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Original poster

DP out with friend on our 'anniversary'

89 replies

Sillyjelly · 26/09/2015 00:02

Just that really. It was our anniversary last weekend, but due to work commitments I booked the coming Monday off work and we reserved this weekend for a low-key, long weekend just with each other. Something which hasn't happened in a while.

I expected DP to be at mine when I got home from work, but found out she was helping a friend fix her mother's roof, a job that needs doing so I didn't mind at all.

At 7pm I heard they were done for today and we're now both coming over (a 45 min drive), not ideal really but friend has been a great help so I didn't mind that much.

8pm -text- we're just leaving now

8:30pm -text- we're 20 minutes away

9:45pm -text- a photo of DP dancing in a bar and the world 'party'

I replied asking where they were. I thought if they were in my town it would be walkable and I wanted to join them.

9:55pm-text- a photo of a dj booth I don't recognise, no words.

I replied asking why they hadn't invited me.

11:10pm -phone call received- saying they would have invited me but just stopped for one which turned into two and they were playing pool with some locals. Turns out they are in a pub a ten minute walk from my house. I said i wasn't happy about it and I was hurt they had not asked me, but to stay out as I was in the bath and now going to bed.

11:11pm -phone call received- telling me not to be annoyed, that they hadnt meant to stay out etc. I reiterated that I was hurt rather than annoyed. I confirmed DP has a key to my house (we don't live together), and said not to rush back as it makes no difference now. This was accepted.

I'm very hurt, I feel like our special weekend has turned into a night out I wasn't even invited to, and my house is the hotel. I've left bedding downstairs for them, and am assuming they'll take the hint (last time he stayed we shared the one bed).

I feel the fact that it wasn't done on purpose is irrelevant. Carelessness is just that, a lack of care.

I predict a falling out over this and would like to get a sense of perspective. I've tried to share objectively on here. Please could you let me know if I have a right to be upset and make a big deal of this, or if I'm overreacting/ being unreasonable and should let it go.

They are still out.

Thanks a lot for reading.

OP posts:
pigsDOfly · 26/09/2015 01:06

Well done for standing up for yourself.

CassieBearRawr · 26/09/2015 01:08

Get a good night's rest OP and see how things lie in the morning Flowers I'd be having a good think about what I wanted from my relationship before I let her anywhere near me after tonight's stunt.

TendonQueen · 26/09/2015 01:12

Your DP has been very rude and hurtful. Quite right to tell her to go elsewhere tonight. I'm also questioning how seriously she takes the relationship. I'd wait for her to contact you now and see how she behaves, whether you get an immediate apology etc to see how you feel now.

Lweji · 26/09/2015 01:16

Even if you weren't planning on celebrating your anniversary, it was shoddy treatment on her part. Yes, we can sleep at her place, but never mind inviting her or even showing up when promised.

tomatodizzymum · 26/09/2015 01:17

*CassieBearRawr

The photos would be returned with a nice selfie of my middle finger if this were me!*

This and don't be a doormat.

tomatodizzymum · 26/09/2015 01:21

Sorry, stupid twatty phone didn't update. The thing about being a doormat and standing up to the people that treat you like that, is they think twice about doing it again. Get some sleep op Flowers

Sunshineandsilverbirch · 26/09/2015 01:34

Even setting the anniversary aside.

You DP, invites another person to your home without asking
Rather than turning up at 8pm as expected, they stop somewhere else for a drink first (so unbelievably rude)
They then leave you waiting for them all evening while sending cryptic texts about what fun they are having.
It then turns out all this is happening 10 mins from your house.
They then expect to be accommodated..!?

This is just incredibly thoughtless and selfish OP.

I'm glad you didn't let them stay.

Interesting how fast your DP was able to call you when you texted to withdraw the invitation to stay over but oddly enough couldn't find 30 secs to call you all night and say 'join us'.

I'd be volcanically angry.

Atenco · 26/09/2015 03:11

I agree, the anniversary is irrelevant. That way of behaving on any day of the year is definitely not on.

BathtimeFunkster · 26/09/2015 07:20

Your relationship is over.

