AIBU to bite her face?

[WyldChyld]

I will start by saying that I LOVE my DP (darling person, that is). She and ODP (other darling person) rescued me, cleaned me up and feed me far more than is good for me. DP is also very squishy and round soft and I like very much to knead her and sink my lovely claws into her flab skin.

I have noticed, however, that she does not seem to appreciate this and keeps showing me that her belly is all covered in red pinpricks and scratches. I personally think this makes her look very interesting and distinguished, and a little bit like a leopard who I am obviously related to distantly. She particularly dislikes this at nighttime when she is in the lovely squishy bed that I like to take up lots of.

Anyway, when I knead her at nighttime, she hides under the duvet and damnit, I want cuddles! I don't care that it is 3am and she is getting up in 3 hours, I need love now!! So I normally then decide to bite her nose / chin / finger / engagement ring / ear /whatever is poking out of the duvet. She says that apparently IABU - well, I couldn't believe my ears!

Cats of Catsnet, back me up here. Any suggestions for how I can bring her terrible behaviour back in line? I don't want to have to resort to the water pistol (no opposable thumbs)

WyldCat

Why not try strolling out of the back door, racing round to the front of the house, then loudly crying to be let in as if you are being chased by a scary cat-eating monster.

Repeat until you no longer find amusing... in many years to come

Well I think the OP's a troll and not a cat at all.

when I read a thread I don't get, I just go back to the menu without posting

Honey cheers kid, .

I've lost my mn humour of late.

Sorry OP.

WyldChyld - it was dcat's habit of biting us if he wanted more stroking/less stroking/different stroking/food that has earned him the nickname CatBastard!!

Half the fun of AIBU used to be spotting the spoof threads. Not troll threads, but spoof threads, set up to entertain. Completely ruined by this thing about putting 'lighthearted' in the thread title.

And OPCat, yanbu at all.

Hiding under bed and waiting for her to go to the loo at 3 a.m. before attacking her bare ankles has proved efficacious.

x AlpacaCat

Oh jeez its a bit of fun I understand the I don't get posts like this fine but many people often find them quite funny. I'm not a cat person but I quite like the humour in the writing style. If you don't like a post just don't post yourself what's the point! As for you autumn your post has actually made me angry! Would you for instance say if I ever start writing these sell me in to slavery - know of course you wouldn't because you know slaves were badly treated and that kind of language is thought of as racist. Yet it's ok to jibe mental illness! Hope you never experience any sort of prejudice!

Any way wyldcat maybe your DP would appricate it if you spent the early hours finding presents for her, I hear those human persons love mice especially dead ones! She'll soon give you love at 3 am if the altertive is presents!

SanDiego, happens to the best of us. Gin is the way forward :)

SDTG - CatBastard may have a long lost brother! His is very much a "damnit, give me love!" kind of bite.

*i wont apologise for not getting these threads, for some it may be light hearted, but for me, I just do not "get" them.

If I am a "bitch plopper" hmm then so be it. I still do not understand the point of these threads."

While your not unreasonable for not getting these threads you are for posting on them just have a go at the OP. Does there have to be a point to something humorous? Does everything have to be serious all the time?! It might not be your humour but your humour might not be mine or the ops! We're all different it is allowed!

Even better than dead mice, in my experience, is half a dead mouse. Front end or back, it matters not, humans love waking up to half a dead mouse.

LilacGreyCat.

WyldCat here again - thanks for the suggestions! Catching beasties is unfortunately a no-go as I am frightened of everything including mice. I could may catch the wooden butterfly which is sat on the coffee table and bring that upstairs? Do you think that would be okay?

And Alpaca, I'm a LoverCat, not a FighterCat. I much prefer waiting til she is sat on the loo, half asleep, before catapulting myself onto her knee so a cuddle. Bonus points if I can make her jump, meaning I dig all my claws in and run away. Such a good game

What's not to get......the op's owner is BVU

Op......go puke on the carpet, that will teach them for being an arsehole

One of the Alpacats once proudly stalked, and 'killed' a leftover vol-au-vont (sp?)

Ah, the toilet. My favourite place for laptime too. They're at their most vulnerable then, aren't they?

LilacFluffyCat.

No, I have not had a "pop" at the OP, for stating I have not understood the point of these threads.

Its not having a point! its just not getting a thread... That does not mean that your having a pop at the threads!

Oh what a shame your thread was spoilt! It could have been a really fun one. Some people just aren't in the mood, clearly, but no need for snippy comments, just click away.

One of the Lilac cats from childhood stalked, killed and brought home an uncooked sausage. Cat was discovered behind the sofa, growling at the sausage.

If you don't get a thread msjamie don't post! Simple! Then it won't look like your having a go at the op!

I find a loud demanding miaow at 3am very effective. Being a bit short-sighted and elderly, this works a treat. My humans get up and check waterbowl is not empty or shut behind a closed door. I then wander into bedroom, find lovely space on bed, then they have to squeeze in beside me taking up as little room as possible to avoid disturbing me.

Another tip is to accept a soft and gentle fuss, until they are really relaxed and then bite. It works everytime. Good luck.

Silvermog

Hi FenceCat here,

Have you tried drooling all over your DP, acting like it is the best cuddle in the world then savagely biting their arm to shit? That's my favourite. Afterwards, I like to saunter off towards my food bowl with my fat paunch swinging to and fro.

Or sitting on their faces at 3am?

Sat watching WyldCat try and kill, maim and disembowel his own tail! AlpacaCat, LilacCat, Wyldcat looks up to your hunting prowess with great envy and hopes one day he is that impressive!

Also, thanks Jux, it's annoying when there is a constant "eh, that's stupid, why would you say something so stupid". Rather like being back at school.

so what your saying is because you dont understand a post, it means you should not ask about you not understanding these type of posts to get a better clarification about them.

Oh well if only the world was so simple minded