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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave my kids for 9 nights? What's the longest you've left them for?

80 replies

HortonMarket · 24/09/2015 22:45

Should I be considering going on a 9 night trip on my tod which encompasses a conference and a couple of nights visiting a friend in the US leaving my 3 dcs? This will take 9 nights. I could just go to the conference so be back in 6 nights (or 5 if absolutely no sight seeing) but it would be lovely to tag on a visit to my friend out there.
DP and usual childminder would be looking after them so not too much hassle on the home front.
Kids are 8/5/1.5. Will the small one forget who I am?? What's the longest you've been away?
Feel guilty as it's not like I'm off nursing a sick relative.
AIBU? It's okay, I can take it....

OP posts:

Paperthin · 24/09/2015 23:26

Go! FaceTime and Skype. presents when you get back for DH and DC. All good ??

Namechangenell · 24/09/2015 23:26

I left a one and three year old for 6 nights as DF was dying on the other side of the world. They were with DH. Carried on BF when I got back. Despite the circumstances, it was actually nice to have a bit of time to myself. It had been a long time since I'd flown without the kids. I'd go for it.

MinecraftWonder · 25/09/2015 00:25

The longest has been two nights.

I'd be happy to leave them for a couple of weeks with dh, I'd not feel comfortable leaving them with anyone else though really.

catsrus · 25/09/2015 00:38

I went away for at least a week, once a year, from when my youngest was around 18 months. Left 3 of them with their df - I would always tack a few days holiday onto a conference if it was out of the U.K. . Their df went away on business multiple times a year leaving them with me.

They were, and are, are all fine - and all now go off travelling themselves. Believe me that's far harder to handle than leaving them safely with their df!

Rainbunny · 25/09/2015 01:55

Do it! Bring back gifts for the kids which will be very exciting for them and some great travelling stories of your experiences as well, trust me your kids will get some bragging rights in the playground. Honestly it will be a bit of an adventure for your kids as well as their normal routine will be different (not to say they won't miss you) but a change can be exciting as well for the kids. Fathers have long traveled for work without problems or societal guilt. Skype is a godsend and I actually think you will enjoy the chance to be an individual person for a while. We all need to reconnect with ourselves as individuals once in awhile (this was the awesome advice my mil gave me when I married my dh - they took a two week cruise every other year and left my dh and his brother to run riot at their grandparent's farm, happiness all around!)

Latika123 · 25/09/2015 02:32

I started travelling with work about 6 years ago. Then my son was 9 and my first trip away I spent 8 weeks in India working. He was with his dad who worked from home and although it was hard it was also a very positive experience for both of us. He grew a lot closer to his dad and I began to realise that it was possible to have a successful career whilst being a mum. 6 years later and many many trips later, me working away for period of a few days up to 8 weeks has become the norm. He has coped brilliantly and I honestly believe that there have not been any negative impacts on him

SquareStarfish · 25/09/2015 02:44

I couldn't do it. I have no reason to spend a night away from my DD and wouldn't. I've declined a hen do early next year because I don't want the night away from her. I can still remember my mum going on holiday with my nan and I was 7!

YellowBucket · 25/09/2015 03:30

Go! In the last few years ours have been going away from us for 7-10 nights with their grandparents. Apparently they are going for 15 nights next year.
Initially it was odd. Now it's like "back so soon?!"
Have a wonderful time.

KERALA1 · 25/09/2015 09:13

Dsis and I left for 3 weeks at 2 and 4. Very vivid memories of that time. We were fine though dm cries at the very mention of the country my parents visited she ended up traumatised!

IRuthBolirsUhbniuzsDH · 25/09/2015 09:23

I don't know if I would tbh, it depends on the other demands/pressures.

I have never left mine for more than a night, which was when I was having a baby; I wouldn't want to leave them really. They would be anxious too. But then I am single and that makes it a bit different.

I do recall being extremely anxious when my mum went away on a course for a few days when I was about 8. I was having a bad time at school, very scared and anxious anyway and it affected me pretty badly.

But your children might be way more secure than I was.
I think my 2yo would have great difficulty in understanding where Mummy was and why she had gone, never mind a 1yo.

I think you can do it but unless it's really important, I wouldn't as there will likely be some consequences, and it's hard to predict what form they will take iyswim. So it's a no from me I'm afraid.

LadySheherazade · 25/09/2015 10:15

I haven't gone for that long but I would.

Don't forget there are lots of advancements in technology now, with things like Skype and FaceTime you can keep in touch visually if you need to.

Skiptonlass · 25/09/2015 10:31

Go for it.

It'll be good for the kids and their dad to spend a bit of time together. They've got their dad and there are things like Skype etc. You'll get a break, presumably a few career points with the conference... Win win ! I'm pretty sure most dads wouldn't worry about being away for 9 nights and as you're 50:50 parents then I don't see how it's different you going to him.

It's very common in many European countries to have a 'green week' through kindergarten where little ones go off to a farm for a few days. It's seen as good for the parents to have a break and good for the development of the children too.

Junosmum · 25/09/2015 10:58

Get Skype and go.

Palomb · 25/09/2015 11:00

I go away every year without the kids, I came back from a week in Ibiza yesterday in fact. The kids stayed with my Mum and had a whale of a time.

Do it!

Savagebeauty · 25/09/2015 11:00

Go. Do the sightseeing. Have fun

Shutthatdoor · 25/09/2015 11:01

Another vote for go.

It will be good for everyone. It isn't like you will have no contact at all unlike in times gone by

fiorentina · 25/09/2015 11:48

I went for six nights with work when DS was 3 and DD was 7 months, it's fine. Have a great time, don't feel guilty and enjoy time with your friend. I believe having time out for myself every now and again, and especially a bit of travel which I love, makes me a better person. Have fun!

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 25/09/2015 19:58

When DS was under 3 I had to go away for work for a week at a time several times a year. I hated it (esp missing DS's first birthday). But sometimes needs must. If you're already away a couple more days won't make a difference.

turkeyboots · 25/09/2015 20:01

Happily leave mine with DH, go away for a night or two with work regularly and once did a ten day trip. But have never left them without one of us around.

dreadingautumn · 25/09/2015 20:18

Do it! I've done 4 nights and 5 days but would do longer with DH there. He has done a couple of 2 week stints for work I didn't love it but kids were fine and he didn't feel in the slightest bit guilty he had a great time.

Sithee · 25/09/2015 20:19

I'm about to do exactly that! I don't feel guilty at all and I'm rather looking forward to it!

Sure, I'll miss them and they'll probably miss me, but they'll be at home with their Dad and have school / childcare etc in place.

I think it's a good thing for them to see me as a person who has their own interests outside of the usual family routine.

dreadingautumn · 25/09/2015 20:19

I should add that DH and I do a 4 nighter together every year and I do a 3 night girls trip too

Notonthestairs · 25/09/2015 20:23

Go. My DH spent five months seeing us 1 day a week. At no point did he question why he was doing it - it was work and he needed to be there, end of. It's a few days - they have your DP and Cm. Really it's your feelings you are grappling with - they will be a little confused granted, but they'll manage. You're not doing anything masses of men - and not enough women - do all the time. Do your best to enjoy it and remember you are with them for the other 354 days of the year.

Mintyy · 25/09/2015 20:25

2 or 3 nights. But I don't have a job that involves international travel, so am not a good example. I wouldn't be interested in going on holiday without my children, but a couple of nights breather is lovely if you can get it!

Andrewofgg · 25/09/2015 21:07

DS was left with me for a week at 3m (obviously ff!) and he and I did just fine. And he did not forget his mother. Get thee to the airport!

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