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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To just want to leave the f***ing house!? (faffing related)

145 replies

InTheBox · 24/09/2015 14:18

Does anyone have family or a partner that does this sort of thing.

We're about to leave the house but no, we can't yet as a cushion needs to be plumped, the thermostat needs to be checked, perhaps even an 'interesting' ad on TV needs to be watched. Or something needs to be looked for or rearranged. Maybe even a cup of tea whilst all this is happening and then might as well check e-mails. I despair with this sort of faffing. Can we just leave!

I'm not military about leaving times unless we have to be somewhere but otherwise if we are about to leave the house then lets fucking leave! Rant over.

OP posts:

honeysucklejasmine · 25/09/2015 22:45

If I lived with any of your partners or family members I would be in Broadmoor by now.

I cannot abide faffing. Even reading about it gives me the rage at the selfish fucking twats you all put up with.

Ishtar2410 · 26/09/2015 07:41

howabout I haven't told mine yet - but suspect he'd say a similar thing...that it's my problem .

I blame his mother, she is the one who takes her time. Always has...I think my late FIL used to keep her under control a bit more, but now if she comes to lunch she's usually 2 hours late. And once she arrived for one of the DCs parties (first birthday or something like that) just as the other guests were leaving and there was no food left....

tiggytape · 26/09/2015 10:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rozalia · 27/09/2015 09:15

STBXH and I always used to be late getting places due to his control-freak faffing. My grown children now tell me STBXH is always late when he's arranged to see them. Usually at least an hour late. I'm not.
DD1said "He always used to blame you, when you two were late." Obviously said to them behind my back.

AndiYouGoonie · 27/09/2015 09:32

My husband is like this and it's infuriating! When we go anywhere with his family it's not unusual for two hours to elapse between someone saying, 'Let's go here' and everyone actually leaving the houses I it's clear where he gets it from

Fratelli · 27/09/2015 10:10

Haha my family calls it "piss arsing about"! I think just get in the car. If they're not there in a minute just go!

dustarr73 · 27/09/2015 11:01

As i said my dp is like this except the one time you dont get in the car cause you think hes faffinf about.He then comes in to get me looking annoyed.

kungfupannda · 27/09/2015 11:17

Years ago I had a housemate who started off with minor faffing and then got steadily worse and worse until she was taking three hours to leave the house after we'd decided to go out for a drink.

It got to the point where she thought it was entirely normal to start altering a dress (full-on unpicking of hems/seams) while I was standing in my coat with my keys in my hand. On more than one occasion we never actually went out at all.

Unfortunately, much later it turned out that this was probably the early stages of what became a serious mental health problem, eventually leading to her being sectioned. At the time there were no other indicators and it was just the most frustrating, incomprehensible situation. It led to a serious rift between us as I stopped doing things with her and she got upset and couldn't understand why I left her out of my plans. I finished up moving out as soon as I could find somewhere else to live.

bananafish · 27/09/2015 11:57

I am very much a believer in the idea that when people show, or tell, you who they are; then you really need to listen to it. Her actions were selfish, thoughtless and indicate that you are not a priority in her life.

You have to decide if that is someone you want a relationship with - and if you do, you really need to work out why...

bananafish · 27/09/2015 11:58

sorry wrong thread!

QOD · 27/09/2015 12:01

My dh is the opposite
equally as annoying. Due to pick dd up 20 Mins away and he is ready and marching round the house 30 Mins before.pick up
drives me.nuts

He also does that if someone says ah I'll pop in at 2
from 1.45 he's marching
2pm he's rantING that they're taking the piss turning up late

And he wonders why I drink

reni2 · 27/09/2015 12:04

Most faffers very quickly stop if you won't be dictated to. Leave without them, start the party whilst they paint the walls. Don't allow fafferius to be the driver, call a cab/ become the driver, hold your own tickets. All the ones I knew stopped faffing when it meant people are out doing stuff when they are home alone faffing. No audience, no show.

TheoriginalLEM · 27/09/2015 12:07

Not RTFT but you have my every sympathy OP. My DP would be the king of the faffers if it wasn't for his family - omg, trying to get out of their house takes HOURS, It actally triggers my anxiety

Original poster

InTheBox · 27/09/2015 12:09

It was mentioned upthread about faffing being a control thing - that's never occurred to me. Tbh I'd assumed that because I'm the organised one and ready to leave on time then the faffers just lack organisation and foresight.

OP posts:

reni2 · 27/09/2015 12:43

Try it out, box, call his bluff. Just leave if a time was agreed, do it three or four times and see how things go.

SeamstressfromTreacleMineRoad · 27/09/2015 12:48

No, it's control. I have the opposite - brought up by a family who taught me that it was better to be half an hour early than a minute late... I then married someone even worse - when DC married, we were at the church before the vicar had unlocked the door as we'd left the hotel an hour early 'To allow for the traffic'
I cannot tell you how many hours I've spent waiting in hospitals, doctors, offices, churches etc - I just automatically take a book everywhere with me.
We have friends who are always late - no idea how we've stayed friends...!

NickNackNooToYou · 27/09/2015 12:51

DH is a faffer, drives me round the bend.

The best was when we went on holiday, we'd be sat in the car me having packed, sorted DCs out as well as booking the holiday in the first place and he'd decide to start washing it!!!!!

I gave him a choice he could retain his man parts or wash the fecking car another time

Oysterbabe · 27/09/2015 12:53

DH suggested going for a walk about an hour ago. He's just gone for a shower.

Lara2 · 27/09/2015 12:56

DH used to be like this - I got to the point after years and years of just leaving without him if possible, letting him catch up and make his own apologies for his lateness. Now he has MS and we're back to waiting out the faffing (I'm definitely not including the extra time it now takes him to do things as faffing) as he can't go out alone anymore. Why does he need to do all this stuff after he has told me he's ready??? Ready means I can leave the house right now!!!

LadyDeGrump · 27/09/2015 13:02

Worse than family are work faffers.

I used to deal with a senior colleague who could never get to a meeting without rechecking his email, replying to ANYTHING which had come in, tidying his desk and making a cup of tea.

We once had an important 9am meeting and had to come in early. He snipped at me for getting in ten minutes after him, but was still at his desk when the clients had arrived and I had begun the presentation!

Oysterbabe · 27/09/2015 13:14

Now he's putting some washing on. I've just made myself a cup of tea.

AlpacaLypse · 27/09/2015 13:18

DP has faff tendencies, (although as nothing compared to my late father).

When SIL got married, she went to the lengths of having a special invitation printed just for him, with the time half an hour early. I was in on this, and was in silent stitches as we belted along to her wedding, twenty minutes late as far as he was aware as he'd done his usual massive 'quick shower' half an hour before we were due to leave, then couldn't find his phone, keys, only decent shoes, etc etc.

reni2 · 27/09/2015 13:22

Sometimes faffing is used to hide that the faffer does not pull his weight with chores or even in the workplace. Those are the "performance workers". Most non-faffers just wash dishes/ mow lawns/ do the accounts at work without much ado.

People who do not normally pull their weight then work as a performance with max audience, and what better time to do it then when the whole family/ work team stands there, dressed and ready, rapt attention on the faffers hard work. Never mind that they did three times as much earlier, and without fanfare.

Original poster

InTheBox · 27/09/2015 13:44

reni2 you raise very interesting points. I have seen it at work and I agree but as it didn't impact me directly I just ignored it. But my family, my partner are faffers in the extreme. I need to just leave to make a point.

OP posts:

WhataRacquet · 27/09/2015 13:55

Yes reni2 the "I'm so busy" brigade

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