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Original poster

DP out with friend on our 'anniversary'

89 replies

Sillyjelly · 26/09/2015 00:02

Just that really. It was our anniversary last weekend, but due to work commitments I booked the coming Monday off work and we reserved this weekend for a low-key, long weekend just with each other. Something which hasn't happened in a while.

I expected DP to be at mine when I got home from work, but found out she was helping a friend fix her mother's roof, a job that needs doing so I didn't mind at all.

At 7pm I heard they were done for today and we're now both coming over (a 45 min drive), not ideal really but friend has been a great help so I didn't mind that much.

8pm -text- we're just leaving now

8:30pm -text- we're 20 minutes away

9:45pm -text- a photo of DP dancing in a bar and the world 'party'

I replied asking where they were. I thought if they were in my town it would be walkable and I wanted to join them.

9:55pm-text- a photo of a dj booth I don't recognise, no words.

I replied asking why they hadn't invited me.

11:10pm -phone call received- saying they would have invited me but just stopped for one which turned into two and they were playing pool with some locals. Turns out they are in a pub a ten minute walk from my house. I said i wasn't happy about it and I was hurt they had not asked me, but to stay out as I was in the bath and now going to bed.

11:11pm -phone call received- telling me not to be annoyed, that they hadnt meant to stay out etc. I reiterated that I was hurt rather than annoyed. I confirmed DP has a key to my house (we don't live together), and said not to rush back as it makes no difference now. This was accepted.

I'm very hurt, I feel like our special weekend has turned into a night out I wasn't even invited to, and my house is the hotel. I've left bedding downstairs for them, and am assuming they'll take the hint (last time he stayed we shared the one bed).

I feel the fact that it wasn't done on purpose is irrelevant. Carelessness is just that, a lack of care.

I predict a falling out over this and would like to get a sense of perspective. I've tried to share objectively on here. Please could you let me know if I have a right to be upset and make a big deal of this, or if I'm overreacting/ being unreasonable and should let it go.

They are still out.

Thanks a lot for reading.

OP posts:
DoreenLethal · 26/09/2015 00:06

Lock the door and get to bed. Why are you letting them walk over you and wipe their feet on you along the way?

Burnet · 26/09/2015 00:07

Erm, I'd be leaving the key in the lock and putting earplugs in.

Morganly · 26/09/2015 00:08

No, you are not over reacting. I would lock the door and leave the key in the lock so that they can't get in.

pookamoo · 26/09/2015 00:09

When you say "anniversary", how long have you been together?

Also, I know it is not relevant but 3 adults sleeping in the one bed seems like a bit of a squash anyway if you ask me. And also not something for anniversaries? Maybe?

gamerchick · 26/09/2015 00:11

Why are you letting them doss at yours?

Text him and tell him to go home.. Put your key in the lock so he can't let himself in and go to bed.

Christ he's took the piss close to your house knowing you'll let them stay there.

Don't be a doormat.

Burnet · 26/09/2015 00:12

I'm sorry but I think this might be your DP trying to split up with you by being as awful as possible to you.

I think you need to figure out why your boundaries are so poor that you can't recognise this truly shit treatment, and you are here asking us to confirm your right to be upset / annoyed.

Your DP has been DIRE tonight. The worst.
Don't accept it. You can do better. Flowers

Burnet · 26/09/2015 00:14

(Unless your partner is trying to figure out exactly what levels of crapness you'll put up with by being hugely horrible, and that would be a really really bad thing.)

pigsDOfly · 26/09/2015 00:22

That is truly nasty and incredibly cruel.

Another one saying put the bedding back in the cupboard, leave the key in the lock and put in ear plugs. Don't let them use your home as a doss house.

I'd be inclined to listen to the message your P is sending you, that is, he's not a nice person and you can do better, and dump him before he gets any nastier.

Atenco · 26/09/2015 00:31

Your DP is either nasty or incredibly thoughtless. My ex was like that back in the day before cell phones. He would make a date with me for eight and come rolling in at five, having been out with our mutual friends. He didn't do it once but several times. He had a lot of faults but that one still stick in the craw thirty years later.

Lweji · 26/09/2015 00:31

I'd be making sure I got my key from him, or changing locks asap.

This would be the end for me.

BiggaBanga · 26/09/2015 00:36

Lock the door, enjoy your bath, go to bed, find someone else.

Original poster
Sillyjelly · 26/09/2015 00:36

It's only our first anniversary. The three in a bed is an incredibly uncomfortable experience that I didn't wish to repeat, particularly not this weekend. It was never part of my plan.

I shan't lock them out as they know nobody locally, and there aren't hotels. Also I suspect our friend didn't know it was an anniversary, but don't feel I know him well enough for him to stay here without DP too.

Having said that, all is quiet so maybe they have gone somewhere else.

I think you're all right about DP, though not a nasty person by nature, clearly doesn't give a fuck about me.

OP posts:
Lweji · 26/09/2015 00:40

Why exactly are you feeling sorry for them?
Even if the friend didn't know about the anniversary, surely she knew you were expecting him.
And it would be a good wake up call about him and how unreliable he is.

Surely they could drive back another 45 min (or over 5 hours) to her mother's or wherever they live.

pigsDOfly · 26/09/2015 00:42

Well Jelly it's certainly not the behaviour of a nice person.

Why is it your responsibility to make sure they have a bed for the night?

Original poster
Sillyjelly · 26/09/2015 00:44

Sorry to clarify, DP is female, the friend is male.

They can't drive anywhere as presumably they're over the limit now.

OP posts:
Lweji · 26/09/2015 00:45

That's what taxis are for.

pigsDOfly · 26/09/2015 00:50

Female, male makes no difference, it's a horrible way to treat someone and there's no way you should allow them to stay with you tonight.

Whathaveilost · 26/09/2015 00:50

You've been given options about what you could do.
You are choosing to ignore them.
Carry on letting them take the piss out of you if you want.

CassieBearRawr · 26/09/2015 00:51

DP is a she and the friend is a he I think...or am I too fucked to read properly here?

Whatever, they're an epic dick either way and if there can possibly be a kind way to say it OP you're a bit of a doormat. I'd be texting informing them the door would be locked and they could stay elsewhere tonight. Then go to bed without worrying about drunken idiots crashing your house in the middle of the night.

Then tomorrow when you're rested and refreshed you can have a think about whether this is all you're worth (spoiler alert: no it's not, you're worth a lot more).

CassieBearRawr · 26/09/2015 00:52

Fucks sake, am too slow at typing!

amazingtracy · 26/09/2015 00:52

Jelly what would you say if one of your friends said that their partner treated them like this. IMO, there's nothing to argue I'm afraid, there's thoughtlessness and there's cruelty. The barrage of 'fab time' photos is cruel and calculating.

Sorry to say this, but your partner is a bitch and you deserve better.

CassieBearRawr · 26/09/2015 00:53

The photos would be returned with a nice selfie of my middle finger if this were me!

Original poster
Sillyjelly · 26/09/2015 01:01

Ok, I've just sent a text saying they can't stay here, it's not a hotel, and not to drive drunk.

She called within seconds asking what was going on, but then accepted it without argument.

I feel truly shit.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sillyjelly · 26/09/2015 01:03

But thank you all, sometimes you need to be told you're being a doormat (maybe multiples of times in my case!) but here we are.

OP posts:
pookamoo · 26/09/2015 01:03

I have the feeling that the anniversary means more to you than it does to your DP. Sad

That said, some people like me do not celebrate anniversaries as such when they are not married. Maybe she doesn't see it's important to you.

But I do agree with previous posters that she is being awful to you.