Teenagers and alcohol..

[georgia777]

I am just curious as to when your teenagers began drinking (that you know of). I know when I was a teenager it was pretty common to have a bottle of cider at the weekend but somehow I'm still shocked with my DD.

DD is 14 and there was something on TV about vodka. DD chirps up "I love Smirnoff Vodka". After a brief conversation apparently "all" of her friends drink on occasions apparently not weekly but at least monthly. I was slightly shocked as DD is a bit of a home bird and very rarely stays at friends, so on the occasions she's been to a party and come home I have not suspected a thing. She then asks me to buy her some I say of course not and she says "fine it won't stop me though" then gave a dramatic speech about how unfair her life is and I need to accept its the "done" thing. She claims the other mums buy it for them and its not often. Oh and she can "handle" it.

Now I am apparently BU as she told the truth and now "I don't trust her". oh and she won't tell me the truth again if I punish her for being honest. haven't punished her .....yet or told her I don't trust her but I'm pretty shocked.

Tis your right my friend used to drink blastaways castaway and diamond white I think? Not sure if they make castaway anymore?

Mixed opinions. I was a little shit when I was a teenager and DD seemed so together in comparison. I've decided I'm probably being a tad OTT , she doesn't stay out and has always been quite together when she arrives home. Think it was the fact is was vodka that shocked me more. When I asked if she meant Smirnoff ice (as opposed to straight vodka ) she looked horrified and said "they have like 1 percent."
I get your point about not being a sheep but DD although individual in ways does tend to follow the crowd.
Guess I'll have to get over the rose tinted glasses thing.

Eatshitderek I loved your post!

My DC have a glass of champagne with us, on special occasions.

DD1 is 16, and started drinking at parties at about 15. Not much, though, and she doesn't go to many parties, really.

I know she was drinking at the Reading festival earlier this year, as she had an opinion about the various white rums on the market!

She went to a party recently, and I knew she would be drinking, so I just suggested she make sure she had something to eat, so she wasn't drinking on an empty stomach. (Actually, she was quite tired, and came home early, anyway.)

I'm not aware that DD2 (14) or DS (11) have ever had alcohol outside the home, although, of course it's possible.

I would not buy alcohol specifically for any of them, but I can't stop them spending their pocket money on it, really.

I just have to make sure they are well-informed, and trust them, really.

DS is 15, DD is 16, but has LD. Neither of them drink and I can say this with absolute certainty because they are always with us. We socialise in a group of 5 families and the children are all similar ages, so we all hang out in a group. We camp, hike, ski, cycle, play board games, have parties and BBQs ... whatever, but the kids are always with us... through choice I might add!

I'm sure they will start asking eventually (one girl in the group already does and generally has one or two bottles of beer), but so far they don't seem bothered.

Uh oh. Dd (16) has a g&t with us on a fri night. In fact I think she copies me ... " Friday ? I neeeeeed a gin!"!

Tis a pretty weak one though made by her dad :)

DS was very happy at 13 ( looked older ) to be given wine. With the adults at a chambre d' hotel place in France.

Actually from about 13 up we've offered a drink if we are having one with a meal say once a week, in the spirit of , yes, normalising alcohol . But in a family setting and learning about what you enjoy and what it does to you. I'm sure the biggies have been legless before but what I hear about student parties is, for instance ds being proud he knew how to put X in the recovery position or holding y up as she vomited " but mum her parents have just split up ,so I guess that's why" . So I guess they still have livers !

Forgot to say, despite all the permissiveness , I don't buy alcopops. Drink alcohol if you want but know what you are drinking. Don't food yourself drinking " pop" and suddenly find yourself blind drunk.

Haha. I too was a little shit. Or a big one. That's bad news for my kids coz I wrote the book and nothing gets past me but I'm pretty laid back. Rarely say no to them doing anything so I think I would know.

I think she should be punished.

You are the adult, you know it is unacceptable.

her flouncing around like a teenager doesn't make it any more acceptable.

What she says other teenagers say about their parents is a) unreliable and b) irrelevant.

We offered a small glass of beer/wine/cider if we were drinking some to our children when they were 13/14, and at 16 and 15 they have both had a few different spirits over the years, usually at family occasions. Neither are party goers yet, although it would probably be as much drugs as alcohol offered here.

I am surprised to read that parents buy alcohol for other peoples underaged children. While I'm okay with my kids having the occasional drink in the house I would be upset to find out they were drinking elsewhere where I couldn't see what they were up to. I'd be really po'd to find out someone had handed over a bottle of vodka.

