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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Teenagers and alcohol..

93 replies

georgia777 · 23/09/2015 16:04

I am just curious as to when your teenagers began drinking (that you know of). I know when I was a teenager it was pretty common to have a bottle of cider at the weekend but somehow I'm still shocked with my DD.

DD is 14 and there was something on TV about vodka. DD chirps up "I love Smirnoff Vodka". After a brief conversation apparently "all" of her friends drink on occasions apparently not weekly but at least monthly. I was slightly shocked as DD is a bit of a home bird and very rarely stays at friends, so on the occasions she's been to a party and come home I have not suspected a thing. She then asks me to buy her some I say of course not and she says "fine it won't stop me though" then gave a dramatic speech about how unfair her life is and I need to accept its the "done" thing. She claims the other mums buy it for them and its not often. Oh and she can "handle" it.

Now I am apparently BU as she told the truth and now "I don't trust her". oh and she won't tell me the truth again if I punish her for being honest. haven't punished her .....yet or told her I don't trust her but I'm pretty shocked.

OP posts:

Patapouf · 23/09/2015 16:10

I think I was probably drinking Smirnoff ice in the park after school at 12 stuck to alcopops until I was 17 though. It was more to do with peer pressure than anything else.

14 year olds drinking vodka is 100% not okay though. YWNBU to come down hard over this.

Wankarella · 23/09/2015 16:14

DS is 15 and has had a pint at a Concert, his friends Mum bought him it, my neighbours DD is 15 and tries to sneak out each weekend with her £10 pocket money to buy drink, she was found 4 miles away lying on a roundabout, so her Mum stopped her money and kept her in. This is the 3rd time she has done this though and she drinks Vodka straight out of the bottle.

I looked older than my age so used to drink cider at the weekend for a spell but I moved quickly onto Pubs and Clubs. DS1 seems quite sensible about it, I hope DS2 is the same.

Katedotness1963 · 23/09/2015 16:22

Eldest is 15 and has the occasional shandy. We live in Germany so he can legally drink beer and wine next month after his birthday.

Youngest is 14 and has had a Buck's Fizz on special occasions for the last year or so.

No hard spirits, that's going too far, I think.

rockabillyruby82 · 23/09/2015 16:23

I think you need to take note of what she said 'Fine, it won't stop me though'. Would you rather she were drinking, and possibly excessively, behind your back or with your acceptance and knowledge?
I can't remember at what age I became a regular drinker, older than 14 I think. Teenagers seem to do things a lot earlier now, it's not OK but it's how it is, we can't stop them.
Have the conversation again, knowledge is power so make sure she knows the effects of short term and long term alcohol consumption. Talk about your experiences, bad and good.
I suspect she might be fibbing to you, she likely wanted to see what your reaction would be at the thought of her drinking.

GaryBaldy · 23/09/2015 16:26

DS is 17, he drinks at parties - nothing more than a bottle or two of cider. Most of his friends have been drinking since 13, but he was a late starter at 15.

claraschu · 23/09/2015 16:26

Where we are, the kids who go to parties seem to start drinking by the end of year 9 or in year 10, which certainly surprised and did not please me. I chose to go along with the attitude that I don't think it is great but a few drinks, nothing excessive, is just what is going to happen.

As a result my son called me when one of his friends got really drunk and fell down the stairs and couldn't be woken up. There were no parents in the house, and other kids were afraid to call home, but I dealt with it.

None of this is great, or even ok, but it seems to be what happens. I have 3 teens and know a lot of their friends from several different schools, both state and private, so I have seen quite a lot of parties. I think the most important thing is to keep her talking to you and to let her know she can always call on you for help.

Sighing · 23/09/2015 16:27

I'd give her a punishment for having the cheek to tell you what the "done thing" is. She's a teen. Life isn't fair at that age!

rutnoast · 23/09/2015 16:29

one or two alcopops at parties from 14/15, maybe once or twice a year. then a couple more and a bit more often from 16.

I bought them for her, I'm as sure as I can be she wasn't drinking before then. And these were at parties with parental and older sibling supervision so nothing got out of hand.

EatShitDerek · 23/09/2015 16:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigTillyMint · 23/09/2015 16:34

She is right - lots of teens drink vodka, though usually only at parties/gatherings, so not nightly or even weekly.

DD started going to parties at 14. I would give her (and still do) a couple of cans of fruit cider to take, but I know vodka was being passed round.

I would rather have that conversation with her about how the volume of alcohol varies in different drinks and how just a small amount if vodka is equivalent to a whole can of cider, etc and encourage her to take responsibility for herself sooner rather than later.

