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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP out with friend on our 'anniversary'

89 replies

Sillyjelly · 26/09/2015 00:02

Just that really. It was our anniversary last weekend, but due to work commitments I booked the coming Monday off work and we reserved this weekend for a low-key, long weekend just with each other. Something which hasn't happened in a while.

I expected DP to be at mine when I got home from work, but found out she was helping a friend fix her mother's roof, a job that needs doing so I didn't mind at all.

At 7pm I heard they were done for today and we're now both coming over (a 45 min drive), not ideal really but friend has been a great help so I didn't mind that much.

8pm -text- we're just leaving now

8:30pm -text- we're 20 minutes away

9:45pm -text- a photo of DP dancing in a bar and the world 'party'

I replied asking where they were. I thought if they were in my town it would be walkable and I wanted to join them.

9:55pm-text- a photo of a dj booth I don't recognise, no words.

I replied asking why they hadn't invited me.

11:10pm -phone call received- saying they would have invited me but just stopped for one which turned into two and they were playing pool with some locals. Turns out they are in a pub a ten minute walk from my house. I said i wasn't happy about it and I was hurt they had not asked me, but to stay out as I was in the bath and now going to bed.

11:11pm -phone call received- telling me not to be annoyed, that they hadnt meant to stay out etc. I reiterated that I was hurt rather than annoyed. I confirmed DP has a key to my house (we don't live together), and said not to rush back as it makes no difference now. This was accepted.

I'm very hurt, I feel like our special weekend has turned into a night out I wasn't even invited to, and my house is the hotel. I've left bedding downstairs for them, and am assuming they'll take the hint (last time he stayed we shared the one bed).

I feel the fact that it wasn't done on purpose is irrelevant. Carelessness is just that, a lack of care.

I predict a falling out over this and would like to get a sense of perspective. I've tried to share objectively on here. Please could you let me know if I have a right to be upset and make a big deal of this, or if I'm overreacting/ being unreasonable and should let it go.

They are still out.

Thanks a lot for reading.

OP posts:
hebihebi · 26/09/2015 10:13

I'm also a bit confused. Especially as the 3 of you shared a bed last time. That's a bit weird.

But yes, if they were drinking 10 minutes from your house then of course they should have invited you.

OhWotIsItThisTime · 26/09/2015 11:39

Can't understand why your dp didn't invite you. Unless she's an utter arse.

NerrSnerr · 26/09/2015 11:47

Oh god, she sounds like an utter dick. Hope you're ok today OP

BBQsAreSooooOverrated · 26/09/2015 11:55

What a horrible thing to do. Is she usually so thoughtless or is it the friends influence?

CassieBearRawr · 26/09/2015 12:18

Partner is female, friend is male, don't know gender of OP. It is stated in the OP and has been clarified further along too.

riverboat1 · 26/09/2015 14:40

I can't think of a situation where I'd want to share a couple's bed with them rather than

riverboat1 · 26/09/2015 14:41

...sleep on the sofa or even wrapped up well on the floor. That your DPs friend shared your bed last time does put a bit of a weird spin on things and makes me wonder if there is something else going on between them, or he'd like there to be...

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 26/09/2015 15:38

Hope you're ok today OP.

StealthPolarBear · 26/09/2015 20:16

How has it been today op

Scremersford · 26/09/2015 20:24

My ex did similar to me, but on my birthday. It was the last in a small but telling series of similar showings of lack of respect and passive-aggressive behaviour. We were divorced by the next year.

PumpkinPie2013 · 26/09/2015 20:42

Hope you're ok OP. Your partner was truly awful to treat you the way she has and if it were me, she'd be an ex partner.

Genuine question - is your partner bi? It seems to me that there is more going on with the friend she was out with? Especially given that she was prepared to share a bed with him (even if you were there too - and it seems you were uncomfortable with the situation which makes me think she was thoughtless then too). I have a friend who is a lesbian and it'd be a snowy day in hell before she'd share a bed with a man regardless of whether her wife was there or not! So, it seems odd that your partner seemingly had no issue with this.

I hope you're ok and managed to sleep last night.