Tbh i think we (dsis and i) were offered wine watered down from 11 plus and full strength one glass aged 14 with a family meal but as it was offered i had no interest in alcohol until i was 20. Never understood my friends getting drunk at teenager ages as i knew i could have it if i wanted at home, so i ended up being the one looking after all my friends. Can say apart from once on holiday when the waiter gave us the rest of the bottle to finish i have never been drunk. Merry yes, drunk no. I just stop at a certain point.

Dd is 19 and began drinking at 16.. She now only has a glass of wine a week as it affects her voice, and she sings.
DS is 16 and drinks cider and very occasionally vodka at parties. I am happy for him to have a few friends round at the weekend if I am in, and drink. They don't go overboard, I'm there to monitor how much and am glad they're not out in a park doing it.
Interestingly the boy who does go mad at parties is a Muslim boy whose parents are very anti- alcohol

Do not undervalue the fact that your daughter felt she could tell you - don't let this news change your relationship. She was honest, so you know what is happening now and you can have the conversations that you need to have relating to alcohol and safety.
Far better she can talk to you, even if you don't agree with it.
Tread carefully so you do not push her away.

My DC don't drink alcohol. They're sixteen.

I wouldn't mind if they did and have offered them a drink at dinner/on holiday etc but they don't want to (for now).

DD was offered a WKD at a party at a friend's house recently but turned it down. She told me about it as soon as she got home and went on to say that she's just not interested in drinking alcohol.

I actually starting drinking around her age and it marked the start of a very unhealthy 5/6 years with alcohol & smoking. Thankfully DD is more sensible than me!

It's just another one of those aspects of parenting where child does something normal and part of growing up, but as parents we can't condone it even though we know they're doing it and think it's normal and part of growing up. Don't encourage it and have a chat with her about the dangers of alcohol, but don't turn it into a major issue either.

op do you have a keyhole in your back because I suspect your daughter is winding you up as part of her stroppy teen phase.

I started drinking at 15 or so, but certainly did run to my mum telling her I'd just necked two cans of Morrison's Supersaver lager. That was part of the illicit thrill.

Also there's no way teens would waste money on branded vodka, they don't drink to savour the taste. Why pay out for Smirnoff when you could get pissed far cheaper on crap generic vodka ,20/20, Buckfast, white lighting etc.

I strongly suspect that if the Smirnoff ahe claims to like the taste of so much has ever passed her lips at all it will have been a tiny illicit nip from a friend's parent's drinks cupboard accompanied with a 'yeuch' and a face like a bulldog licking piss off a stinging nettle.

Next time she makes similar claims, just say "that's nice dear" and don't give her the reaction she is clearly craving.

I think I was lucky DD wasn't interested in alcohol at all until she turned 16. Her friends were all drinking at parties and many were drinking spirits. She has just started on alco-pops, but has already seen enough stupid drunkenness to take it easy. One of her friends mums even said to me that she'd offered to buy my DD a bottle of Bacardi on the way to a party and she'd refused her offer. Not quite sure why someone would offer someone else's child alcohol

I would rather she didn't drink, but if I know she's going to, then I'd rather have some control over what it is.

At 15, my parents started to allow me to drink a small amount with my friends at home. (Parents were aware) Not a huge amount.

Their theory was, I was going to do it anyway. They would rather I did it at home under some sort of supervision in a safe environment and encouraged me to talk to them about drink etc rather than banning it. They knew exactly how much I was drinking that way.

I think the big thing they felt at the time was that I needed somewhere to hang out and do things like that and the alternative was hanging out down the park where there were other older people present that they didn't know.

I think its a difficult call though to be fair.

It sounds like her attitude is possibly the bigger issue than the alcohol though. She is quite happy and wanting to rebel against your authority. Perhaps that the biggest thing you need to consider rather than the alcohol itself. How strict are you and how do you enforce things on her.

With hindsight I do think my parents handled it well as they treated me as an adult whilst trying to protect me in the only way they felt they could - by not being the enemy. They are slightly hippy like mind. And I do think it depends on the kids. I could have gone to even further lengths to rebel if I had been that type of kind.

No right or wrong answers IMHO. Just shades of grey and doing the best you can between a rock and a hard place.

DS1 has just turned 18. Up until his birthday, he would have the occasional cider. He's tried lager but really doesn't like the taste. He had his first cider at maybe 15 or 16. Since his birthday however he's gone mad! He hasn't been drunk at all (he has Asperger's and hates the feeling of losing control so always stops after 3 or 4 at the most), but keeps going to the shop to buy alcohol - just because he has ID and he can!

DS2 is 14 and very occasionally I'll let him have half a can of pear cider. Maybe about 3 times a year.

I may be unusually strict about it, but I'm not much of a drinker myself which probably has some relevance.