PeanutButterFiend · 23/09/2015 16:44

YANBU!! I tried it when I was a kid with disaster pus results! I got absolutely mortal drunk on Frosty Jacks cider in the field behind our local Special Needs school when I was about 14...no adults were in when I got home. I promptly passed out on the sofa, and when I came to, proceeded to throw up in the wicker waste basket in the living room I tried to explain the vomit as being the result of a dodgy kebab...but the fact the the room smelled like sour cider for a week afterwards gave me away. I come from a traumatic, abusive background, and was beaten within an inch of my life for disobeying God and indulging in alcohol (doesn't matter that I broke the law...just that I had upset Jesus ) - needless to say I never drank again until my "blow out holiday" at 18. When I think about it now, I realise how dangerous it was, to drink myself into a stupor. Luckily I puked up when I woke up...but that could easily have had a different outcome kids and alcohol is a bad idea.

BrandNewAndImproved · 23/09/2015 16:46

We were spending our youthclub money at 14 buying white lightning and quarter bottles of vodka that we would spin around and do shots from.

sproketmx · 23/09/2015 19:21

Cider about 11 or 12. In first year at high school, we'd all hang about the back of the ex serviceman's club with a 2ltr. Still kinda the done thing here. I had big brothers to buy it for me and I'd be offered drinks at party's and weddings and things by family but think I was 15 the first time my mum bought me anything from the shop. We didn't really cause any trouble but we were just bored with nothing to do

Groovee · 23/09/2015 19:25

DD is 15, since a month before she was 15 we have allowed her small amounts of alcohol. But unfortunately she abused our trust twice. Once we made her suffer because we knew. The second time she got drunk at a house party and do had to collect her as she was violently sick and very ill. She now knows we only allow so much and that she needs to earn back our trust.

OneDay103 · 23/09/2015 19:27

Think I was 17 when I first tasted any type of alcohol. It just didn't feature much amongst family, friends and any social gatherings.

IHaveBrilloHair · 23/09/2015 19:28

Dd is 14 and has shown no interest so far, she's nowhere near shielded either, I always have alcohol in.
We shall see, but I hope she at least knows to come to me if she drinks and goes too far.

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 23/09/2015 19:30

DS (15) has lager at parties but not to excess. I would have said that I didn't really drink until sixth form but DM reminded me that she discovered my BF and I putting Navy Rum in chocolate milkshakes at about 13!

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes · 23/09/2015 19:35

DD was 16, been lucky that she never acquired the taste for alcohol and hates most spirits but she can drink like a fish when she goes out which lucky for her liver isn't much she 18now.

myusernamewastaken · 23/09/2015 20:07

I have 2 teenage boys....one is 18 and the other 16....both have drunk alcohol at parties and i have bought beers for them to take to house parties on occasion....my 16 year old bought a bottle of Russian Standard to sneak into the Sundown festival recently....I am more worried about ecstasy tablets etc.....

specialsubject · 23/09/2015 20:12

yeah, yeah, whatever. Drinking kiddypops is so grown up, isn't it? Drinking until you fall is so interesting and mature.

kids lie. What other parents do is irrelevant. You make the rules.

tell her not to be so boring and sheep-like. Doing what all the others do? Yes, how alternative...

pointythings · 23/09/2015 20:25

DD1 is 14 and the only thing she really likes is a particular (expensive) red wine that we occasionally have. So she gets a small half glass on special occasions.

Other than that she doesn't like the taste and because she has a girl in her class who has some major alcohol issues, she has an example not to live by.

specialsubject that's an interesting point about not doing what all the others do - DD is very much about not running with the herd. That's tough if you're a teenager though, and DD has gone through some tough times to get there,

ghostyslovesheep · 23/09/2015 20:37

cider at 14 almost 15 - didn't drink spirits until I could pay for them myself

Mistigri · 23/09/2015 20:42

DD is 14 and she'll have half a glass of wine with a meal at home from time to time. I doubt she drinks much elsewhere as drunk people upset her.

I'm more concerned about smoking as it seems quite common among her classmates at school, although I'm confident that she doesn't.

Me624 · 23/09/2015 20:49

I remember house parties taking off in about year 10, which would be aged 15. My mum used to buy me a 4 pack of alcopops to take. By year 11 we'd graduated to vodka.

x2boys · 23/09/2015 21:27

Oh god MD 20 2o Derek I had a bad experience with it at a party when I was 20 I had to be put to bed!

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