DP out with friend on our 'anniversary'

[Sillyjelly]

Just that really. It was our anniversary last weekend, but due to work commitments I booked the coming Monday off work and we reserved this weekend for a low-key, long weekend just with each other. Something which hasn't happened in a while.

I expected DP to be at mine when I got home from work, but found out she was helping a friend fix her mother's roof, a job that needs doing so I didn't mind at all.

At 7pm I heard they were done for today and we're now both coming over (a 45 min drive), not ideal really but friend has been a great help so I didn't mind that much.

8pm -text- we're just leaving now

8:30pm -text- we're 20 minutes away

9:45pm -text- a photo of DP dancing in a bar and the world 'party'

I replied asking where they were. I thought if they were in my town it would be walkable and I wanted to join them.

9:55pm-text- a photo of a dj booth I don't recognise, no words.

I replied asking why they hadn't invited me.

11:10pm -phone call received- saying they would have invited me but just stopped for one which turned into two and they were playing pool with some locals. Turns out they are in a pub a ten minute walk from my house. I said i wasn't happy about it and I was hurt they had not asked me, but to stay out as I was in the bath and now going to bed.

11:11pm -phone call received- telling me not to be annoyed, that they hadnt meant to stay out etc. I reiterated that I was hurt rather than annoyed. I confirmed DP has a key to my house (we don't live together), and said not to rush back as it makes no difference now. This was accepted.

I'm very hurt, I feel like our special weekend has turned into a night out I wasn't even invited to, and my house is the hotel. I've left bedding downstairs for them, and am assuming they'll take the hint (last time he stayed we shared the one bed).

I feel the fact that it wasn't done on purpose is irrelevant. Carelessness is just that, a lack of care.

I predict a falling out over this and would like to get a sense of perspective. I've tried to share objectively on here. Please could you let me know if I have a right to be upset and make a big deal of this, or if I'm overreacting/ being unreasonable and should let it go.

They are still out.

Thanks a lot for reading.

BathtimeFunkster has it right.
If you stay with this woman you are condoning her antisocial behaviour.

You have the mother role. Is she much younger than you ?

The drink driving alone should be a deal breaker

Don't "talk" .... dump. Let this one go and she will be bringing friends home to shag in your bed before you know it.

One thing I have learnt after years of being single/dating selfish losers is that the 'cool girlfriend' who puts up with last minute changes/no notification/cancelled dates/ignored anniversaries is not 'cool' just unhappy and pretending to be cool. The only way to be ok with this sort of treatment is if you don't care and you do care and you deserve more. Pack up all her shit box it bag it whatever and finish it no discussion no guilt trips you can do better

Don't "talk" .... dump. Let this one go and she will be bringing friends home to shag in your bed before you know it.

This. Your DP is neither D nor any kind of P. She treats you with contempt. Shrug this off and you will be reassuring her that you don't mind being treated with contempt. You have this chance to cut the loop and get free of this waster; miss it and you'll be contributing to your own misery.

Just thank your lucky started you don't share a home or children with her

OP, if you let her get away with it she'll keep doing it. I can see that the best you'll get is a half baked apology with the insinuation that you're overreacting and an expectation that she can do as she pleases.

Bollocks to that, move on.

"I'm sorry you're upset" is not an apology

Thank your lucky stars she's shown you who she is before you waste any more time in this relationship

Get your door key back and dump her.

You're not a priority to this person, you're an option.

She hasn't even apologised and I doubt she will as she doesn't see she's done anything wrong.

The fact it was your anniversary is irrelevant. You had a nice weekend planned and she knew that but chose to bugger off with someone else.

Cool girlfriend would be:

My friend is fixing my mother's roof and I am helping him and will be in later
Fine
Oh, we thought it might be fun to go out tonight, are you OK with celebrating tomorrow as it's not even the real date today and would you like to join us?
OK, I'd rather stay in/where are you going?
See you tomorrow then.

What she did was completely letting you down and using you on top.

So what if you told her not to drive drunk? Should you need to? The fact that you told her not to sguests you know very well it's the sort of thing she would do. Done it before I bet? She's a cow and you're a doormat

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight That's a really good point, it sounds like perhaps this isn't the first time that OPs OH has driven drunk.

You shouldn't have had to hell her not to drive drunk. I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who did it. If I needed to tell them it'd be too late for me.

Of course she's drove drunk before. And will again.
And the 'friend' who sat in the car with her is culpable as well.