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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Teenagers and alcohol..

93 replies

georgia777 · 23/09/2015 16:04

I am just curious as to when your teenagers began drinking (that you know of). I know when I was a teenager it was pretty common to have a bottle of cider at the weekend but somehow I'm still shocked with my DD.

DD is 14 and there was something on TV about vodka. DD chirps up "I love Smirnoff Vodka". After a brief conversation apparently "all" of her friends drink on occasions apparently not weekly but at least monthly. I was slightly shocked as DD is a bit of a home bird and very rarely stays at friends, so on the occasions she's been to a party and come home I have not suspected a thing. She then asks me to buy her some I say of course not and she says "fine it won't stop me though" then gave a dramatic speech about how unfair her life is and I need to accept its the "done" thing. She claims the other mums buy it for them and its not often. Oh and she can "handle" it.

Now I am apparently BU as she told the truth and now "I don't trust her". oh and she won't tell me the truth again if I punish her for being honest. haven't punished her .....yet or told her I don't trust her but I'm pretty shocked.

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 24/09/2015 14:59

I let dd have wine from about 12/13 on special occasions (prior to that she had watered down wine). She went to a sleepover at 12 and the mother gave her a vodka and coke which I was a bit about.

She was probably drinking most weekends with her friends from about 15, but was rarely drunk.

Now, at 20, she has the very occasional drink. The last time she was actually drunk was last Christmas. I drink more than she does.

TheBunnyOfDoom · 24/09/2015 15:12

I was allowed to try wine and such at home from 10/11 but I didn't like it. I tried alcopops at about 13/14 and my mum used to buy my best friend and I a 4 pack of WKD or Smirnoff Ice at sleepovers during the holidays when we were 15/16 - we thought we were so cool!

I don't think I had straight vodka until I was about 16/17 though, when I started going to house parties and staying over at friends in big groups. I did drink most weekends at 16/17/18 but now I'm 26 it doesn't interest me much. I have a drink or two on a Friday night but I don't enjoy having more than that.

SiencynArsecandle · 24/09/2015 15:19

DD is nearly 14 and works in a hotel. Once a month I meet her after work and stay for a couple of drinks with her, her worrkmates and boss. I buy her a couple of Smirnoff Ices, or a couple of bottles of Rekorderlig, she drinks them with me in her presence, sometimes her friends are there and their mothers do the same. When they get together without us parents they aren't that fussed about alcohol as they know within reason they can have some at home. (Plus they wouldn't get served, we live in a small town where everyone knows everyone else's business). I'd rather her be drinking with me around to stop any excesses or foolish behaviour.

Bue · 24/09/2015 18:01

She went to a sleepover at 12 and the mother gave her a vodka and coke which I was a bit about.

Jesus wept! On what planet is vodka an acceptable beverage offering at a 12 year old's sleepover?!

AskBasil · 24/09/2015 18:51

It's illegal to buy vodka fora 12 year old.

Is it not illegal to give it to them then?

Extraordinary behaviour.

ladyrosy · 24/09/2015 19:10

I started drinking and smoking at 12. My mum used to buy the alcohol for me until I was 13 and could get served in 2 places in my hometown. I drank things like martini, vodka and coke, bacardi breezers, taboo. She used to regularly buy me alcohol and cigarettes as gifts.

If my mum thought it was fine, then it was absolutely wrong. It would be fair to say she has terrible judgement.

MrsMarigold · 24/09/2015 21:03

Maybe some parents are a bit blinkered, I imagine they are popping pills, shagging each other drinking and watching porn

I went to rather geeky, all girls school where there was a massive emphasis on academic achievement but all the above occurred. There was lots of vodka in water bottles at school. And even I one of the biggest geeks in the class remember vomiting in someone's parents' shower after too much red wine, vodka on school nights and downing six shots of tequila and feeling awful aged 15. Some girls in my class shocked their parents by asking to join Alcoholics Anonymous in the sixth form but these days most are fairly abstemious.

The teenagers mentioned here sound very sensible but I feel risk taking and boundary testing are normal and although not to be encouraged, I wouldn't worry excessively. OP at least your DD told you - worse to be ignorant.

CremeEggThief · 24/09/2015 21:11

I started at 13, buy didn't get drunk for the first time until I was 15. My dad bought me drinks in his local from when I was 14.
DS (nearly 13) has had tastes of wine/cider/small bucks fizz on special occasions from when he was about 5, but as far as I'm aware, not more than a few sips of anything.

Theimpossiblegirl · 24/09/2015 21:36

I think there's an advantage to having been terrible teens ourselves- at least we know the tricks.

DD is 14 and will make comments about vodka but I know her well enough to know she's winding me up. I'm not naive, she's just more of an alcopop girl and is pretty sensible. She's pulled a couple of sickies to get out of sleepovers where there have been plans to drink and meet up with year 10 boys. She also makes out that I'm super strict even though I'm quite relaxed so she doesn't have to go out. She's a much better teen than I ever was, or just too lazy to go out, I'm not entirely sure.

pourmeanotherglass · 24/09/2015 21:50

DD1 is 13 in a couple of weeks, and a bit like Saffron from AbFab. She preaches to us about the dangers of alcohol, and complains if I put wine or beer in a stew. Shes had the occasional sip of wine or beer and says she hates it. I've been wondering when she'll grow out of it, but I can't imagine her moving on to Vodka for a few years yet. Unless she "does a Kevin" on her 13th birthday.

