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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Kate Middleton

573 replies

WILKO9 · 27/09/2015 13:13

AIBU to find Kate Middleton really annoying ? It's probably just me but I find her so smug. Anyway feel much better for getting that off my chest !!!

OP posts:
annielouise · 28/09/2015 11:30

TheIncomparable - I wouldn't want a DD of mine to just marry for money. The role of women won't change if everyone wants to do that. Trying to have what both ways? She's married into the royal family. I expected more of her. Why wouldn't I when her role is to serve the country. It comes with the role that she wanted. She can't have it both ways.

Yes, earning your own money is very fulfilling. Bizarre that you don't think so!

TheIncomparableDejahThoris · 28/09/2015 11:36

Sidestep the issue? She chose to marry him knowing that that role included serving the country, which she isn't yet. To say they'd prefer to spend time with their young family is sidestepping the issue. They don't have a choice to do nothing. It's their duty to serve the country! She can't choose to be a SAHM forever, no matter how rich they are. At some point she's going to have to work.

Well I asked you to look at the Duke of York and I pointed out he doesn't have small children. You returned with some other members who have many engagements and also have no children.

It's sidestepping. She has young children, nasty pregnancies, and frankly, no-one has shown me the statute that says the wife of the second in line to the throne has to attend x fundraising events per week or to "serve her country".

She may take a greater role in charity fundraising having her latest dress featured in the lower right hand corner of the Daily Mail's front page later. She may decide she'd rather set up some direct debits to them instead.

annielouise · 28/09/2015 11:38

Yes, but before she had kids she did fuck all then. Look at the link someone posted above - it's part of their stated duty to serve. Dear me. Direct debits, what on earth you on about? If she wants respect then she has to do more than she's doing for the country.

TheIncomparableDejahThoris · 28/09/2015 11:43

Diana (and presumably Charles) called him Wills. Family nickname.

Yes, earning your own money is very fulfilling. Bizarre that you don't think so!

You have a career, not a job, don't you.

Scremersford · 28/09/2015 11:46

TheIncomparable And now onto the other point. Oh, the joys of earning your own pittance. Yes, across the country men and women on zero hours contracts are saying to themselves, "at least I'm not a rich man's spouse and I work for my own money". The working poor trudge down to Brighthouse to replace their washing machines at hugely inflated prices (due to lack of cashflow) and they take glorious amounts of pleasure in saying "that's my money that I earned going out in the direct debit. I'm so glad I didn't marry rich."

Well, many of us studied hard at school to get out of poor backgrounds, went to uni, got jobs and actually although we often felt like staying in bed in the morning, got ourselves up and achieved things at work we're rather proud of actually. I'm certainly a much more outgoing person for the experience too.

"Earning your own money is so extraordinarily fulfilling, isn't it? I have paroxysms of delight every Monday," they say to each other at break times.

It is fulfilling in that you can turn round to that annoying divorced old goat who has been pestering you for a date and tell him to get lost, yes. You can do that because you aren't financially reliant on him. You can do that because one day you might just earn more money than him and have a nicer house than him. We're not all at the bottom of the pile. Many women have very good jobs.

annielouise · 28/09/2015 11:46

It's imperative in most cases that women from all walks of life are financially independent. You're some throwback if you don't realise that. Women need to maintain financial independence as much as possible to safeguard themselves. How many come on here in sticky situations where they have left it too long to go back into the workforce?

Apart from that what rich man is going to want someone stuck in a dead end job? You live in lala land if you think a rich man that you so want is going to look at a women working in Tesco! Not impossible but very unlikely. So the more education you get and the better career you have the more chance you'll mix with those rich men that you think women want!

redstrawberry10 · 28/09/2015 11:52

I find it odd condemning a person for not earning her keep in the RF, when that's what the RF is about.

Maximise wealth and minimise work. As far I can tell, she is filling the shoes fine.

pinkfrocks · 28/09/2015 11:56

If she wants respect then she has to do more than she's doing for the country

Has she asked for 'respect'- whatever that means?

I know some of this may seem hard for some people to understand, but she doesn't have to earn respect - or anything, for that matter.

You may not approve of the monarchy but apart from Charles who started the Prince's Trust, and Philip who does the Duke of Ed scheme, none has left a legacy- except children.
That's their role. Like it - or lump it and demand their heads.

redstrawberry10 · 28/09/2015 11:58

That's their role. Like it - or lump it and demand their heads.

exactly. I am mystified by people who think that work has anything to do with the RF.

annielouise · 28/09/2015 11:58

Yes, she does pinkfrocks, unfortunately. They must all be respected if they're to survive. Look what happened when the Queen didn't put the flag at half-mast when Diana died - there was a public outcry. They can't push things too far. If they do they risk a public response. Hard as that might be for you to understand.

Dachshund · 28/09/2015 11:59

I appreciate that the thread has moved on somewhat but onedirection coo-ee! I'm as working class as they come, yet I studied History of Art at a Russell Group uni, and guess what, the friends I made on that course were for the most part working class/lower middle class too. Surprise surprise we wanted to become museum curators (and many of us did).

