Aibu to stand my ground (child related)

[wibblypig1]

Just wondering if you can put this into perspective:

11 year nephew has just been taking the piss out of my skin (postnatal related acne). My brother was there - he told him to stop it, but he persisted, saying he thought my son had drawn on the spots whilst I was asleep. My brother sniggered a bit but told him to be quiet. He still carried on, then his younger brother joined in. It's something I'm sensitive about, as my brother knows.

It's the 11yr olds birthday soon - I told him every time he laughed he lost £2.00 off his present. I'm tempted to give him £2 in an envelope, signed by Your Spotty Aunt. My husband was horrified and is still smarting about it now. AIBU to stick to what I said to show him that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar?

TIA x

Give him a tube of Clearasil.

In many ways your brother is the bigger problem. If one of my children had been as rude as that to my sister, I would make them apologise immediately and tell them in no uncertain terms that if there was any repetition they would be losing screen time for a month. Other issues apart, if he can be this unpleasant to an adult, what is he doing to his contemporaries?

i guess some people are more sensitive than others. my kids are always making fun of me. i don't care.

OP, YANBU.

I wouldn't give this child anything but the card.

And when your DB complains (because I bet he will), you can tell him that he should have told his son off for his rudeness, not sniggered along with it, because by not acting on the rudeness he was just as bad.

I would give him £2.00, give the rest to an anti-bullying charity in his name and tell him so in the card with a link to the website.

That is possibly genuinely the best present you could ever give him.

ghost my kids also tease me. But they would not tease about something like the OP's acne, because this is hurtful.

It's nothing to do with being more sensitive.

I'd give him a lovely card, signed normally.
Then I'd decorate the inside with little red dots. All over it.

Actually I think you should absolutely follow through on your threat. And stick to it (no follow up present even if he apologises)

At 11yo he is well old enough to know better (my 7 yos would know better)

I'm also a great believer in not threatening things if you aren't prepared to follow through.

This seems like a pretty effective consequence to me.

It's also realistic as a learning experience - adults don't buy nice presents for other adults who are mean to them either.

YANBU. I second Goldmandra's suggestion, and think your brother has been pretty crap. I would hit the roof with my 10yo if he dared behave like that. But I can't imagine it would occur to him to, tbh.

(Please, though, folks, can we lay off on calling a child a 'little shit' and 'little fucker'? I see it a lot on here and it's horrible. Little better than the behaviour being criticised, IMO)

I don't think you are not being unreasonable at all. If you suffer from acne (I do) you are sensitive about it so totally know how you must of felt. That said, it was totally out of order for your nephew to say that, and for your brother to tolerate, even encourage it by sniggering. You can't make them be more sensitive but you can show your nephew that actions have consequences - I'd def give him the £2 only for his birthday!

Very rude, and sorry to say but so is your brother for laughing along.

Ghost your DC ^make fun* of you?

Good natured joshing is one thing and perfectly normal in families.

But deliberately continuing to hurt another person is cruel. Regardless of the respective ages of those involved.

If your children do that to you - you really should care.

ghost I hope you're not raising nasty little shitbags children.

You're gonna have fun when they hit their teens and treat you with less than zero respect.

i think it is because whats more hurtful to one person may not be to another. im not saying its over sensitive just that people are more or less sesitive than others.

people laugh at my dyslexia/lack of grammar take pee out of my hair. and my weight...i could go on but im boring myself.

fuck that, give him nothing

I hope the horrible little shit bag get blighted with acne in a year or two, so he will know just how emotionally shattering it is! Your brother is just as bad for sitting there and letting him carry on with it....I rarely have the urge to do anything about anyone else's kids, but being an "oversensitive" (as someone else put it) acne sufferer, I want to punch your nephew straight in the mouth he is old enough to realise from your reaction that your'e not a happy participant in the joke! I wouldn't get him anything for his birthday...except maybe one of those cards I've seen floating around the internet that are full of choice insults. See how he likes it

My DC might tease me but if the were to speak to a family member like that I would go ballistic. The problem is your DB - he should have intervened and made him apologise. Children need adults to show them where the limits are not to snigger along with their rudeness. Your DN will grow up, it's just a shame that your DB doesn't seem to have done so yet.

He was very rude... but your brother is the one to blame really. He should have told him off, not laughed at him. And since he didn't, I would be making clear to your brother that you expect an apology or no birthday money will be forthcoming.

ah sun yeah never thought of it that way. if i say to them firmly you really need to stop now. they do. so yeah that makes sence

ghost I think you need to woman up and start telling people to go fuck themselves (your DCs included). That's not normal.

Wowowow!! I've only put the kids to bed and I've come back to your supportive messages. Thanks you guys unmumsnetty hugs and cheesy grins all round

My brother would think I was being churlish and part of me doesn't want to make nephews birthday all about me, but yeah, with my yr old son I'd have done ballistic if he'd said anything rude about anyone, but my brother thinks I'm harsh on my son - but guess what - he's very well liked and is polite and kind.
Thank you again - my DH is still livid, but they come from a piss-taking family and I think that's where the problem lies. It took me right back to my school days with playground bullying. My brother would never hear that his darling son is a bully, and that he is highly sensitive to people's feelings, but I guess that's plainly not the case. I am mad with my brother, and the sad thing is they'll all probably have a good laugh about it tonight, including his very spotty mother who is the biggest pisstaker of them all (ironic!).
I like the bullying charity idea... Might mull it over for a while. I need to guard what the reaction might be - I'm concerned it could cause a big family argument!

Follow through with your threat YANBU

He's about to approach his teens.

Sit back and enjoy it if his face erupts with acne. And maybe tilt your head and say "Oh that acne looks reeeally bad." Not in a teasing way, just a very fake sympathy, PA kind of way. :)

And don't give him anything.

*5 year old son

Nothing for him, at 11 he is old enough to know better,he was nasty and rude. Your brother should have known better, he sees his dad behave like that, he will copy it, and think he is right.