OTheHugeManatee · 26/09/2015 21:14

Your DP is being a massive arse. Well done on telling them to stay somewhere else.

I have to say this gives me a bad feeling about the relationship. Looks a lot to me like 'partner behaving like a massive arse in an attempt to get dumped so as to avoid the guilt of having to do the dumping'.

Stay strong and full of self-respect, OP.

Starkswillriseagain · 26/09/2015 22:15

Your DP is treating you very badly OP.

They may or may not be trying to be dumped, they certainly should be after this but it could also be she sees you as a doormat and thinks she can do what she wants. Whatever way she clearly doesn't give a fuck. She's blown you out, lied to you, sent you a middle finger up with the selfies, laughed about it and expected you to put yourself out for her. And on your anniversary.

She doesn't respect you, she doesn't treat you well, she lie and is rude. You don't deserve this. Lock the door and put in ear plugs in case they come calling anyway.

Gabilan · 26/09/2015 22:49

"I can't think of a situation where I'd want to share a couple's bed with them "

Well indeed. I think only the threat of hypothermia would make me think it might be possible. Floors are not uncomfortable if you're wrapped up in a duvet.

And why are people asking if the girlfriend is bi? Do they know the OP is female? I've not encountered him/ her before. And I am also confused because whilst the OP clearly referred to his/ her partner as female in the first post, so many people thought the girlfriend was a boyfriend.

See what I mean? Confusing.

Original poster
Sillyjelly · 26/09/2015 22:54

In the end they did stay here. Doormat I know but she called me so drunk that she was making no sense and I was worried. They drove here drunk so I dread to think what could have happened if I had not relented. It's not a club, just a dance floor in a pub, probably there is a accommodation nearby but not the large chain sort you can wander into drunk in the early hours. They left early this morning.

She apologised, but in a "I'm sorry you're upset.." Kind of way. We will talk tomorrow but I think she really doesn't think she has done anything wrong.

Thanks all for your advice, it's been very valuable. I'll sort it out.

OP posts:
Lweji · 26/09/2015 22:59

You could have rung the police to report drunk driving. That alone would put me off a partner.

Good luck with the talk.

Gabilan · 26/09/2015 23:00

They were in a pub a 10 minute walk away and they drove to your house despite being drunk? I'd dump someone for that alone.

Original poster
Sillyjelly · 26/09/2015 23:07

I'm not happy about that, i specifically told her not to do that by text, and on the phone. There are taxis around here if not up for a walk. I'm just glad they didn't hurt anybody.

OP posts:
TendonQueen · 26/09/2015 23:09

You're being manoeuvred into being the reliable doormat who will put up with anything in this relationship while your partner gets to act like a teenager and rebel against boring old Mum who will always pick up the pieces. If you don't like thinking of yourself that way (who would?) then you need to draw a line. Don't just let her brush this off. Tell her you don't want to be treated this way, it's inconsiderate and it has you rethinking the whole relationship.

Starkswillriseagain · 26/09/2015 23:09

Oh OP, she really thinks she can play you doesn't she? And driving drunk, that would be a deal breaker for me.

She has done wrong. Just depends if you let her do it again...

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/09/2015 23:19

She sounds like an utter knobber. I'm sure you have a purpose; sex; a bad; fun. But you aren't a partner. I married one of these (although even he would never have driven drunk).

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 26/09/2015 23:19

i specifically told her not to do that by text, and on the phone

Does she usually care more about herself than others? I ask because it is weird that you felt the need to tell her not to drink drive. You write as if it would have been your fault that she did drink drive if you hadn't told her not to. It is a weird dynamic to text your drunk gf to not drink drive. She's an adult, right? Or is she an adult only on her birth certificate not in behaviour?

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/09/2015 23:19
  • a bed
BathtimeFunkster · 27/09/2015 08:19

We will talk tomorrow

Why?

What can you possibly have to say to such a nasty, cruel, selfish, antisocial cunt?

A person who drives home drunk in that state is basically an evil piece of shit.

Pack up whatever of her stuff is in your house in a bin bag and leave it on your doorstep for collection.

lighteningirl · 27/09/2015 08:24

Hope you're feeling ok this morning Flowers

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