I don't envy Catherine any more than I envy any privileged, white, middle class person who hasn't had to struggle. There's a lot of them kicking around on this board as it happens, or their parents anyway.

If I were in her shoes I would also make it my job to be as bland and inoffensive as possible. She's damned either way isn't she!

Whatever your personal thoughts on her, the spirit of this thread is mean-spirited, but it has been an eye opening read. More dreadful snobs on here than I thought. Isn't mumsnet supposed to be full of rad-fem lefties?!

annielouise · 28/09/2015 12:00

I'm mystified by people that don't think they need to work. As someone linked upthread that's part of their role. See the link that says "here".

ihatethecold · 28/09/2015 12:06

My DH is in royalty protection.
He has such a soft spot for the children. Has lovely little chats with George.
He said the nanny is doing a great job!

redstrawberry10 · 28/09/2015 12:13

They must all be respected if they're to survive.

well of course. They can't be seen to do absolutely nothing or we might all wake up to this scam. They will do as little as they can to keep the wealth and privilege they have.

Suckers we are.

TheIncomparableDejahThoris · 28/09/2015 12:13

Direct debits, what on earth you on about?

Definitely a career! Grin

Well, many of us studied hard at school to get out of poor backgrounds, went to uni, got jobs and actually although we often felt like staying in bed in the morning, got ourselves up and achieved things at work we're rather proud of actually. I'm certainly a much more outgoing person for the experience too.

In graduate employment, achieves things at work.

Career.

It's imperative in most cases that women from all walks of life are financially independent

Ah, at last! Precise terminology! It's the financial freedom and independence that is fulfilling.

What you are both doing is equivocating. "Financial independence" with "employment" and "fulfilling employment" with "earning your own money" and probably many others I haven't spotted.

I doubt very much you would find yourselves miserable if you were living on the proceeds of some very well invested shares years back, or the interest of an inheritance, and having to fill your days reading, using MN or volunteering.

Because paid work is not fulfilling, simply by dint of being paid. And you don't believe it is. Look how many posts it was before one of you stooped to sneer at people working in Tesco.

So the more education you get and the better career you have the more chance you'll mix with those rich men that you think women want!

Scroll up and count how many times you've said you want to be the duchess of Cambridge, please. After that, reread that link. It says, "all these roles The Sovereign is supported by members of their immediate family."

Catherine is her grandson's wife. I think "immediate" is stretching it a bit here.

TheIncomparableDejahThoris · 28/09/2015 12:17

I've got my bingo card out by the way.

If someone says "I'm poor! We have a combined income of 70,000 and you can't run a four-bed house on that in the south east" I'll have a line.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 28/09/2015 12:23

Catherine is her grandson's wife. I think "immediate" is stretching it a bit here.

Don't be silly - she is married to the heir to the throne (post Charles).

It's accepted that they are "immediate family" or they wouldn't attend state occasions etc. if it is the case that they are not immediate family, then let's dispense with the royal protection etc and why on earth are they going on royal tours? By your analysis, they're a pair of randoms

On a personal level, I view my DH's grandparents as immediate family and think it's a bit sad not to.

annielouise · 28/09/2015 12:25

I didn't sneer at anyone working at Tesco. I've worked in supermarkets myself.

Haha, well-invested shares years back? What class are you from? What leg up did daddy give you? Because it surely wasn't mummy with your views.

Financial independence for most will come from work, not well-invested shares. Well-invested shares have to come from somewhere - i.e. work, whether that was your own or your father's or your ex-husband's. You;re like some 1950s housewife. I struggle to get where you're coming from.

I'd be bored personally doing what you suggest, living off well-invested shares. What percentage of the population manage to do that I wonder? Very few.

No, I don't want to be Kate, haha. If I wanted that or something close I'd have pursued it. Instead I sought to look after myself, which was hard won by the way. No family help, dysfunctional background in fact, no university or inheritance or leg up of any kind. I worked my way up without a degree and only got a degree in recent years.

A lot can't do that for whatever reason but the solution to women is not nab a fucking rich man, which it seems to be in your deluded view. Your views are unobtainable to most and even if possible would set women back hundreds of years. Nab a rich man because you're poor when everyone else is saying education is the key. Strange.

She's "immediate" as she's in line to be queen. Christ, it's hard work. I can't reason with someone that thinks life is like fucking Pretty Woman and a rich man is coming along for you. You're antiquated.

Scremersford · 28/09/2015 12:27

TheIncomparable What you are both doing is equivocating. "Financial independence" with "employment" and "fulfilling employment" with "earning your own money" and probably many others I haven't spotted.

