AIBU to bite her face?

[WyldChyld]

I will start by saying that I LOVE my DP (darling person, that is). She and ODP (other darling person) rescued me, cleaned me up and feed me far more than is good for me. DP is also very squishy and round soft and I like very much to knead her and sink my lovely claws into her flab skin.

I have noticed, however, that she does not seem to appreciate this and keeps showing me that her belly is all covered in red pinpricks and scratches. I personally think this makes her look very interesting and distinguished, and a little bit like a leopard who I am obviously related to distantly. She particularly dislikes this at nighttime when she is in the lovely squishy bed that I like to take up lots of.

Anyway, when I knead her at nighttime, she hides under the duvet and damnit, I want cuddles! I don't care that it is 3am and she is getting up in 3 hours, I need love now!! So I normally then decide to bite her nose / chin / finger / engagement ring / ear /whatever is poking out of the duvet. She says that apparently IABU - well, I couldn't believe my ears!

Cats of Catsnet, back me up here. Any suggestions for how I can bring her terrible behaviour back in line? I don't want to have to resort to the water pistol (no opposable thumbs)

WyldCat

mrsjamie Because op is a cat innit? Not a cat in the first person, in a house.

Ah, the bum in face position, a classic.

MsJamieFraser

I'm sorry you have struggled with this thread. For clarification, the OP (original poster) has posted in the "persona", if you will, of her pet cat - as though animals were able to participate in internet forum discussions.

She has done this for something that is often known as "fun". There are online dictionaries if you need a hand with that one.

HTH.

this thread has went all 360!

I stated I did not get the thread, I was then told I was a bitch plod* for not getting the thread, then told I was unreasonable for questioning the thread, then told to fuck off... etc...

all for asking a basic question as to why an adult would pretend to be an animal in the first question.

I am not here to spoil anyone's "fun" or "derail" considering I was one of the first to post but clearly MN posting police have dictated that I am a fun hater!

as you were in your "humour" cat loving.

Wyldcat - you are on the right lines with the laptop - I prefer to take over completely and force an extra meal (what's wrong with deficit eating anyway?) BEFORE bedtime.

Oh, and Wyldchyld - I do have some of these in stock if you're interested!

Thank you for the last few posters, I haven't struggled with it per say, I just dont understand it.

I am however not wanting to waste peoples fun, so I will switch off and continue to watch my beloved Wales...

Well OP you are but a mere amateur...or a kitten

furball thrown up just where DP gets out of bed...

yowl to be let in then yowl to be let out..constantly for hours at a time..

want food then stalk away so DP pick it up so idiot DD (darling dog) doesn't eat it..then yowl for it again 10 mins later...repeat constantly..

Go over the road..NDN has a large idiot DD --rotty- torment him so he barks and gets into trouble..

These DPs don't know how lucky they are to work for us..

Feckitcat

ffs strikethrough fail!

Miaowroar, I'll take one - but only if it comes fully stocked!!

Oh yes laptop help. Especially when you can see they've been typing for a bit and are concentrating. This generally indicates 'important work' which I always help with. I can type loads faster than the dps.

I do find sniffing and pawing eyelids to wake them up, then get close into their faces, scratching them with my whiskers, followed by burp or a bit of a cough, quite effective at getting less soft human up in the mornings. Soft one can sleep through most of my techniques, but coughing and pretending to heave on the duvet usually gets a result.

Of course once they are awake, the old faithful bottom in the face is always a great finale.

Silvermog

Btw, they are both now sweltering in the living room as I've made them switch on the gas fire. Sitting looking depressed and hunched-up in front of the hearth is the way to make the switch work, I believe.

If you really, really want to freak them out, leave about a quarter of a rat somewhere, like the bottom of the stairs, and another quarter of it just by the back door. Then watch them scurry about looking for the rest before it gets really stinky carefully stuffed under the really low slung and difficult to move sofa during a particularly warm and humid patch of last July

I haven't struggled with it per say

sits on hands

Claw her eyes out!

TheLateJuxCat here. I used to love jumping on my Dear Inferiors' farts, you can follow them all the way down the bed (especially his, which were powerful in every way, and travelled fast!).

Before the dear pair got together, I would wake her by jumping from a standing start on the floor at the end of the bed, aiming between the duvet and the mattress, and landing on her feet with all my claws out. 'Twas great fun!

YABU. All good cats know that the best way to wake up DP is to boop the nose, with increasing insistence.

Claw in nostril, or corner of the mouth is also a good one.

I liked the 4 year old not wiping his/ her bottom thread.

I currently have no humour for cats. Ours just did a bloody great stinking steaming dump on our doormat. Curse that fucking cat.

Scatch the carpet and yowl, unrelentingly. She'll soon not mind you on the bed at night.

Jamie you're honestly getting far more worked up than is healthy by people speaking on behalf of their pets. There is plenty more Internet.

Tonight's delicacy chez tibbacats

they fought over it.

I used to have an eyebrow biter, btw. She didn't want my attention - just my sodding pillow.

Face chewing doesn't go down well. Simply drape yourself round the head on the pillow and gently purr in the nearest available ear. If that doesn't work, then a spot of dribble will.

Dodochat

Sit on the dressing table and knock stuff off.