Original poster

georgia777 · 24/09/2015 21:53

Dd in all fairness does that to. She comes and asks me to send her a text saying "you not allowed out no matter how much you whines "so she can screenshot ! To avoid parties etc.So the vodka habit hasn't got crazy out of control !

OP posts:

LindyHemming · 24/09/2015 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UsernameIncorrect · 24/09/2015 22:05

Every month! FFS

IceCreamBandit · 24/09/2015 23:25

Honestly alcohol isn't treated as a big deal in our family- my parents used to give me diluted wine with special meals (like at Christmas) or let me taste their drinks. When I got older, I was allowed a glass of wine or a mixer with a small measure of spirits in it. It took all of the mystery out of booze for me so I was never tempted to go off the rails with it.

Bulbasaur · 25/09/2015 00:00

If she's brazenly telling you at 14 years old she's drinking vodka, she's testing the ropes. I'd keep the rules you have. Personally, I wouldn't let her go with her friends again until you talked to their parents to let them know that on no uncertain terms are they to provide your underage child with alcohol.

SiencynArsecandle · 25/09/2015 15:48

Euphemia why would I be joking? Thanks for calling me disgusting, I have brought up three children, the 13 year old being the youngest and each are an absolute credit. One has first class degree, the middle is a prefect and the youngest has been picked to play sports for her county. So save your fucking judgement for someone who deserves it.

I know for a fact none of mine will be, or have ever, drunk too much or been afraid to come home because I was wearing judgey pants. I'm pretty sure your children (if you have any) won't be the same.

Bottlecap · 25/09/2015 16:10

I am a bit shocked that someone would serve a 13 year old 2x Smirnoff Ices.

SheGotAllDaMoves · 25/09/2015 16:12

Why would any parent buy alcohol for a 13 year old?

Bottlecap · 25/09/2015 16:13

Pretty grim.

nooka · 25/09/2015 16:21

Sciency are you based outside of the UK? I would be amazed if any licencee in the UK would knowingly serve a 13 year old as they wodul put their licence at risk. Plus very few 13 years olds work.

I'm in Canada where certainly 14 year olds can get work (eg dd has a couple of friends who clean hotels) but minors aren't even allowed into anywhere that sells alcohol. It's slightly prohibitionist really, and I don't say that in a positive way!

Still I agree that there is something really off about buying a child alcopops at a bar, especially on a regular basis.

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 25/09/2015 16:32

at Derek! I remember my brother confessing to drinking with his mates at the age of 13 - stupid bugger.

From being about 15, my mam would buy a bottle of wine (99p St Stephen's Perry) and let me and two friends share it with a pizza on a Saturday night. We were too interested in being comfortable to sit around drinking in the street which is what most of our age group did.

jubblie · 25/09/2015 16:37

My 17 year old has only recently started drinking and has developed quite a taste for fruit cider and vodka.

Thankfully he's far too tight to spend his own money on alcohol and he relies on family to get the round in, so we can keep an eye on him. This technique failed spectacularly when a random bloke wanted to get off with his cousin and provided them with shots. Not a happy ending, but it wasn't my sink he threw up in and the sink owner had cleaned it before I found out.

BlueBlueSea · 25/09/2015 16:51

My DS started going out drinking with his mates at about 14/15. From 15 I would buy him packs of beer and cider when his mates came round. Refused to buy spirits, and told him that if he wanted to drink spirits he should use mixers and not drink neat vodka. He did that once and was rather sick. Now he is 17, almost 18, I let him drink what he wants.

My DD is 13, I let her have the occasional wine or fizz at home. Though draw the line at 2 glasses. As far as I know she has not been drinking with her friends.

SiencynArsecandle · 25/09/2015 16:54

The licensee is a friend of mine, DD has worked there since last Christmas in a waiting on role, so no need for any of you to make your not-so-subtle accusations of lying. My technique, the same one my parents used with me has worked so far. Why the wide eyed innocence? Do none of you have children who go to school with alcohol fuelled, weed smoking peers? From my POV what I'm doing is the lesser of two evils. She's with me, she's safe and she will very quickly learn her limits. I can't say the same for some of her classmates. In fact this week she reported someone at school who has been dealing not just coke, plus weed. She won't touch cigarettes or drugs as it will affect her sporting performance (her words). I don't smoke or do drugs so it's certainly not something I would encourage in her. I do however enjoy a couple of glasses of alcohol once a month. It's part of growing up, a sign of increasing maturity that she can enjoy a drink or two but then stop. I want her to learn that I drink because I enjoy the taste and the company, not to get drunk.
Quite shocked at the naivety on here

SheGotAllDaMoves · 25/09/2015 17:25

scienc I really don't think it is a choice. Either you buy your 13 year old alcohol or they go off the rails with their mates.

I didn't and nor did any of my friends, and nor did any of my DC's peers' parents. And the result was not wild party animals. TBH my DC and all their mates are far more sensible than I ever was at their age (16). Lots of them are completely tee total.

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