No, I'm not. You have assumed that. I'm certainly aware that some people have "independent means". I actually know quite a few sons and daughters of what I would term as "locally wealthy businesspeople" ie not the sort to send their children to uni in the hope of meeting an earl but more the sort to keep them at home, fund their hobbies and hope they meet a similar son or daughter of friends, so they can graduate to a nice little house funded by both sets of parents and do a little part time work in the family business. In reality, what tends to happen is that the spoilt brats lose the family business, mortgage the house, split up and the daughter has to move back home with the ageing parents and try to find a divorcee that's managed to hang onto a house. I've known a couple of this type turn to crime to try and fund their lifestyle, being convicted of fraud. The problem seems to be that never mind employment, they have never developed many life skills.

I doubt very much you would find yourselves miserable if you were living on the proceeds of some very well invested shares years back, or the interest of an inheritance, and having to fill your days reading, using MN or volunteering.

Probably not but it is rather unfulfilling. The more successful ones I know in that position still went to uni with their peers, worked for a good 10 or 20 years and some got so into the swing of it, they continued working, while others retired early. I have to say that now I'm on ML, reading mumsnet is a really bad habit and if that's all I'd spent my life doing, I would consider it wasted. The discipline, the routine of working can be very fulfilling in itself.

Because paid work is not fulfilling, simply by dint of being paid. And you don't believe it is. Look how many posts it was before one of you stooped to sneer at people working in Tesco.

Now there you are wrong. I've travelled all over the world and met so many interesting people due to my career. I've felt really fulfilled when I've had an article published, it gives you a sort of glowing feeling when you have achieved something difficult by yourself. I've also worked in a supermarket as a checkout operator, when I was still at school, and it wasn't the worst job. I was pretty useless at that age, with that little experience of the world, and I can actually look back at the people you sneer at and admire their organisation, their management skills, the whole set up for what it was, and dealing with people like me who had never worked before! Definitely not something to sneer at although I went on to earn much more money and have much more responsibility.

TheIncomparableDejahThoris · 28/09/2015 12:30

Okay, if you want me to be brutal about it, which I was in fact avoiding, I think that as things go, it's quite unusual to even meet your partner's grandparents. Never mind get to know them. My husband never met mine, on account of them having passed away, and ime this is not unusual.

Prince Andrew is an immediate family member, hint, hint

squoosh · 28/09/2015 12:34

But you can't compare an average family setup to the Windsors. The Family is the whole point of the lot of them.

Queen is the mother, grandmother, boss, and Don.

annielouise · 28/09/2015 12:38

What's the weird hint, hint about Andrew? His number of engagements wasn't the worst and he's not in line to the throne anyway Confused

Scremersford · 28/09/2015 12:49

I've always wondered why Kate didn't simply target a rich banker or earl or similar? And then I thought that its probably easier to get in with the Royal circle as they're not quite as exclusive, not quite as closed to incomers due to being used to publicity for years, having to maintain a public image, as some sectors of society. And possibly also she had a dream of marrying a prince of course.

The whole Middleton family seem very picky when it comes to marriage. The brother has dumped Donna Air, who whatever you might think of her, is a genuinely nice and decent person. But maybe not fitting in with the Middleton image. I can't fathom Pippa. She seems admirably focussed, but has achieved little of any great note, although much of it seems quite interesting. A rich banker, possibly moving abroad somewhere like Switzerland, would probably provide a very pleasant lifestyle, but far removed from the aristocratic circles she previously moved in. And maybe less fun.

Did no-one fancy a Northumberland then?

EponasWildDaughter · 28/09/2015 12:55

But you can't compare an average family setup to the Windsors. ... Queen is the mother, grandmother, boss, and Don.

Yep. I bet not many MNers here are obliged to travel to their Grandmother in law's and be in cheerful attendance EVERY xmas, as Kate is.

Naturally enough mind you. Being The Queen Of England is a pretty good excuse for expecting your whole family to snap to it at her's every year Grin

TheIncomparableDejahThoris · 28/09/2015 13:17

Scremersford

Interesting observations about rich people losing their money aside, yes, it is equivocation.

It was claimed that "earning your own money" is fulfilling and more fulfilling that being a lady-who-lunches could be. I am going to be really direct, at this point, because it isn't getting through otherwise. Working as a sex-worker is "earning your own money"!

So, don't be so ridiculous. There are a great many people in this country who are "earning their own money" and they are struggling to afford shoes for their children, panicking about healthy meals, and it's a disaster when the cooker packs up. Beyond our shores, there are people drowning to get here from places where what annie calls a "dead-end job" and panicking about the electricity prepayment meter constitutes unimaginable bliss.

There are [http://www.waronwant.org/sweatshops-bangladesh women earning their own money]] in other countries.

Why is it so terrible to point out that marrying a well-off aristocrat and having a nice house, children and money without public engagements sounds better than being a Cambridge?

I can actually look back at the people you sneer at and admire their organisation, their management skills

Who do you think I'm sneering at? The employees? No. The lengths which supermarkets pursue to ensure employment costs are cut? Yes. I thought, for example, Workfare and the involvement of various leading retailers was fairly well-covered in the media and on sites such as mumsnet?

Then there's how much supermarkets pay our farmers.

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