AIBU to bite her face?

[WyldChyld]

I will start by saying that I LOVE my DP (darling person, that is). She and ODP (other darling person) rescued me, cleaned me up and feed me far more than is good for me. DP is also very squishy and round soft and I like very much to knead her and sink my lovely claws into her flab skin.

I have noticed, however, that she does not seem to appreciate this and keeps showing me that her belly is all covered in red pinpricks and scratches. I personally think this makes her look very interesting and distinguished, and a little bit like a leopard who I am obviously related to distantly. She particularly dislikes this at nighttime when she is in the lovely squishy bed that I like to take up lots of.

Anyway, when I knead her at nighttime, she hides under the duvet and damnit, I want cuddles! I don't care that it is 3am and she is getting up in 3 hours, I need love now!! So I normally then decide to bite her nose / chin / finger / engagement ring / ear /whatever is poking out of the duvet. She says that apparently IABU - well, I couldn't believe my ears!

Cats of Catsnet, back me up here. Any suggestions for how I can bring her terrible behaviour back in line? I don't want to have to resort to the water pistol (no opposable thumbs)

WyldCat

FenceCat, I am working very hard on my swinging paunch! In fact, I keep yowling and looking pathetic in the hopes that DP will forget that she already gave me breakfast (as did ODP but shhhh!), lunch (which I don't normally get) and an early dinner. If this continues, I might even get 2 breakfasts, lunch, 2 dinners and a supper!

Actually talking of vomit, my DP went out last night and I missed my cuddle time. So I puked up the stairs, hitting six steps and the wall. Personal best.

Me too Alpaca.

My DPs made a bloody chart! A chart ffs! That they bloody tick when I've had a pouch. Clever sneaky devils.

MsJamieFraser

WyldChyld thanks for starting a fun thread without putting lighthearted in the title. AIBU doesn't seem to appreciate humour, next some misery guts pedant type will tell you that you can only post about cats in the litter tray and report you to MNHQ for setting off their fear of cats.

FenceCat, shhh!! I'm terrified that DP will see your post and think it is rather an excellent idea. However, she is very much a soft touch and can't cope with my yowling so maybe I'd be okay...

Green - ailurophobia ;)

sorry are you MN posting police?

one opinion against another, no right or wrong, its never wrong to ask a question in not understanding a post!.

I've told my humans that the pouches are smaller than were when I was young. The softer cuddlier one now believes this to be true and sneaks me an extra pouch whilst the one, who I bite when he is doing floor sit-ups, is not looking.

Silvermog.

Oh dear...

Silvermog - I am convinced the food evaporates between the portion that DP and ODP measure out and the food that reaches my stomach. I am highly concerned about the evaporatory effect and protest this rapidly. Also, you are very correct and pouches are shrinking. It is a terrifying phenomenon which affects all of catkind

Jamie ODFOD. Let me know if you need that explaining.

you weren't just innocently asking a question though we're you, you amongst others were pissing on everyone's chips.
FFS it doesn't matter if you don't get something, you don't have to, its a difference in humour - not rocket science.

TwickerCatsays 5.30 is the best time to put your paw in the humans mouth. They love it.

I have to stay at the vets hotel (because I am quite frail) when humans are away, they told soft human that half a pouch morning, half a pouch evening should be sufficient for a lazy sedentary fellow.

Seriously concerned vets may have purchased their qualifications online. Fortunately after 13 years human has been totally brainwashed listens to me and ignores their shocking misinformation.

TwickerCat, I like that idea! ODP sleeps with his mouth open, I could very easily stick my paw in there...

I was just asking an innocent question tho!, hence why I stated in my first post, that I didn't understand these type of posts! with a confused icon.

but as per the MN weekend crew, its always the same passive aggressive behaviour. who try to make more of nothing, more than it is... bless ya!

Eek! Don't trust vets! My humans took me to see one who did something unmentionable to my unmentionables.

OP, you need to vomit into their slippers. It's the only way they'll learn.

Yanbu. Let me share my dp owning tips. Hunt feet, by sticking your paw under the duvet. A particularly good method is to get on top of the wardrobe, and then dive onto their head. This works particularly well just as they're dozing off. Once woken mine also enjoys something I've hunted and maimed, such as her earphones, being presented to her.
I was going to suggest my fail safe, bring home a completely unharmed rodent and release it. This not only ensures they will be awake in the early hours, but provides endless amusement while you sit in the warm spot they've vacated and watch them try and capture it.

Shame you don't have a sibling, mine catches, kills and eats things. But is a bit careless as she tends to leave bits of offal or the odd wing by the food bowl or in the garden. Being a fearless hunter myself, I then carry them inside and 'kill' them. My owner particularly enjoyed a rats head being smeared around the bedroom the other week.

MrsJamie - if you don't 'get' a thread, why not just click onto another one? You don't have to comment on a post, or even give it head-space, if you don't enjoy it/find it interesting/whatever. I've clicked on threads, read the first post/first few posts, and thought "meh, not funny/interesting" and clicked away again.

Having a genuine question about the subject of the thread is very different, IMO, to "I don't find this funny/understand the humour so I will post a 'question' to show how dumb I think this sort of thread is". The former is sensible, the latter is passive-aggressive snootiness.

Hi Wyldcat, my advice would be to try knocking things off the bedside table at random. Phone, alarm clock, glasses of water, all good options. If the water can go onto the phone, even better. Your DP will soon be awake and then you can demand a cuddle. Failing that, loud meowing and sprinting around the house for no good reason go down well. Or shitting on the duvet. Good luck!

Regards, curiouscats

WyldCat, what you need to do is get your dp a dog. A big dumb smelly dog. A seven stone behemoth whose farts can stop a rugby team in their tracks. And make sure he likes to lie on their laps for cuddles.

Compared to him you will be a delightful breath of fresh air.

Sincerely, WeirdCat.

(Disclaimer, I do actually like our BigDumbDog because when the neighbourhood BullyingBastadCat tried to attack me in my own garden WeirdCatLady let the dog out into said garden. BullyingBastardCat hasn't been back since. BigDumbDog only wanted to play and say Hello but we didn't tell BullyingBastardCat that )

I've never questioned humour, Ive only questioned the thread in general. I could click on another thread, however I do find this thread interesting, ihence why I posted on this thread in asking why?!

I just dont get these type of threads, why would an individual speak in 1st person of an animal.

There is no malice in my questing etc... my questions are relating to this thread, I am just generally curious as to why another person also said upthread why pretend your a cat in the 1st person.

Cat friends, I am eagerly taking notes!

LurkedCat, DP would very much like two kittens who I could be BossCat of. ODP is taking some persuading...

I am currently trying out my new found ideas by sitting with my bum on her chest by her face and my front paws on the laptop. Not only is this an incredibly good typing position but it blocks DP's usage of said appliance. Plus, I'm purring like a drain which makes her think I'm cute when actually I'm trying to stop her being able to hear the telly so she will feed me again!

Oh, please stop, MsJamie. You're just derailing a fun thread.

We understand. You don't get it. No one wants to explain it to you.

You're ruining the thread for the rest of us.