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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Teenagers and alcohol..

93 replies

georgia777 · 23/09/2015 16:04

I am just curious as to when your teenagers began drinking (that you know of). I know when I was a teenager it was pretty common to have a bottle of cider at the weekend but somehow I'm still shocked with my DD.

DD is 14 and there was something on TV about vodka. DD chirps up "I love Smirnoff Vodka". After a brief conversation apparently "all" of her friends drink on occasions apparently not weekly but at least monthly. I was slightly shocked as DD is a bit of a home bird and very rarely stays at friends, so on the occasions she's been to a party and come home I have not suspected a thing. She then asks me to buy her some I say of course not and she says "fine it won't stop me though" then gave a dramatic speech about how unfair her life is and I need to accept its the "done" thing. She claims the other mums buy it for them and its not often. Oh and she can "handle" it.

Now I am apparently BU as she told the truth and now "I don't trust her". oh and she won't tell me the truth again if I punish her for being honest. haven't punished her .....yet or told her I don't trust her but I'm pretty shocked.

OP posts:

lanbro · 25/09/2015 17:32

As kids we were bought things like Lambrusco and Castaway for parties, all parents knew and we didn't abuse it. Was drinking it pubs and clubs 15/16 but Taboo or Malibu not hard spirits. I was way worse as an 'adult' at university than as a teen under a watchful eye

Sallystyle · 25/09/2015 17:41

DS 16 doesn't drink. I would happily let him have a glass of wine with a meal at home on special occasions but he just isn't interested yet.

He avoids parties because he feels like he will be pressured into drinking and he knows that he couldn't handle it and he hates the taste.. he tried dh's beer and wine before.

My 14 year old once stole a bottle of bud at a party we were at but he didn't finish it apparently because it was 'gross'.

I was drinking around age 16.

SheGotAllDaMoves · 25/09/2015 17:46

U2 I think that plenty of young people don't drink at parties so your DS should go if he wants.

Neither of mine drink at them and have never felt any pressure to do so. 'No is a powerful word,' as DD says .

Sallystyle · 25/09/2015 17:56

I agree she he used to be the kind of child who would say no and not feel pressured but sadly that seems to have changed recently. He is very young for his age due to some delays and health problems which he is self-conscious of, so I think that if he went to a party and he didn't drink it would be another thing to be self-conscious over and another reason to feel like he doesn't quite fit in.

I have tried to encourage him to go out and just say no, but he doesn't listen.

SheGotAllDaMoves · 25/09/2015 18:00

Well if e's not comfortable then wise not to go at the moment.

Funnily enough DD says she feels no pressure to drink or smoke weed, and other party goers seem perfectly cool with her abstemiousness, but some boys are quite pushy about wanting dances/snogs etc. Won't take no for an answer types .

LindyHemming · 25/09/2015 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WellFiredRoll · 25/09/2015 20:06

My son claims he doesn't drink at parties. TBH I rarely drank as a teen but there was definitely more pressure on lads to drink back then.

SiencynArsecandle · 25/09/2015 20:17

That's fine, come back and tell us how your judgey pants hold up when you have teenagers.

Autumnnights1 · 25/09/2015 20:20

An adult buying alcohol for 13 year olds is just plain wrong!

My teen has indulged (he's nearly 18 now) but thankfully is very sensible about it and I have never had to put him to bed drunk and sit there all night in case he chokes in his sleep.

However, I was getting pissed on Martini in phone boxes (of all places) from the age of 14 :/

nooka · 26/09/2015 05:05

Your friend could lose his license and be fined up to 10,000 pounds for knowingly and repeatedly serving a 13 year old child SiencynArsecandle, I think he is being very stupid. And if you were referring to my earlier post I wasn't implying you were lying. Where I live working at 13/14 isn't unusual, but it is now in the UK, mainly because of insurance issues.

I'm not naive, I don't think that giving younger children access to a limited amount of alcohol at home is an issue, but actively breaking the law with them is another matter.

Oh and my children go to school with children that drink excessively and take drugs too (I don't believe this is particularly unusual in teenagers). Most of them started drinking/smoking joints etc at home. Whilst I agree it's better to learn your limits in a safe environment it's not an innoculant. There's no reason to believe that parents that discourage their younger teens drinking alcohol are going to become binge drinkers later in life (or vice versa for that matter).

SheGotAllDaMoves · 26/09/2015 07:49

nooka indeed all the teens I know who drink excessively and unsafely started at a relatively young age with their parents blessing.

It hasn't seemed to have built a sensible attitude to alcohol in them.

AskBasil · 26/09/2015 07:57

Actually the data that we have is quite clear that the younger someone first has alcohol, the more likely they are to develop alcohol addiction in later life.

It's a myth that you can teach kids how to drink sensibly by doing the French thing of giving them wine with Sunday dinner etc.

I suspect it's got a lot more to do with culture, pychological factors etc., than whether you buy them bottles of WKD along with the sweeties.

partialderivative · 26/09/2015 08:06

I was drinking in local pubs when I was 14. (late 70's)

I now have a 14 yo daughter, I just can't imagine her going into a pub on her own. Double standards to be sure, but also 'times have changed'.

HellKitty · 26/09/2015 09:11

I'm 47 and was clubbing and pubbing from 15 on. I'll let my DC (15,17) drink lager occasionally but I want them to avoid spirits. The 17 yr old had a bit of a night (us picking him up at 3am) earlier this year after a party with jäger bombs. He won't be doing that again..! I mentioned on here how I'd made him clean the bathroom out at 9am the next morning and got a right bollocking from MN!

He was out at a party in a club the other week with his 18 yr old girlfriend and was meant to be staying over at his friends. They both turned up here at 10pm as everyone was drunk.

Kids today

bigTillyMint · 26/09/2015 09:26

Yes, HellKitty and partial, I was too.

I think we were safer in pubs and clubs as you couldn't afford to drink much in them!

NorbertDentressangle · 26/09/2015 09:35

DD is nearly 16 and the only alcohol she had had (other than trying occasional sips of wine and beer) has been a small glass of champagne on a couple of occasions like new Years Eve and a weak Pimms at a couple of barbecues with us over the summer. Parties don't seem to be a big thing in her peer group.

I'm pretty sure that at her age I was drinking cider at parties and sneaking into local, rural pubs with similarly underaged friends.

TheHoneyBadger · 26/09/2015 09:48

OP i would be concerned by her attitude as much as or more than her drinking. she seems to have an odd idea about trust and that it can be 'won' by blackmail i'd be focussing on that angle with her initially.

is it just me in hysterics at the poster who said that they were drinking smirnoff ice after school at a younger age than the OP's daughter but drinking smirnoff at the older age was totally unacceptable? wtf?

i was raised in a household where we were allowed alcohol from an early age and my sister has followed suit with her children. i will not be following suit. i'm inclined to believe the brain research that says that early exposure to alcohol and other substances does something to the dopamine receptors,responses to substances (not being accurate here obviously but google would find it again no doubt) and makes you MORE inclined to addictions later in life.

i'm aware things will become more complicated when my son is older and i'll have to deal with things as they arise but i certainly won't be courting it with introducing alcohol at home before it's even been sort after by my son as some do.

TheHoneyBadger · 26/09/2015 09:51

incidentally i think both my sister and i would admit to having problems at one stage or another with alchohol so the liberal attitudes to us drinking it as children at home didn't help us - there is no history of alcoholism in our family by the way and our parents continue to be the types with a fully stocked drinks cabinet and wine rack that never gets touched bar sunday lunch or when guests are there. neither her nor i could pull that off.

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