AIBU to bite her face?

[WyldChyld]

I will start by saying that I LOVE my DP (darling person, that is). She and ODP (other darling person) rescued me, cleaned me up and feed me far more than is good for me. DP is also very squishy and round soft and I like very much to knead her and sink my lovely claws into her flab skin.

I have noticed, however, that she does not seem to appreciate this and keeps showing me that her belly is all covered in red pinpricks and scratches. I personally think this makes her look very interesting and distinguished, and a little bit like a leopard who I am obviously related to distantly. She particularly dislikes this at nighttime when she is in the lovely squishy bed that I like to take up lots of.

Anyway, when I knead her at nighttime, she hides under the duvet and damnit, I want cuddles! I don't care that it is 3am and she is getting up in 3 hours, I need love now!! So I normally then decide to bite her nose / chin / finger / engagement ring / ear /whatever is poking out of the duvet. She says that apparently IABU - well, I couldn't believe my ears!

Cats of Catsnet, back me up here. Any suggestions for how I can bring her terrible behaviour back in line? I don't want to have to resort to the water pistol (no opposable thumbs)

WyldCat

Well! After all that, I am devastated. I tried one of the ingenious methods of scratching the nice carpet and the meanie squirted me with a water pistol! I mean, yes, it happened last time too, but really! My lovely coat is all soggy and I'm devastated that she would abuse my gift like that. Heartbroken WyldCat

Look kid, if she's not taking the carrot, you need to bring out the stick.

You've tried to show her your love, she refused. Start gathering some mice and birds and leaving them at her feet as a warning. If she's too thick for that, pee on the bed to let her know who's boss. She'll get the picture.

I've only read the first couple of pages of this thread, and the last one.

Thank you WyldCat for speaking out for all misunderstood cats of this world. My dopey companion (who does dole out quite a lot of tasty food so I don't have to hunt tooo hard) does seem to get dreadfully upset when I shred toilet rolls.

I say 'It's only a bit of fun love - where's the harm??' She, however, gets really cross and harumphs about the place saying 'That is the last time you get to shred another f loo roll you stupid cat'

Aibu to fall asleep on the small humans bed, she wants to change the bedding but knows I will bite her if she tries. Mwa ha ha ha ha.

Reallycat here, my DP has been increasingly selfish lately, bringing puppies into the house, having a full time job, not cuddling me enough whilst she's brushing her teeth. So I took tough measures. While she was cleaning my litter tray I did a massive pee next to her that took her ages to clean up!
If anyone wants to know, it backfired! I was kicked out of my room and then she had the cheek to ban me from the bathroom at bath time. This is our best time for alone time without thise godforsaken puppies getting in the way.
I recommend scratching feet that come out from the duvet at night time or destroying scratching the furniture at night.

To all of those cats recommending bringing in dead beasties - I'm scared of them! Any recommendations on how I can get over my phobia? I think this is the only way forward :(

Lol at this thread!

Bore off MrsJamie and the rest of the killjoys innocent question my arse

Yadnbu OP. We are Patiencecats and we like to lie and stretch out on our DPs all night making them unbearably hot and unable to move (they don't like to disturb us). We then sometimes like to fight each other at 3am on the bed so that our DPs wake up with hearts pounding - keeps them on their toes you see.

aw, I want a cat now

Sorry op that your thread was crashed by a lot of human trolls posters when it is clearly catsnet.

Apparently, it's considered bad for to claw the male human's copy of Private Eye to shreds on the crossword page before he's actually completed the crossword. I thought that's what the crossword was for. I'm only trying to help. He now hides Private Eye under other magazines, none of which I have any interest in. That's bad for, as far as I'm concerned.

LilacFluffyCat

wyldcat. You need to jump in at the deep end. One of my friends started with a chicken. She did eat a bit first but there was plenty left for the dps. She knows her own dps like chicken because they eat it. So my friend went and brought one home. She said she found hers in a neighbours kitchen. But to be careful, she managed to leave some of the nice crispy skin on the neighbours window sill, and the wings got caught in her own cat flap, which must be the only reason they didn't tuck in as normal.

Can't help you on dead rodents though, my sister just kills them outright and eats them, so the only dead thing I bring in is when it's part of her leftovers. Live uninjured ones I just pretend are my more usual quarry, like inanimate objects. I think I'm secretly scared because once I get them home I usually sit on the furniture and watch the dp catch them.

You are right to be wary of birds I have heard they are related to dinosaurs. They are particularly evil and flap their wings and laugh at me through the window.

Although rodents can be a bit scary, there is nothing that beats the pleasure of hearing soft one squeal when she steps on a wet squishy dead one. If that doesn't inspire you, imagine the pleasure of watching your humans trying to catch a live one from under the sofa. It usually takes them hours.

Silvermog.

I know this has been explained to death, but perhaps if I say it in "Canadian" (as it is my mother tongue) maybe, just maybe Jamie will understand.

AIBU is frequently (and perhaps over-) used by people in crisis, or ones who want/need traffic or quick answers and as such has morphed into a very intense place, full of high emotion and individuals in desperate need of either gentle but firm guidance, or very clear legitimate support. It is well known this particular forum gets more traffic than all others - and has posters from all racial, religious and socio-economic groups. Hey, they even let me come here, and I am Canadian, sorry.

Every once in a while, someone with a fabulous sense of humour pops in and offers a bit of levity, sometimes by posting a lighthearted thread (which, apparently, they must still identify with the addition of "lighthearted" in the title, lest they be annihilated by the humour impaired) or one posted in first person, but through the eyes of a pet or a child. Even with the "lighthearted" disclaimer or obvious levity, they are bound to be confronted by the social justice warriors, or the I don't get it, but instead of not posting to tell everyone that I can't grasp humour and moving to another thread that is less puzzling to me, I must post repeatedly about how this thread makes no sense, how those who are posting in it must desperately want to hear again and again about how I can't grasp it, and repeatedly engage despite the fact I am neither contributing to the thread in a productive way, nor joining in a bit of truly harmless fun in a world that can really use a chuckle from time to time nation.

Hope that helps... I would post more, but CallMeCockatoo is trying to grab my phone. I sure hope he won't post... he know a lot of my secrets and I am mildly peeved at him, he may just spill them

Maybe she really didn't get it. We all have that one slow friend that laughs last at every joke.

But I do think it was pretty clear from her first post the context was "Why do people make posts like these when I think they're stupid?". In the same way you'd mutter "I don't understand why people don't use their damn turn signals..."

You'd think being a parenting site, you'd have a collection of people who valued a good imagination and creativity

silvermog may I recommend under book shelves or similar instead? My dp is quite adept at catching them now, but when you let rodents go under fridge freezers or bookshelves it provides hours of entertainment. So funny to watch her try and find something to try and poke the rodent out with, whilst also trying to hold a box to catch it with.

Right, here is how to really make certain your minion will keep you company in best part of night ( bit perplexing though as they don't seem much for hunting or howling at the moon) Simply curl up in the tub, behind the shower curtain, Minion will stumble to her flushly litter tray for wee soon enough, once she is seated....LEAP FROM BEHIND CURTAIN ONTO HER LAP! Minion will stay awake with you for hours....

You are welcome. #catnipshouldbefree....Silvercat

My person blames me for her black eye. It was 6am and she needed to get up and put more food in my bowl because I was bored with the stuff she left overnight.

So I prodded her in the eye. All right, so I might have left my claws out. One of them might have got caught in the delicate skin under her eyelid and my paw might have actually had to have been removed by hand.

There was no need for her to scream, push me off the bed and shout at me to fuck off.

She's picked off the dried blood and covered the bruise quite well with make up.