To leave my kids for 9 nights? What's the longest you've left them for?

[HortonMarket]

Should I be considering going on a 9 night trip on my tod which encompasses a conference and a couple of nights visiting a friend in the US leaving my 3 dcs? This will take 9 nights. I could just go to the conference so be back in 6 nights (or 5 if absolutely no sight seeing) but it would be lovely to tag on a visit to my friend out there.
DP and usual childminder would be looking after them so not too much hassle on the home front.
Kids are 8/5/1.5. Will the small one forget who I am?? What's the longest you've been away?
Feel guilty as it's not like I'm off nursing a sick relative.
AIBU? It's okay, I can take it....

I've only left them for a night or two at a time, as they'll eat through the bowl of food I leave them in that time. Pesky brats.

You kidding? Go for it!

They'll be fine. DP is a parent too, he can handle it especially with the childminder with him.

Your baby won't forget you. My DD has been away about 4-5 days at a time a few times at my parents so me and DH could get a break together.

Seriously, though, your youngest will NOT forget you. Parents have been separated by force for longer periods of time and things have worked out fine. However, if you think you'll just be worried the whole time, maybe now isn't the best time.

GO. Go. Go. 9 nights, don't look back - of course they won't bloody forget you woman!

I've been a martyr mummy for far too long and trust me, the little darlings buggers don't love you any more for it

I've done 8 nights twice, 2nd time was with my husband too so the kids were with their GPs. The kids were 6&7 first time, 8&9 second time, all went fine.

I did 3 nights a couple of times when they were much younger, again with no problems. You're leaving them with their dad and another carer they know, they'll be fine!

Go!

I wouldn't do it. Doesn't mean you shouldn't.

Do your children choose you or your DH when they're poorly or upset or wake in the night?

4 weeks when dd was 6yo. Did a voluntary stint at a hospital in Uganda so not even work strictly speaking.

Go, kids will be fine.

Couldn't and wouldn't. Sorry probably not going to help as you seem to have to go for 5 days minimum anyway. I just couldn't do it. I'd miss them too much and known theyd miss me too. Drives dh up the wall that I refuse to leave them

Go. You're a person first, and 9 days remembering that out of 365 will be good for you. And DH!

Nanny I'd say fairly equal. DD probably me but the 1.5 yo more than happy with DP.
I really struggle with what I should do and what I want to do and whether I am ultimately selfish for going away occasionally. Sigh.

DH takes our DC to his home country each year it's usually 17 - 25 days away without me (DH is self employed so can take a larger block of holiday). This has happened annually for over 10 years since the eldest was a toddler.

They don't forget you and it doesn't damage your short or long term relationship with them.

I've only ever left mine for 3 nights over 4 days. They went to go with their dad to the Isle of Man tt. Was to quiet if I'm honest but I'm not cut out for not bein mum if I'm honest. Up to u

Go and enjoy it.

Go. DP and childminder there. All ok.

I left mine for long weekends once or twice until secondary age. Then a week.

Go go go!!!! I was about 1 when my mum went to the states for a few weeks, maybe just a fortnight, and I did forget who she was But hey ho!

We both went to Aus for 16 days when DC were 5 and 3. Youngest didn't care, oldest seemed fine but got a bit clingy afterwards. She is an anxious child in general though.

We left DD with parents for 4 nights when she was two and a half. We had a lovely time, but it also felt like too long away from her.

Your DC won't forget you (even the youngest ones) but it is a long time for them. A week seems like a massive amount of time for a young child. They will cope, but they will miss you.
But I do understand why it makes sense for you that if you're going that far, you'd take advantage of catching up with people who you don't often get to see.

Don't go!
I'll go for you, you seem torn and upset and I hate to see that. I will selflessly go in your stead, do the conference, take some pics while I sight see.... For you of course. Then I'll nip to see your friend catch up over drinks and food on your behalf of course. I'll be back before you know it.
This is MN at its best, women just helping and supporting other women.
I'll pm my details get booking woman, before all the good seats go

Thanks all. I'll wrestle with it a bit longer but good to hear what others have done.
My poor parents had one tiny holiday abroad and that still sticks in my memory as a really weird weekend. I imagine it would be along those lines...

Frizzcat

I thought it was a bit border-line tbh before I read your DP would be there! I thought it would be a bit much to ask family/friends to babysit for that long but if DP is there there's no issue.

My parents left us for a week when I was about 5 (first half of week with one relative, 2nd half with another) and I found it so exciting. Sorry, I didn't miss my parents one bit. My DM thought I would though and so she prepared loads of stuff to keep me amused (craft box, fimo etc) while she was gone, bless her. It was kept as a secret that my older Dsis could only tell me about as soon as they'd gone, so we couldn't wait for them to go! Your kids are probably nicer than us though, they might miss you but they'll cope

I've done it for a month to help out financially. They didn't notice I'd gone.

I think it's us that misses them more and worries about it, the DC seem to get on with it.

No one else seems to have asked, but is your DP the DF of all 3 of your DC? If yes then go, if no, then it depends on the strength and length of the relationship between the child and their step dad.