To just want to leave the f***ing house!? (faffing related)

[InTheBox]

Does anyone have family or a partner that does this sort of thing.

We're about to leave the house but no, we can't yet as a cushion needs to be plumped, the thermostat needs to be checked, perhaps even an 'interesting' ad on TV needs to be watched. Or something needs to be looked for or rearranged. Maybe even a cup of tea whilst all this is happening and then might as well check e-mails. I despair with this sort of faffing. Can we just leave!

I'm not military about leaving times unless we have to be somewhere but otherwise if we are about to leave the house then lets fucking leave! Rant over.

It amazes me how I manage to get myself and two children ready on time but yet we are always waiting for DH when he only had to worry about himself.

Absolutely anything you can think of. You'd often see him lock the door and then open it again and go back inside which I think wound the cabbies up...

He just left. 15 min til closing. It's about 10 min drive and good 5 min to find parking. Doc will either be gone or really pissed off.

I shouldn't laugh chipshop, but getting blacklisted by the cab service is hilarious.

For me the most irritating thing is not my DH's faffing, but his supreme inability to prioritise his faffing. I wish I had an example to give, but basically he faffs for longer over things that are not of immediate concern than he does over things that really need sorting, now.

I used to nanny for, an now babysit around once a wee for a nearly 13yr old girl who is like this. She has always been like this. Her 9yr old sister will get ready quickly and efficiently. Parents get ready fine too. But she faffs so much.

When I put her to bed I learned around 5 years ago to start her early because if you let her stay up she will then be up late AND have to do the hours faffing routine. I also start her off getting ready very early when we are going out. And then usually youngest and I will go and sit in the car and wait for her while she adjusts her hair clip or something.

I have tried many things in the years I have known her from being strict, being relaxed, helping her...nothing works. I just factor her into the time to get ready now and leave her to it - less stressful for us all. Youngest and I just have a nice chat in the car while we wait!

My DH is unreal when it comes to leaving the house without faffing. Indeed, while I was in labour with dd2 he faffed so much he very nearly ended up having to play midwife at home. There I was very near to giving birth (v quick labour tbf which did take us by surprise) and there he was, getting water for the cat, counting the change in his pocket, locking windows (it was midnight. In November). He sent me to the car while faffing some more. I'll never forget leaning against his car having a massive contraction in the middle of the street because with all the faffing he hadn't even unlocked the car, and my mum standing screaming at him "For God's sake! YOUR WIFE IS HAVING A BABY NOW!!!!! Get a move on AND GET OUT OF THE HOUSE".

We still remind him about this.

He's horrendous with getting out for work though. Sometimes I leave the house mega early so I don't have to watch.

Do any of yours also do the listing of things we should take? We're already half an hour late, me and kids standing there with coats on, and DH goes: so keys - check; phone - check; do we have a drink for DC1? etc etc.

We have never, ever discovered that we have forgotten something during this exercise.
We always remember what we forgot after half an hour of driving..

I'm not surprised it's such a massive phenomenon. It really gives me the rage and then my family say "calm down box" as if I'm getting agitated over nothing.

I do have a friend who is very aware of her faffing and factors it into her schedule. Checking for phones, keys etc I can just about accept but someone deciding to mow the lawn a few minutes before departure!

PILs refuse EVER to leave the house without having a cup of tea first. You think you're running on time, but oh no, they will insist on having "a quick brew".

BUT IN THEIR HOUSE THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A QUICK BREW

The kettle is always filled to the brim, even for two of them. It is then boiled. Because it takes so long to boil, being full, the kettle boiler will wander off. And return 10 minutes later to reboil. The pot is then filled, again to the brim, for maximum heat retention. Tea cosy added, lest the tea cool down in anything under half an hour. It is then poured. They wait until it's tepid before drinking. Slowly.

"tell you what, we'll meet you there" is my new catchphrase.

Jimmy, "tell you what, we'll meet you there" has been my catchphrase since I realised that much of the faffing I witness is actually passive aggression, the party cannot start until the faffer is ready making lesser people than Ms or Mr Faffer wait. So I leave when ready.

I knew a faffer (colleague of mine) who was heavily involved in all leaving do/ birthday/ new baby organisation and then always turned up an hour late so making it HER party, birthday colleague didn't get to blow candles until Fafferella was there so everybody knew how central she was to the purchase of cake and card. Until I had enough on a birthday and said, oh well, we'll keep a slice for Fafferella, others repeated this twice and voilà- she started turning up on time!

Kids am now stealing fafferella for my ds.

I am also wondering how my ex can be in so many different places.

