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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is damn weird (wedding related, I know everyone loves a wedding thread)

83 replies

CruCru · 23/09/2015 15:11

My brother is getting married in a few weeks. He and his fiancée have paid for most of the wedding themselves.

They've invited my mum's cousin (she knows her from when they were young but we haven't met her). Apparently her son saw the invitation and asked if he could go (no).

Since then, the cousin has repeatedly asked if she could bring him. AIBU to find this a bit weird? My mum is now worrying that the cousin will turn up with her son despite being told no.

It is a formal sit down dinner etc not a buffet so it will be super embarrassing if he does turn up as there will be nowhere for him on the table setting.

OP posts:
MakeItACider · 23/09/2015 15:14

Asking repeatedly is a bit odd, however, if the aunt is not bringing anyone else, isn't it appropriate for her to have a +1? She could choose whoever she wants as that + 1. Especially if she doesn't know anyone else.

DoJo · 23/09/2015 15:15

That is weird - asking once is one thing (although I would still think it's a bit cheeky) but asking continually is a really peculiar thing to do, unless there is something about her son that means he is unable or unsafe to be left alone.

Original poster
CruCru · 23/09/2015 15:16

There are quite a few people going without a partner.

OP posts:
Junosmum · 23/09/2015 15:18

That is odd! An invitation is to the named person. Sometimes they get a +1 but if you have a lot of single people those +1s can add hundreds of pounds to the cost. People who do this clearly have no idea of the cost of weddings.

Patapouf · 23/09/2015 15:23

It's not just odd, it's really rude. If the bride/groom wanted you there you'd be invited ffs.

Pre warn the venue staff and have him turned away if he has the brass neck to turn up. Perhaps they are hoping that as he's there he will be accommodated.

OurBlanche · 23/09/2015 15:42

Your mum needs to reply to the last request. Something along the lines of

"As you may imagine space, and money, is tight, so we cannot add more people than we have already budgeted for. I know you will understand and look forward to seeing you on XX day."

Then she can chuck them both out if she is ignored.

ShelaghTurner · 23/09/2015 15:43

No problem with asking once but once told no that should have been it.

Original poster
CruCru · 23/09/2015 15:47

Well, I think what's stressing her out is that it really isn't my mum's decision. My brother has sent the invitations out but, as there isn't a way that the cousin can easily go on to him about inviting the son, she keeps ringing my mum about it.

OP posts:
KevinAndMe · 23/09/2015 15:49

Ho old is the son?

FruSirkaOla · 23/09/2015 15:50

It's hugely impolite of the cousin to ask if she can bring her son - even more hugely impolite of her to continually ask. And it would be massively impolite if she brought him with her.

Original poster
CruCru · 23/09/2015 15:51

Think he is in his late forties.

OP posts:
Leelu6 · 23/09/2015 16:00

That is so weird. I would never ask to come along to a wedding. My mum was invited without a +1 to an acquaintance's wedding, and she doesn't drive so she decided not to go (even though all of us offered to drive her there and back). The groom then suggested she bring me or my brother along too but I couldn't bring myself to go, knowing I wasn't originally invited.

coffeeisnectar · 23/09/2015 16:02

Is he called Norman?

Original poster
CruCru · 23/09/2015 16:04

Ha ha, no Michael I think.

OP posts:
CurlyBlueberry · 23/09/2015 16:05

Could it be that the cousin cannot easily get to the wedding and feels she needs her son to drive her there/look after her there? Apologies, I'm not quite sure of the ages, but for example my 70 year old grandmother couldn't really attend a wedding alone, she couldn't drive herself there and one of us would look after her during - help her up steps etc.

CurlyBlueberry · 23/09/2015 16:05

Sorry, should add, it is still rude to keep asking but she may really want to go and perhaps be embarrassed to admit she can't manage without her son to help her?

yakari · 23/09/2015 16:06

If it was me regardless of what's said before, I'd make sure there is a plan b - where would he sit, can they cater etc. You could address it beforehand and then you know what, I bet he'd still turn up!
Having said that I have a middle age Uncle that frankly my great aunt would never go to a wedding without, so I'd just assume he'll pitch up regardless

Original poster
CruCru · 23/09/2015 16:07

It's possible I suppose but in that case I'd expect her to decline the invitation.

OP posts:
OurBlanche · 23/09/2015 16:07

I was thinking that as your mum is of an age and the closest related her word might carry more weight.

But if the cousin isn't listening then your mum and your DB can enjoy a quick "What part of 'no' is confusing you?" conversation and maybe even uninviting her.

Sometimes people can be their own worst enemies!

Original poster
CruCru · 23/09/2015 16:07

Ugh.

OP posts:
Wishful80smontage · 23/09/2015 16:07

I thought the same as curly sounds almost like she's really panicking about coming on her own :(

reallybadidea · 23/09/2015 16:07

We had an uninvited guest at our wedding. DH's uncle asked whether his 15 year old son could bring his girlfriend. Answer: no, sorry. She turned up anyway. It was a sit down meal with place cards etc so they pinched a chair from another table and they all budged up Shock I think the caterers must have just done an extra meal for her. One of the many reasons why I avoid having anything to do with dh's extended family.

CallMeExhausted · 23/09/2015 16:44

One other addition that I haven't noticed mentioned yet (and I am spitting into the wind here, but trying to see if I can imagine a reason for the constant questioning).

If the son is in his 40s, then the cousin will likely be in her 60s or beyond. I can imagine one of 2 scenarios... 1) cousin's health isn't great and she would like him there in case she requires assistance, or 2) son is a momma's boy and has never left home. Their relationship has become so co-dependent that she cannot imagine attending without him or worries that he is incapable of caring for himself for the few hours she is away

As nothing relating to health has been mentioned, I suspect they might live in an old hotel and possibly have the surname Bates...

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 23/09/2015 16:48

Is the cousin named Carole, by any chance? worried this might turn out to be my grandma

TheSpottedZebra · 23/09/2015 16:51

I agree hat it's more likely that the cousin is worried about coming on her own, so is pretending that he wants to come. Does she know no one other than your mum?