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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit miffed at friend for asking me to do this?

99 replies

Timeforanamechangey · 26/09/2015 16:53

I have a friend who I've known for years, we don't see each other that much as I moved to a differnt area but still see each other every few months when I go back to visit.

She is out of work at the moment as she has some health issues and doesnt look to be returning to work any time soon.

There have been a few occasions recently where she has asked to borrow money, never big amounts just £20 or £30 here & there, it's always for the same reason (to pay off phone bill/put electric on the meter etc) and I've lent to her a few times because tbh, I feel a bit sorry for her. I have been in that exact same position myself having to beg people for money and it isn't nice and now I'm doing a bit better for myself I don't mind helping her out.

I've probably lent her about £150 in total. She has never given me anything back but I didn't really expect her to even though she always promises she will. I know she is pretty broke so I've never pressured her for the money back and she needs it more than I do so I'm not really that fussed if she doesn't give it back.

However, the other day she asked for money again and I said that unfortunately I couldn't as I was getting paid a week later than I expected and needed the money I was getting to pay rent and other bills. This was true but I was also getting a little bit worried that she was seeing me as a bit of a cash machine.

She then sent a very confusing message which basically asked if I could loan her some money and then report my card as stolen, saying it had been used fraudulently and I would get my money back.

Aibu to be pissed off that she is essentially asking me to risk getting myself in trouble to lend her £30? Plus then I will have no bank card to access my own money until another one is issued? It might not have bothered me so much if she hadn't made a joke about asking for 'another loan I don't have to pay back' (accompanied by the usual lol's and offers to pay me back etc)!

OP posts:
BoldFox · 26/09/2015 17:25

Wow. Drop her like a stone.

If you start asking her for the 150 back, she'll stop contacting YOU. Job done.

Blu · 26/09/2015 17:27

So basically in asking that of you she is suggesting you have the capacity to be a thief.

Has she always thought fraud was OK?

ImperialBlether · 26/09/2015 17:28

I don't think they all do, Charis. It never seems to be used in evidence.

According to the Ombudsman, banks might rely on in-house CCTV to see who made a withdrawal. No mention of external cashpoints having them. They also said:

"However, in our experience, thieves can only get into an account through a cash machine if they have had access to the genuine card and they know the associated PIN."

Thighbrow · 26/09/2015 17:28

Wow. No way are you bu. She must be pretty desperate though - I wonder what she really needs it for? Maybe I'm cynical but she's obviously thought quite hard about how to get money in an emergency.

ImperialBlether · 26/09/2015 17:29

I would think the OP's friend is lying about her mum doing this all the time. The bank would be all over her, particularly as she isn't working.

Liomsa · 26/09/2015 17:31

I agree with whoever said to start chasing her for the £150 and you'll probably not hear from her again. That's outrageous. She's asking you to commit fraud for her!

Original poster
Timeforanamechangey · 26/09/2015 17:37

I thought that too imperial. See, none of it really makes much sense because I live so far away from her I would have to do a bank transfer online rather than giving cash so I can't see how the whole 'my card's been stolen' thing would even work because how would the 'thieves' have access to her bank details and why would they have transferred money to her? Makes no sense.

I get the feeling she is quite desperate but I still don't know why she thought this was ok. I work quite closely with the police (although not in the police itself) so I have good knowledge of how they work and there's no way either of us would get away with it. Plus if I was caught it would have massive implications for my career, in fact I think I'd never be allowed to work in my field again. She probably doesn't know this but still.

OP posts:
KitKat1985 · 26/09/2015 17:47

I can appreciate she might be desperate, but that's taking things too far. She's already using you like a cash machine, and now she would be happy for you to risk getting caught for fraud / losing your job just to lend her a few quid? She clearly thinks nothing of you OP other than you are an easy source of cash for her. I'd drop her like a bad habit.

Onedirectionarestillloved · 26/09/2015 17:57

Banks do use cctv.
Do not do this for her.
The bank will know exactly when and where the money was withdrawn. If the do have cctv they probably will pass this onto the p0lice. They can also shut down your account for fraud.
This will make it very difficult for you to open another bank account and quite frankly would you want yo go through all this?

