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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit miffed at friend for asking me to do this?

99 replies

Timeforanamechangey · 26/09/2015 16:53

I have a friend who I've known for years, we don't see each other that much as I moved to a differnt area but still see each other every few months when I go back to visit.

She is out of work at the moment as she has some health issues and doesnt look to be returning to work any time soon.

There have been a few occasions recently where she has asked to borrow money, never big amounts just £20 or £30 here & there, it's always for the same reason (to pay off phone bill/put electric on the meter etc) and I've lent to her a few times because tbh, I feel a bit sorry for her. I have been in that exact same position myself having to beg people for money and it isn't nice and now I'm doing a bit better for myself I don't mind helping her out.

I've probably lent her about £150 in total. She has never given me anything back but I didn't really expect her to even though she always promises she will. I know she is pretty broke so I've never pressured her for the money back and she needs it more than I do so I'm not really that fussed if she doesn't give it back.

However, the other day she asked for money again and I said that unfortunately I couldn't as I was getting paid a week later than I expected and needed the money I was getting to pay rent and other bills. This was true but I was also getting a little bit worried that she was seeing me as a bit of a cash machine.

She then sent a very confusing message which basically asked if I could loan her some money and then report my card as stolen, saying it had been used fraudulently and I would get my money back.

Aibu to be pissed off that she is essentially asking me to risk getting myself in trouble to lend her £30? Plus then I will have no bank card to access my own money until another one is issued? It might not have bothered me so much if she hadn't made a joke about asking for 'another loan I don't have to pay back' (accompanied by the usual lol's and offers to pay me back etc)!

OP posts:

Vixxfacee · 26/09/2015 16:55

Cheeky bitch. How could you even think yabu!

Clare1971 · 26/09/2015 16:56

YABU to be a bit miffed. You should be bloody furious.

Boredofthinkingofnewnames · 26/09/2015 16:56

No of course you're not being unreasonable.

I would tell her that you just can't do it, I would also be wondering if there is something bigger at play - drugs / loan shark etc?

NerrSnerr · 26/09/2015 16:57

Fucking hell. I would ever give her anything again. What a cheeky cow.

nilbyname · 26/09/2015 16:57

Well she sounds desperate or insane.

ImperialBlether · 26/09/2015 16:57

So she wants you to give her money and commit a crime? Is she crazy? That would be the last she'd hear from me.

Osolea · 26/09/2015 16:58

Do you really need to ask if you're BU? Of course not!

Your friend is a cheeky presumptuous cow, stop lending and giving her money!

Hygge · 26/09/2015 16:59

She's asking you to commit fraud, you are definitely not being unreasonable to object to this, and I'd feel more than miffed if I were you.

YoniMitchell · 26/09/2015 17:00

Yanbu at all! I hope you're going to tell her no way?!

Original poster

Timeforanamechangey · 26/09/2015 17:00

I'm fairly sure she isn't on drugs although she does drink/smoke but not excessively. Her boyfriend may well be though, he is a bit dodgy to say the least but she is madly in love with him so I can't really say anything. I am a bit worried about her.

OP posts:

Gruntfuttock · 26/09/2015 17:02

Tell her you're not going to commit a crime for her and point out that she's had at least £150 from you and made no attempt to pay any of it back. I'd be more than miffed. I'd even be more than peeved. I'd be outraged from my top to my bottom. Of course she sees you as a cash machine, except it's free money, whereas the rest of us have to earn the money we take out of a cash machine. Don't be a fool any longer, OP. Put your foot down with a firm hand.

Original poster

Timeforanamechangey · 26/09/2015 17:02

Sorry, I forgot to add I did tell her no! I would never have entertained the idea but she seemed quite blasé about it and said her mum does it all the time. Really?!

OP posts:

YoniMitchell · 26/09/2015 17:05

Does she ever contact or come to see you for reasons other than to cadge cash or ask you to commit fraud?

ijustwannadance · 26/09/2015 17:05

She is not a friend. She uses you because you allow it.

JeffsanArsehole · 26/09/2015 17:07

I would say "I'm not going to commit a crime to lend money"

ilovesooty · 26/09/2015 17:08

If her mum does it all the time I wonder how much she's screwed out of her?

fuzzpig · 26/09/2015 17:10

blimey. I would never be able to look at her in the same way after this.

Charis2 · 26/09/2015 17:10

absolutly not! Don't get involved! But I agree she sounds desperate. If you care about her tell her you are not going to lend her any more money, but want to know what is wrong, and if you can help in some other way.

BrieAndChilli · 26/09/2015 17:11

I'm pretty sure after a few times of he mum doing it the bank would have cottoned on.
The coup of times we have had fraud on our bank account the bank have rung us before we had even realised anything has happened. They know exactly where the card has been used so for it to repeatedly be used with a pin to take out cash when 'lost' is going to raise a few flags as it's much easier to make online transactions with a stolen card

catfordbetty · 26/09/2015 17:11

As others have noted, she is asking you to break the law. Don't.

Original poster

Timeforanamechangey · 26/09/2015 17:13

I imagine she has reached her limit from the bank of mum, hence why she had to turn to me in the first place! Mind you, her mum doesn't work either so she probably doesn't have the money to lend either. She (friend) keeps assuring me that when the money comes through on the sale of her mums house she will pay me back but I'm not sure why she thinks she will profit out of that and these things can take months so I'm not holding my breath. I won't be lending her any more money though!

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 26/09/2015 17:14

I don't understand why banks don't have CCTV cameras on all cashpoints - surely it wouldn't cost that much extra and it would stop this sort of thing happening.

How does that sort of crime (that she's suggesting) work? If someone stole your card, they couldn't take cash out without having the PIN, surely?

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 26/09/2015 17:15

Oh, I see: fraud is OK as long as it's someone else committing it and she gets tenner out of it with no risk to herself whatsoever. No morals or scruples, eh? This is a "friend" who needs to be dropped.

Charis2 · 26/09/2015 17:18

don't understand why banks don't have CCTV cameras on all cashpoints

I think they do

lljkk · 26/09/2015 17:22

Oh dear, that's dreadful, OP. It's just so horrendously selfish of her. I'm afraid I'd have to massively distance even if I did also feel sorry for her.

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