2015 20:58

when i got pregnant with my ds it was my stbexh moms first biological grandchild we kind of expected her to go a bit GRANDMA about it all as her eldest had decided no children and her youngest (my ex) had been wrongly told he couldn't have children so she gets excited buys some stuff then her husband (stepdad) his son has a child just after ours and suddenly ours is a poor relative they named him the same as mine but the names were switched around she found out what things our son liked (fifi and the flowertots and in the night garden at the time) and bought his grandson toys to do with fifi in the night garden stuff everything my ds liked was bought wrapped lovingly and sent to canada (yes they lived a thousand miles away and still caused a rift) what made it worse is they refuse to call my ds by his name he is the bab or little one its been nearly 7 years and it still burns that they won't use his name

you should try talking if they make you feel guilty step away if they are as nice as you say they will notice and come running

TinklyLittleLaugh · 28/09/2015 21:03

Going against the grain a bit, but although your brother has been a bit of an idiot, he seems to be having a relationship he never wanted forced upon him. If the girl is round at your parents' house four times a week I'm not surprised he's hiding in his room.

If a girl got pregnant from a one night stand and wanted nothing to do with the father, but her parents invited the father around four times a week and took him on days out, everyone would be outraged.

I think your parents are being quite unreasonable.

Original poster

MumOfOne14 · 28/09/2015 21:05

Well he's my stepdad too, so my half brothers baby, which usually would mean nothing to me, but my stepdad doesn't ever ring at all about my DS & yet always finds time to take his biological GD out. Which I don't resent, I feel for her I really do. But when my DS is at a loss it breaks my heart. And my dick of a brother has been so sheltered all his life, has has EVERYTHING done for him & he does absolutely nothing in return! He's such a horrible person & always the victim even when he's had cars & consoles etc bought for him. They've turned him into an ungrateful spoilt little shit!!

OP posts:

Original poster

MumOfOne14 · 28/09/2015 21:07

I know tinkerlylittlaugh it was a bit crazy at first, but really they should just kick my Bro out. He's such a waste of space, he's already got another girl txting him saying she's had his baby!!! It's all crazy!!

OP posts:

Alanna1 · 28/09/2015 21:11

I think you need to talk to your parents and say you are feeling left out. But you also need to accept your DN is here to say.

goawayalready · 28/09/2015 21:16

he has had another baby?

two bricks should sort him out and he can still use his consoles

wannaBe · 28/09/2015 21:20

I don't think yabu at all. To put it in context, you had a baby and your family were excited and supportive, then a stranger shows up with a baby she claims to be from a one night stand she had with your brother and suddenly you have been sidelined with no notice. it's not even as if there was the duration of a pregnancy to get used to the idea of another baby and not only that, but this girl is making demands on your parents' time to the extent she is jealous if they spend time with their other gc. How certain are they that your brother is even the father?

You need to talk to your mum and explain how you feel, because actually, two cousins close in age could grow up together whereas at the moment it appears that one is being favoured over the other with no justification.

Senpai · 28/09/2015 21:21

Let's just be blunt here. In reality, the father would not be living on his own with the baby. The woman always gets the responsibility of raising the child whether they want it or not. If the father has the baby, there's usually much more going on than just him visiting with his baby. That's why everyone would be outraged if a man was always invited around, because there's just so many other factors going into it at that point than trying to just build a relationship with your grandchild. You can't just reverse the sexes in any given situation and expect the same dynamics to apply. It doesn't work like that, and it's disingenuous to pretend the sexes have equal power/responsibilities/expectations where reversing them would actually be an equally comparable situation.

Yes, they are inviting her around a lot, but it's also their grand child they need to build a relationship with as well and to do that they need a relationship with the mother.

YANBU for feeling your thunder has been stolen. But this is a new family member and they are playing catch up to try and establish just a fraction of the good relationship they've built with up with you over the years.

I would talk to your parents. Be honest about missing them. You haven't had any quality time, just you guys. They go out alone without you, they can go out alone without her. You need to bring her into the discussion. What they're doing really has nothing to do with her or your niece, it's their behavior that's upsetting, the other mother isn't putting a gun to their head and forcing you out.

Starkswillriseagain · 28/09/2015 21:21

You need to tell them how you feel OP but be prepared to be disappointed. They're probably also overcompensating if their poor parenting have given an ungrateful, spoilt deadbeat.

I wonder if the pp is on to something. Do you think they could be trying to pressure him into getting with her?

If another ONS and baby, your brother needs to get tested- seriously. Shaggingmultiples unprotected, he's lucky he just got someone pregnant and didn't catch something really nasty.

Starkswillriseagain · 28/09/2015 21:22

I do wonder, was your brother always the golden child and you and your Dsis very less favoured?

Senpai · 28/09/2015 21:23

Your don't* need to bring her into the discussion.

Original poster

MumOfOne14 · 28/09/2015 21:31

Yeah he denied it completely so my parents paid for a test, something they're not willing to do with this new girl. I'm fed up of my parents always making excuses for him, they always believe his lies, eg.. He "accidentally took drugs" & he lived with a girl "but they never had sex" etc.

OP posts:

Grazia1984 · 28/09/2015 21:31

I went back to work full time at 2 weeks. I suspect if you were back at full time work you would not be worrying about this kind of thing. Do consider it. It can be best for babies and helps ensure your financial future too.

whois · 28/09/2015 21:31

I don't think you're being U at all. I would be gitted of my close relationship with my mum was very suddenly disrupted by an 'interloper' with no warning. It's not like there was any time to get used to the mother being around and part of the family, just 'hiya here's a baby'.

I don't care if they are trying to overcompensate for your brother. That doesn't need to be at the expense of you.

Probably having a frank discussion with your mum is the only way to sort things out. She must know she is being unfair towards you. Invite her over, be flexible on dates and times so you make it as easy as possble and you can't be accused of being difficult.

Original poster

MumOfOne14 · 28/09/2015 21:32

I can't say he was the golden child because he's never really done anything to be proud of Tbh. But they've always made excuses for every mistake he's made!!!

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 28/09/2015 21:35

Golden children don't have to do anything to warrant praise. They just need to exist. Their goldenness starts at a very, very early age, long before they can do anything to deserve it.

Original poster

MumOfOne14 · 28/09/2015 21:35

Shut up grazia!! I assume ur being sarcastic... I don't need to work full time & if I did how would that affect the way I feel about my mother?!?

OP posts:

Original poster

MumOfOne14 · 28/09/2015 21:37

Then yeah, he's the golden boy, completely innocent & always the victim. Bloody shit!!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6