For all those that say 'we'll meet you there' or those that just leave, what if there's just one car or the destination requires extensive travelling? Do you genuinely just walk out of the door and leave?

You actually have to go without them before they get the message, and it takes more than one follow through and you do have to reinforce through repetition at intervals, and they do go in a huff.

I try to plan my interventions ahead. If I know we are going on a long complicated journey where I need everyone to have their act together I put my foot down a couple of weeks ahead. May have mentioned my stubborn streak earlier but it is either keep him and his daughter in check or LTB

I'm glad it's not just me. We can be waiting in the car, DCs and I for a good 10 minutes before DH comes out to join us. I'd be more understanding if he'd got the DCs ready as well, but no, just himself. More to the point, he'll often declare he's ready so I head out to the car, only to find he needs to do a couple of things before we leave.

We've been late for birthday parties, missed trains, been 'fashionably' late for Sunday lunch with my family, which I have not heard the end of. I have tried leaving without him, telling him an earlier time, reminding him that we're leaving soon, you name it, but apart from things getting slightly better over the past 23 years he's still not cured.

It's got to the point where my dad will now ask if it's time or time. At least then, he says, he has some idea of when we'll arrive

My DP is like all of the above. I have stopped 'rescuing' him, though. If he can't find something I just say 'I don't know'. I also tell him what time I am leaving the house, and if he's not ready I stick to my time.
He's also terrible at leaving in time to pick up DCs from activities - if my dd needs picking up from a friend's house at, say, 10.30, and it's 15 minutes away, he will leave at 10.25, thus making dd annoyed and friend late for her next activity.

Wow this is like therapy for me. My dh is such a faffer it sends me into orbit My kids would have been as bad but l went a few times without them and they are better now. My dh and l go together to the same thing every Monday evening. He waits until l say let's go then runs around getting his bits. Never ever is it him reminding me or waiting for me. He always starts things ten minutes before going that will no way be finished in ten minutes and he actually surprised every time. Does my head in. My parents were experts at getting a big family out in time. We were well trained and now all of us can't be late if we try. It's a bloody habit.

This thread makes me both very happy that I'm obviously not bu in my efficiency but also furious reading about all the faffing fuckwits. Just reading about it I can feel the rage building.

This is going to sound so heartless,but let me start by saying this was 10 years ago and the family are flourishing.
I have an adult step daughter who is a lovely,kind .generous person and the world's champion faffer.
Arrange to meet her and she is 2 hours late.You think that the baby in some way delayed her leaving the house...?
Fast forward to when you stay in her house for several weeks .She spends all morning sorting the clothes that need to go in the attic while still in p.j's. She has an appointment at 1 p.m.Half an hour's drive away. At approx 12.45 she suddenly hears what you have been saying about the time and announces she must go......shower ! Her shower takes half an hour. What for ?! Repeat ad nauseam,
Then sadly,( but remember, she is flourishing now), she is undergoing chemo.
Her hair falls out, as it does.She deals with everything with panache and style.It's wig fitting day.She is not totally hairless,so the wig will probably not fit.She courarageously goes to shower, attempting to shampoo off the last wisps.Help is needed.
I find myself yelled for to sort it.Hair clippers are applied in haste as we joke about, "that's how they do it in the Navy",no time to be sentimental about this situation, we MUST get to this hard to obtain appointment.
She looked cracking in the wig.
The kids looked great in it too !
She still faffs and she's still a lovely person.

Ishtar My problem is of 23 years standing too! Told him I had been berating him online and he said it is me that has the control issues expecting him to be ready on my sayso. Also realised at teatime I now routinely dish up and eat whether or not he is at the table on time which has improved him no end. True enough what they say about marriage being a war of attrition.

we left my mother at a theme park once.
she wanted to go on one last ride (huge queue) before leaving.

there were shuttle busses to the next train station. she was not happy but I had enough of her faffing.

None of us faff in our house, but I know some and can't help but wonder if the faffers do it as some sort of control thing.

I have never asked why he does it. I too will sit and eat without him. He knows dinner is nearly cooked, yet always heads to the loo, faffs with jars (fancy mustard? Have we got any? Did you buy some? Saw some in the cupboard yesterday ... moves something ... ohh heres some ... is it in date?? Oh hang on ... plum sauce ... oh is it in date? Will it go with beef??) Ahhhh

Yes, box I just leave. If the gaffer is the only car owner/ driver I line up other transport. Faffing is designed to keep people ( looking at this thread and my RL experience, women) in their place. Done by people who feel they decide who, when, what. I'm done waiting.

Faffer not gaffer. Gucking autocorrect.