Or it should be after that little display of pisstaking.

She has no respect for you.

turningvioletviolet · 26/09/2015 07:27

Your 'd'p is horrible. The 3 people sharing a bed is weird. But i have to say, the last time i celebrated a one year anniversary of a relationship with a boyfriend/girlfriend who i didn't actually live with was when i was a teenager.

Whatamuckingfuddle · 26/09/2015 07:47

Flowers your hopefully how ex DP sounds utterly vile, I'm struggling to understand why she/they made the effort to get that close to you and then not invite you. It looks deliberate to me, although I do have one 'friend' who is so utterly self absorbed she might do this, even she would realise and try and resolve the situation after the first text

TheBunnyOfDoom · 26/09/2015 07:49

Good for you for standing up for yourself Flowers

Hopefully your "D"P feels truly shit and remorseful this morning. What a nasty way to behave Sad

riverboat1 · 26/09/2015 07:57

I think it's appalling behaviour because your DP knew you were waiting for her and expecting her, and just kept you dangling all night with a series of text messages that almost seem designed to mislead you (the first ones) and then hurt you and rub your face in it (the pictures of the bar)

I would make it impossible for her to spin this as you being controlling / jealous of her going out with mates, as I imagine that's what she will try to do.

I have no problem with DP going out without me, and don't even really care about our anniversary. But if he knew I was sitting in waiting for him and he couldn't even send me a message to tell me straight that he wanted to go out eith friends so I shouldnt wait up I would be really, really cross. It's just incredibly disrespectful.

Either your DP knew she was in the wrong and the texts were an attempt to come across as a cutesy, wild-child who gets into crazy! unexpected situations so please forgive me!. Or she was actually callously trying to hurt you with them by showing you how good a time she was having without you. Or she can't see anything wrong with her behaviour at all, in which case I don't think she's a good person to be in a relationship with.

anotherbloomingusername · 26/09/2015 08:09

Is your DP bi, by any chance? Sounds like "friend" is putting the moves on. How on earth did you all end up in one bed? Any chance the guy is trying to engineer a threesome by getting your partner drunk?

Lweji · 26/09/2015 08:17

Besides never minding the anniversary, never mind being a partner, if a friend had done this I'd be reconsidering the friendship.

Boredofthinkingofnewnames · 26/09/2015 08:20

I'm with another, the whole set up seems confused. Why couldn't he just kip on the floor / sofa if it came to it?

onecurrantbun1 · 26/09/2015 08:25

It's not on. Anniversary is a red herring here. You had plans with DP, who then cancelled them without letting you know and expected you to still be there when it became convenient, i.e. they needed a place to crash. Wholly unacceptable.

AlisonWunderland · 26/09/2015 08:27

I can't see how 3 people get any sleep in one bed. Unless they don't intend sleeping

LovelyFriend · 26/09/2015 08:30

Your P has been very cruel. Horrible on any night you had arrangements.

At least they could have called you to say we are stopping for a drink please will you come join us.

I'd be rethinking the relationship.

StealthPolarBear · 26/09/2015 08:38

I'd be wanting am answer to why they said you couldn't join them when they were ten mins away.
And also if you live somewhere where there's a club ten mins away then there's be a b and b or something nearby

HackerFucker22 · 26/09/2015 08:38

I hope you stood your ground OP and didn't relent? I suspect your "d"p and her friend may have come knocking when they finished up wherever they were?

Is there any possibility of a sexual relationship between the two of them? Not that it makes one iota of difference to the despicable way you've been treated. You hopefully EX dp is a cunt of the highest order.

Tirinen · 26/09/2015 08:41

So your girlfriend went out with another bloke on your anniversary? And brought him back to the house for a sleepover?

There's doormat and there's just mental.

AyeAmarok · 26/09/2015 09:21

That was cruel to not invite you, so strange it almost seems like they did it intentionally?

You've done the right thing.

throwingpebbles · 26/09/2015 10:03

I can't work out who is male/female in all this! You seem to keep changing throughout the thread?

throwingpebbles · 26/09/2015 10:04

(Not that it matters, but it is making me very confused!)

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