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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is damn weird (wedding related, I know everyone loves a wedding thread)

83 replies

CruCru · 23/09/2015 15:11

My brother is getting married in a few weeks. He and his fiancée have paid for most of the wedding themselves.

They've invited my mum's cousin (she knows her from when they were young but we haven't met her). Apparently her son saw the invitation and asked if he could go (no).

Since then, the cousin has repeatedly asked if she could bring him. AIBU to find this a bit weird? My mum is now worrying that the cousin will turn up with her son despite being told no.

It is a formal sit down dinner etc not a buffet so it will be super embarrassing if he does turn up as there will be nowhere for him on the table setting.

OP posts:

Theycallmemellowjello · 23/09/2015 16:53

How about finding out the reason why she's panicking? If she is elderly and frail I wouldn't think it was 'weird' per se that she was panicking - just an awkward situation that she is clearly handling very badly. If the cousin is worried to attend without someone acting as carer, is there someone else who is invited who could play that role? Or if she's worried about having no one to talk to, you could assure her that she will be looked after and sat with nice people. Basically if you find out what the problem is there might be a way of resolving the issue that doesn't involve just saying no over and over again, which clearly isn't working.

Original poster

CruCru · 23/09/2015 16:58

Well, I don't think the cousin is frail. Would you like me to update if he does turn up at the wedding?

OP posts:

MerdeAlor · 23/09/2015 16:59

My aunt self invited her dog along to our wedding. There's a dog turd in our wedding photos. Harrumph.

LaContessaDiPlump · 23/09/2015 17:00

MerdeAlor your username is spectacularly apt in this case

Theycallmemellowjello · 23/09/2015 17:01

She may not be frail, but I still think it's only fair to find out her reasons and see if there's anything to be done to allay her anxieties. She might be having an operation a week before the wedding for example. There are loads of potential reasons. I think you should find out before labelling her weird.

Cocolepew · 23/09/2015 17:07

Your mum should give her cousins number to your DB and he can phone her.

OurBlanche · 23/09/2015 17:14

But if there was a reason like that hen she, the cousin, would surely have explained.

It is because there is no apparent rhyme or reason that she appears to be weird!

Or is this another of those MN things? You want to be fussy and it is up to the person you are putting upon to work out why... and to forgive all your trespasses and re-organise any and every occasion around you?

Original poster

CruCru · 23/09/2015 17:14

I think she is someone who is used to getting what she wants. If she doesn't want to go to a wedding without her son, I'm a bit surprised she didn't just RSVP no.

OP posts:

PrincessMarcheline · 23/09/2015 17:17

Maybe she's nervous about going on her own? Or just shy? I am neither a nervous nor a shy person, but would not want to go to a wedding on my own.

Onedirectionarestillloved · 23/09/2015 17:17

I'm wetting myself at taking an uninvited dog to a wedding, how rude.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 23/09/2015 17:18

at MerdeAlor.

If this was my grandma, her reasoning would be 'my son is unmarried and his father and I are getting on in years. I therefore need to get my son married off post-haste to some lovely girl who will cook and clean and care for him just like I do right now'. Examples include making him dinner, when she was in her house and he lived 15 minutes drive away, wrapping a plate in tinfoil and sending Granddad off to drive it to him. Granddad would bring back the dirty plate for her to wash. Anyway, she would want him to come in case he fell in love with a woman at the wedding and lived happily ever after. She would have no truck with social considerations like the fact she was being rude and weird if it furthered this goal.

sadwidow28 · 23/09/2015 17:24

Well I am glad my family aren't on MN they would have had a field day telling you about the 'nutty Aunty' who took the dog to the wedding!

And for good measure, I took the cat

Then my cat died and then the dog died but I got another dog who has also come with me to weddings, christenings, birthday parties .......

I could tell you more - but you are probably clutching your pearls and getting out the smelling salts!

ToTheGups · 23/09/2015 17:25

We had an uninvited guest at our wedding too. My dad's wife's grandson (my age). Luckily the caters could accommodate him.

TheUnwillingNarcheska · 23/09/2015 17:27

My sister had an evening guest turn up to the day.

Imagine a beautiful calligraphy seating plan (it was the 90's) and a hastily scribbled in biro name shoved on a random table

Awful for everyone because everyone looked at the seating plan to see where they were sitting

Totally weird to invite someone else to a wedding.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 23/09/2015 17:30

My cousin came to my wedding and only he was invited. He asked if he could bring his dad who Id never met. I said no as I was fretting about numbers, capacity and cost of food.

Looking back I feel bad as my cousin travelled a long way, didn't know many other people there and probably wanted the company.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 23/09/2015 17:33

Obv I invited more people to my wedding than my cousin....I meant he didn't have a plus one.

mayaknew · 23/09/2015 17:42

I was bridesmaid at a wedding where a couple didn't rsvp but then turned up on the day. Can't remember what happened but I'm sure the did end up with a table and a dinner.

I wonder if maybe caterers might allow for these things. They wouldn't want to get some reputation of ruining the brides day because they refused to serve one extra guest.

TheGirlFromIpanema · 23/09/2015 17:46

I think it is very rude to invite anyone without a plus one! Unless of course it is a close friend/family member/someone else who would in no way be 'alone' at the wedding iyswim and was happy to be without a +1.

Shakey15000 · 23/09/2015 17:48

Weird. I know of someone who repeatedly asked if x could come, to be told no. X turned up during the meal and plonked himself down.

Original poster

CruCru · 23/09/2015 18:10

I do see your point TheGirl. I think they have really limited capacity at the venue so giving lots of people plus ones would mean they wouldn't be able to invite lots that they are close to.

OP posts:

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 23/09/2015 19:20

That's the situation I had. Strict limit on wedding numbers at the venue due to fire regulations. If Id given my cousin a plus one he could have brought someone Id never met before to my wedding and it would have meant that I wouldn't have been able to invite a friend of ours or one of DHs many cousins wouldn't have been able to come.

Original poster

CruCru · 24/09/2015 09:41

I think what I find weird about it is that I can't imagine asking if I could bring someone to a wedding, being told no then repeatedly ringing someone who isn't in charge of the wedding to complain that I can't bring this person. My mum says it's bordering on nasty now.

OP posts:

JawannaDrink · 24/09/2015 09:47

She's rude to keep to asking, but she shouldn't have been invited without a plus one anyway. Just get your brother to ring her and tell her no, what is all the drama about?

FatalFemme · 24/09/2015 09:57

I think it's time to get your brothers PA involved.

Original poster

CruCru · 24/09/2015 09:59

Ha ha, I don't think he has one.

OP posts:

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