Tell her she can't expect you to do thus. I don't believe that her mum has done it on a regular basis.

Perhaps she needs some money advice from somewhere like citizens advice.

Remind her of the money she owes you too, hopefully this will stop her asking you.

DoreenLethal · 26/09/2015 18:00

The perfect time to respond 'are you on glue?'. Although she probably is.

ImperialBlether · 26/09/2015 18:01

I know banks have cctv, but I meant a camera built into the screen. And a bank would stop someone eg with a bike helmet on from entering the bank, whereas if you went to the cashpoint in an Asda carpark, for instance, then I doubt the cctv would identify you if you went at night with a helmet on.

specialsubject · 26/09/2015 18:01

she's a leech. Peel her off.

you won't see that £150 again so don't chuck more money after it. And anyone who pleads poverty yet still smokes loses all rights to any sympathy.

BathshebaDarkstone · 26/09/2015 18:08

YADDDDDDDNBU.

Icrackedup · 26/09/2015 18:13

Tell her to give you back your money and fuck off. I guarantee she'll fuck off forever first. £150 well spent.

no73 · 26/09/2015 18:22

Sounds like she's on drugs particularly the amounts she's asking for plus her not looking she's going to return to work and with a dodgy boyfriend

GissASquizz · 26/09/2015 18:27

Yeah, time to ask for your money back and sever ties. She is not your friend.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 26/09/2015 18:29

If you do this, you'll likely end up being reported for the highest level of domestic banking fraud, and you'll be unable to get a bank account again.

Autumnnights1 · 26/09/2015 18:31

Tell her you havent got it and why doesn't she ask her boyfriend.

goinggrey1978 · 26/09/2015 18:35

i know how you feel Timeforanamechangey, i have a friend that has always had her card cloned and waiting for the bank to pay her back or the direct debit went out early can you lend me x, y or x amount til luckily she's got the message now that i will not lend her anything as i know she'll never pay me back, she lives beyond her benefits, always got the newest phone, always bouncing direct debits as she takes all her money out and spends it on crap and always changing her number as the phone company did something wrong and now she owes then x amount and of course it nothing to do with her, as when she asked me for money, if it was for food i'd say that i'd take her to the supermarket as i had no cash on me, she didn't like this, i think mainly because she wanted the money for cigarettes or take-aways which she doesn't need and i'm not funding!!
stick to you guns and don't lend anyone any money unless you're sure you'll get it back or sure that they really do not it!!

Topaz25 · 26/09/2015 18:44

Of course YANBU! She is asking you to commit a crime, if you had gone along with it then you would have been caught on CCTV and could have got in serious trouble. She is not a real friend if she would ask you to take a risk like that, especially after everything you already done for her. She clearly doesn't care about you. I would suggest she gets professional help for her problems, her desperation suggests an underlying issue like drugs, debts or gambling. Then cut her off.

PeppaWellington · 26/09/2015 18:49

I have been the very broke friend, and I would NEVER ask anyone to do this. Mostly because I'm not a criminal so it wouldn't occur to me, but mostly because it's the act of an immoral leach.

Would I be pissed off? This would be enough for me to cut the "friend" loose tbh.

Floggingmolly · 26/09/2015 18:53

She's already blatantly told you how she views you. Another loan I don't have to pay back, lol. She has no intention of addressing the outstanding amount, and sees no reason why that precludes her from continuing to ask...
Just drop her.

TendonQueen · 26/09/2015 18:59

As everyone else says, don't do it. I would also tell her that she ought to go to Citizens Advice Bureau and get advice on money/debt management if things are so bad that's she's suggesting this.

Wishful80smontage · 26/09/2015 19:02

She's a complete user and she's not your friend OP a friend wouldn't ask you to do that. I'd cut ties now.

IPokeBadgers · 27/09/2015 18:04

That is dreadful OP. She isn't really a friend at all, does just see you as someone she can tap for cash when she is short a few quid. Time to call time on this friendship....imagine if you say no to her a few times that will be the end of it and you won't hear from her again.

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