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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to stand my ground (child related)

114 replies

wibblypig1 · 25/09/2015 18:33

Just wondering if you can put this into perspective:

11 year nephew has just been taking the piss out of my skin (postnatal related acne). My brother was there - he told him to stop it, but he persisted, saying he thought my son had drawn on the spots whilst I was asleep. My brother sniggered a bit but told him to be quiet. He still carried on, then his younger brother joined in. It's something I'm sensitive about, as my brother knows.

It's the 11yr olds birthday soon - I told him every time he laughed he lost £2.00 off his present. I'm tempted to give him £2 in an envelope, signed by Your Spotty Aunt. My husband was horrified and is still smarting about it now. AIBU to stick to what I said to show him that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar?

TIA x

OP posts:
goldiesoxx · 25/09/2015 19:33

I started with 'teenage acne' at 11 and 22 years later I still suffer with it so maybe I'm a bit over sensitive but the little shit would get an empty card, my brother would get the same. It is not okay to treat people like that and both your nephew and brother should know better. I'm sure the puberty fairy will be visiting him soon though, then he'll understand.

Original poster
wibblypig1 · 25/09/2015 19:33

Omg - I just realised neither nephews said sorry - omg - that's dreadful actually. My brother just put his head in his hands and said "you're on your own" to them. I could go batshit at them if we could rewind the tape...

OP posts:
MascaraAndConverse · 25/09/2015 19:37

And soap I have suffered from terrible acne and still do have acne now, albeit a lot carmer than in previous years. I'm 25 now and it affects my confidence a lot. When I had my children it went bad again so I really do sympathise :(

I have found glycolic acid works really well but does dry your skin a bit. I've been meaning to try the Clinique anti blemish solutions as well. The Dr can prescribe treatments as well.

Oldraver · 25/09/2015 19:37

I think I would of come down on him like a ton of bricks for being so rude...then had words with my brother for bringing up such a rude little shit.

The devil in me would be putting lots of red spot confetti in his card

brokenhearted55a · 25/09/2015 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pipbin · 25/09/2015 19:41

I wouldn't put any money in his card but I would just sign it normally. I would also mention to DB why you have done that.

MascaraAndConverse · 25/09/2015 19:42

OP not soap!

Original poster
wibblypig1 · 25/09/2015 19:43

Haaaaa! Love those Broken - I remember staring at the Acne Amy one for hours as a kid - I found her spots mesmerising!!!!

OP posts:
MascaraAndConverse · 25/09/2015 19:43

*calmer not carmer!

Shock
Original poster
wibblypig1 · 25/09/2015 19:44

Thanks for the tip Mascara, bless you. It's all hormonal with me - I had beautiful skin when I was pregnant Sad

OP posts:
ghostspirit · 25/09/2015 19:45

ten it honestly does not bother me. i think its a bit like what sun said really which is why it whooshed over my head a bit. my kids would not go out to purposley upset me.

Original poster
wibblypig1 · 25/09/2015 19:46

I used to use antibiotic lotion that you put on with a pad - stiermycin I think it was called - worked like magic for a year or two, but then I built up a resistance to it and the spots gradually returned.

OP posts:
Thelushinthepub · 25/09/2015 19:47

(Please, though, folks, can we lay off on calling a child a 'little shit' and 'little fucker'? I see it a lot on here and it's horrible. Little better than the behaviour being criticised, IMO)

No, I won't. Me calling a stranger a little fucker on a forum is in no way comparable to being a nasty spiteful little shit.

Original poster
wibblypig1 · 25/09/2015 19:48

Not remotely goading here ghost but how would you react if they were piss taking another adult in your company - would you stop them?

OP posts:
KevinAndMe · 25/09/2015 19:48

I think yoou have a bigger problem than your DN there. Your brother.
If he was sniggering too and then not really telling him off, he was clearly finding it such as amusing as your DN,

Apples don't fall far away from the tree unfortunately.

Jackiebrambles · 25/09/2015 19:49

What a little shit!! Give him a card wushing happy birthday but no money at all.

If he asks for money tell him not to be so rude.

KevinAndMe · 25/09/2015 19:51

Btw, we also gently laught at each other in the house but the rule is:

If it hurts the other person in any way, it's not teasing anymore. It's being annoying and hurtful. Therefore you have to stop.

That means that one person can find something funny but if the other doesn't, then you can't do it to them.

Floggingmolly · 25/09/2015 19:52

Your brother said "you're on your own" to the kids who were taking the piss out of you?? Shock
You do know he is the actual problem, don't you?

WhereYouLeftIt · 25/09/2015 19:53

"My brother sniggered a bit but told him to be quiet. "
What your brother should have told him was to apologise.

Personally, I would send him a card with nothing in it. Sign it as usual, and if anyone queried the lack of a present I would simply say that warnings were given and ignored.

And if your brother goes in a huff, point out to him how badly HE handled the situation. (And yes, he is training his son to be a bully.)

Thistledew · 25/09/2015 19:53

Give him a present of anti-acne face wash, soothing cream, spot concealer etc, and a lovely supportive message saying that now he is getting older he definitely needs to start taking care of his skin as he acne runs in the family and it would be awful if he suffered too. Maybe drop in comment about noticing some pre-signs of oily skin. Give the boy a complex.

Hereisnownotthen · 25/09/2015 19:53

I like your own idea of the card with two quid in and signed 'from your spotty Aunt'. I think it is funny, and makes your point in a not too serious, not too confrontational way. Your nephew is only 11, he wouldn't have understood that he was being hurtful in the wAy an adult would. He's probably barely conscious that adults really have feelings! But still, it is useful for him to learn that people won't be nice to him if he is not nice to them.
If you send the £2 and card and he then apologised I would probably then buy him a pressie or take him for a treat. If he kicks off, I would calmly explain why I did what I did.
I can't comment on the family repercussions, only you can really decide if things will kick off and if it is worth it to make this point.

Autumnnights1 · 25/09/2015 19:53

I'd also be reading my horribly insensitive brother the riot act. The child is obviously following in his footsteps.

Jackiebrambles · 25/09/2015 19:59

Maybe I'm just old and stroppy but I can't get over that a child could argue or protest about the lack of birthday money from an aunt.

I mean wtaf?!

roundaboutthetown · 25/09/2015 19:59

I think your idea is quite funny, OP. Grin It's not like you're ignoring his birthday altogether, or just giving him a card, or buying him a book on the long-term effects of bullying, or writing in his card that you hope he gets a severe case of acne in a couple of years so that you can tease him about it.

Sunshineandsilverbirch · 25/09/2015 19:59

Wibbly I would suggest that following through would in fact be a wonderful gift to give your nephew. If you can teach him to respect others and be kind think how much nicer his life will be. Bullies are very hard to love.

Ghost it might be worth think about this a bit over the next wee while. I'm sure your child adore you - but they should respect you too.

What are you teaching them otherwise?